Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You were the one knocking Phoenix. So now you're saying concerts ARE good venues for meeting women? I agree w/Timberline: concerts can be great for meeting women. YMMV depending on the type of music.
I didn't say good... just better than "cool" PDX. The best venues are the ones without covers (local, or venues with split areas like Crescent Ballroom that's also a bar). A "proper" show at a place like the Marquee Theater where you wait in line like cattle is always a sausage fest.
No, they don't. That's what the shy guys say, but it's true only in some cases. Some people go to stores, especially bookstores, to browse and enjoy themselves. Some gyms are for conversing, and few people wear earbuds at those gyms. You just haven't found the right gym. You seem to define "approachable" differently from the guys who get dates from strangers at the grocery store, bookstore and gym. To say nothing of the farmer's market, the bus stop, art gallery, or concerts.
I completely disagree. I have no problem defining the word approachable. I know what I see on a daily basis and it contradicts what you have stated.
I'm interested in meeting girls that are looking to date... Not interested in attempting to hit on the cute girl in the grocery store in attempts to get a number only to find she's in a relationship or whatever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman View Post
That is where you are messing up.....BY PURSUING.
Just have your eyes open for opportunities.
If you get eye contact and a smile...return it with the same and a hello.
Just that easy.
The best lesson I could have ever learned regarding women is to talk to as many as you can as often as you can.
Relax...and focus on the conversation and not on trying to generate a relationship.
Amazing what a smile, some attentiveness and the gift of gab will do for you.
Just be prepared for a conversation.
As a single woman, I'm in agreement with usamathman. Seriously - get out of your own head and just focus on a good, casual conversation. Even if she is taken, you don't know how many single friends she just might have.
I'm in a similar rut as you, OP. I'm 33/f, divorced (with a kid) and am an introvert, but have a good career and am a productive member of society. I've basically given up on a dating because I don't play the game, and I am in an area that has terrible options with a fairly small population. But, I do enjoy striking up conversation at the grocery store every now and then just because - sometimes its nice to be social. There is opportunity in every aspect of your life outside of your home, you just have to get out of your own head.
Ruth, this is a crucial confession to make. If such self-introductions in public-life are "fun", then of course we're going to be more eager to make them. Anything that's fun is easier to do. If raking leaves is fun, our lawns are going to look nicer in autumn, because the outdoor chore is no chore at all. But if the task at hand is drudgery and annoyance, it will require more personal wherewithal and courage to undertake it. I rake leaves, but no because it's fun.
I "strike up conversations" in public places, to check the box that yes, indeed, I've made sincere effort. Otherwise I'd critique myself for being cowardly and shiftless. But most certainly I don't enjoy this. It's a duty, a chore, something to be slogged through and then abandoned.
I completely disagree. I have no problem defining the word approachable. I know what I see on a daily basis and it contradicts what you have stated.
I'm with JMA here. I always scan for visual signs of interest and an approachable demeanor from ladies. Like flirting, it's barely existent in today's culture. I don't know how old Ruth is, or what small town she dwells where newspapers still sell well, but women are in general massively standoffish in metros these days. They will do everything in their power not to make eye contact.
I "strike up conversations" in public places, to check the box that yes, indeed, I've made sincere effort. Otherwise I'd critique myself for being cowardly and shiftless. But most certainly I don't enjoy this. It's a duty, a chore, something to be slogged through and then abandoned.
I'm with JMA here. I always scan for visual signs of interest and an approachable demeanor from ladies. Like flirting, it's barely existent in today's culture. I don't know how old Ruth is, or what small town she dwells where newspapers still sell well, but women are in general massively standoffish in metros these days. They will do everything in their power not to make eye contact.
I guess my problem is I'm from the San Francisco Bay Area, where people are pretty friendly. However, I've lived in Seattle, so I know what you're talking about. There, it's the men who avoid eye contact. Where I live now, women don't avoid eye contact. Generally, they make themselves approachable. I see this at events all the time. I can imagine, though, how in some big cities, people might go around with a wall up. Sad. I think it depends on the regional culture.
If I am looking for someone, I will look for opportunities there
Stop looking and opportunities will come around
My current and past relationships came naturally.
Focus in yourselfe: build your career and stay fit/healthy
Women will spot a confident man. Drive a nice car and live Ina nice place: you deserve it
I wasn't looking for women (but was technically single as I was broken up and still living with my GF) for two years straight. I didn't "naturally" encounter jack.
Also, I drove a Viper for five years, and a Lotus for two, in my mid-to-late twenties. Women don't care. (I didn't buy them to impress women, BTW)
I guess my problem is I'm from the San Francisco Bay Area, where people are pretty friendly. However, I've lived in Seattle, so I know what you're talking about. There, it's the men who avoid eye contact. Where I live now, women don't avoid eye contact. Generally, they make themselves approachable. I see this at events all the time. I can imagine, though, how in some big cities, people might go around with a wall up. Sad. I think it depends on the regional culture.
Indeed, culture matters. In the Midwest, people are reasonably polite and modest. It's the cultural imperative. But the obverse side of that politeness is a gentle aloofness, that everyone is entitled to their personal space, their corner of the elevator or line at the bank. People are decorous but uninviting. And for a woman to flash a smile of invitation is disreputable.
In a big city, whether it's San Francisco or New York or even Atlanta, people jostle together more. They ride the subway/metro/BART. They stand in lines, they walk to cafes and stores. They wait at the street corner for the crossing-sign to turn green.
In my town, only thugs and the detritus of society rides the bus. Everything is drive-through... even the liquor stores. Downtown empties at 5 pm, and even the "arts" district hums only on Fridays and Saturdays. These things of course are no sufficient excuse to wallow in self-pity and self-abnegation. But they're contributing factors.
And it goes far beyond dating. Some years ago, I had a broken leg, and got a flat tire. I changed the tire at the roadside, on crutches, alone. Nobody stopped. Not some older fellow in a plaid shirt driving a big Chevy truck, or a matron in a minivan, or some young guys in a lowered Honda. Nobody. We get substantial snow from time to time, and my driveway is over 300' long. I can't plow it. So I'd leave a poster next to my mailbox... "Need help plowing, will pay, call XXX-XXX-XXXX". Not one phone call - ever!
Look, here's the bottom line: if as a culture we decide that we're all in it together, men can approach women and women perhaps won't reject them. Young people will get up to relinquish their seat on the bus for an elderly person, and drivers will stop to help a guy with a broken leg to replace a flat tire. But if we surround ourselves with icy cocoons of phony decorum, none of those things will happen.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The Gym
