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I second volunteering. You need get out of your usual ruts and be around all ages of people. Someone you work with there will introduce you to someone they know. It is a perfect vetting process.
Something project oriented where plenty of talking is done while working would be perfect as previous poster suggested Habitat for Humanity. Being a volunteer at any food bank or shelter for people or animals would also put you in contact with many new people. Plus you will feel good about yourself in process of helping others.
Women are roughly half of this worlds population and there are billions of them. You can meet them in any place there are people. Streets, parks, elevators, work, bar, club, shopping mall, etc etc. There is unlimited amount of places where women are, and women are everywhere you go. If you see one that you find attractive, come up and introduce yourself in a friendly, non-threatening manner. Bam, that's all it takes.
Living in a "cool area" removes a huge amount of obstacles, both in terms of potential candidates for a relationship, and venues for meeting them. I live i East Bumble. Actually, in a rural area south of it. There are two categories of locals. The first gets married 3 weeks after college graduation, starts producing babies 9 months later, and generally stays married. The second forego higher education, drift aimlessly from job to job, don't marry, but instead collect boyfriends/girlfriends, babies and tattoos.
The problem isn't necessarily an unfavorable gender-ratio, because in a "cool area", a man can make the acquaintance of other men, who have sisters, cousins, female friends and so forth. Networking! But one can't network if the optical fiber hasn't been installed, so to speak.
A better question is, how to find people in a non-cool area, an area ridden with unemployment and meth and boarded-up houses?
Easy. Move. I have lived in some uncool areas for work purposes (hey Madisonville KY!) and the solution was to get the heck out of there.
Superb advice, in theory. But some of us have excellent jobs that can't be duplicated elsewhere. Others have strong family connections, the responsibility of caring for a sick relative, or other obligations precluding relocation.
The basic question is, if in a town of say 10,000 people, there are 50 candidates who are suitable and appealing, how to maximize one's chance of meeting as many of those 50 as possible?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
Superb advice, in theory. But some of us have excellent jobs that can't be duplicated elsewhere. Others have strong family connections, the responsibility of caring for a sick relative, or other obligations precluding relocation.
The basic question is, if in a town of say 10,000 people, there are 50 candidates who are suitable and appealing, how to maximize one's chance of meeting as many of those 50 as possible?
The sick relative is the only thing that really holds up (the others are excuses, there are other jobs and planes). I could do much better financially if I moved out of high COL areas but it would be horrible to my life. You only live once. QOL is everything, and a huge part of that is socializing. Parts would appeal, I love fishing, nature, etc... but moving to a rural area is not in the cards because the negatives are too huge.
But if I had to deal with caring for a sick / elderly relative I wouldn't probably be able to date anyway as I wouldn't have the time/money/emotional capacity, so it would be a moot point.
- Improv class (plus, it's a hell of a lot of fun and good for getting outside your own head)
- Yoga class
- Cooking classes. If you have a Whole Foods or a Central Market in your area, they offer them.
- Co-ed sports leagues. Flag football, dodgeball, volleyball, etc.
- Networking happy hours
- Meetups targeted towards specific interests
Even if you don't meet anyone there to actually date, you can still make new connections and friends there (both women and men), and they may know someone else. Assuming you're a decent human being yourself, that is. Making social connections is an essential way for information to get around...we are very much a "it's about who you know" society. Remember that.
Living in an urban area (doesn't have to be a huge city) is also advantageous over living somewhere rural.
Just make sure that whatever you do...you have a genuine interest in the activity or subject matter. Don't go to the class just to scope out women.
The sick relative is the only thing that really holds up (the others are excuses, there are other jobs and planes). I could do much better financially if I moved out of high COL areas but it would be horrible to my life. You only live once. QOL is everything, and a huge part of that is socializing. Parts would appeal, I love fishing, nature, etc... but moving to a rural area is not in the cards because the negatives are too huge.
But if I had to deal with caring for a sick / elderly relative I wouldn't probably be able to date anyway as I wouldn't have the time/money/emotional capacity, so it would be a moot point.
Ummm... I'd say yes and no on this. First-and-foremost: In this economy, job security and career trajectory is QOL. The stress of uncertainty is no way to live! Been there, done that. Some careers are more relocatible than others. I'd like to get out of PHX (it's not bad, it's not great either). COL, too, can get way out of control unless you're pulling down a big enough salary and you can end up in a "cool" place without the money to enjoy it. That's the appeal of PHX that outsiders don't get. It's actally not a bad place to live and do stuff, and wages, while not high, are alright for professionals and the cost of living is genuinely low. I just wish there were more women here that fit my type / were into me.
On the other side of the coin, Smallville, Anywere isn't doing anyone any favors. Shrinking rural America isn't good for anyone outside the marry young crowd. At 37, you couldn't pay me enough to move back to one.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I don't know. I don't earn much at all, but I was still able to enjoy San Francisco and I enjoy Boston. People can make it work. People keep harping on the economy, but if you're mobile there are lots of jobs out there. Finding qualified candidates is the problem.
I've never been to Phoenix, but PDX is both cool and cheap from what I've seen. Relative to what I'm used to anyway.
I was really commenting on the small town thing. There is no reason to stay there.
Often - nay, ubiquitously - we hear exhortations to find our dream, and to pursue it. To find our passion, and to seize it. To "man up", making the requisite sacrifices, taking the "leap of faith" (as opposed to the leap against faith?), relinquishing our inhibitions and silencing the cavils of our inner demons. It's a very Anglo-Saxon, Calvinist, American viewpoint. I just finished David Brooks' excellent monograph, "On Paradise Drive" (see for example On Paradise Drive: How We Live Now (And Always Have) in the Future Tense: David Brooks: 9780743227391: Amazon.com: Books). It should be required reading for anyone applying for a Green Card, or anyone trying to date in America. There's an inner wind and compulsion, a striving to maximize and to seize - sometimes vulgar and puerile, sometimes selfish, sometimes noble and altruistic. If your town is restrictive and dry, move. If your state is declining and bankrupt, move. If you career is stultifying and bland, retrain. If your job is dead-end, quit. If your husband is a boor, a drunkard or an egotistical blowhard, divorce him.
It would appear that all medicine is self-prescribed and self-delivered. We have to literally be born in log-cabins that we built with our own hands - and subsequently upgraded annually.
Why this drive, this stridency? Whatever happened to acquiescence, duty, obedience, modesty? Don't people realize that for the vast majority, freedom means the freedom to fail, to starve, to whither and to be cast aside?
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