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It is, very much. In my eye, "cool" is NOT men with long hair, women with pierced noses, teenagers dressed in all-black, elderly people in Birkenstock sandals and hemp sweaters. Cool is affluent secular child-free people taking turns gathering at each others' country estates, discussing John Dryden's vs. Robert Fitzgerald's translations of Virgil's Aeneid, or how to hedge against the Euro's interminable decline while still maintaining exposure to European equities.
I'm not cool. I have not the faintest understanding of what's going on in literature. Literature isn't taught in American schools in a way that makes it comprehensible. I'm much more of a linguistics and anthropology/archaeology and E Europe person. Different strokes for different folks.
LOLwut? As a musician, I can attest that concerts are utter sausage festivals, unless you're trolling Beiber shows with your panel van. Local shows can be a bit better, but not much, and sadly townie bars with terrible cover bands are probably your best shot so long as you're into gravity victim cougars that dig guys who ride Harleys.
I try to just get out. I go to the grocery store, walmart, target, Home Depot and wherever else often but so far no luck with that either. Online is a complete joke.
I am trying to just embrace being single.
The stores are not good for meeting women, so of course you are not luck.
I was in a digital-over-analog minded crossover metal band with industrial tendencies (think Twelve Foot Ninja or Dog Fashion Disco meets Deftones meets OSI), and we never fit in anywhere like any good crossover band, and by way of that we were on a variety of odd/mixed bills (frankly, we were more interested in getting music written and recorded in the studio like any good 2010-and-after band than playing shows for locals). The impression I get is chicks don't leave the house there. Talk crap on Phoenix all you want, but at least I can go the Crescent Ballroom on any given night and there'll be some poseur hipster hotties there pretending to be into whatever generic indie band is playing that night. I miss the goth scene, frankly, as much as most of the music as uninspired (but that's any genre really). It had one of THE best M:F ratios.
You were the one knocking Phoenix. So now you're saying concerts ARE good venues for meeting women? I agree w/Timberline: concerts can be great for meeting women. YMMV depending on the type of music.
Women are roughly half of this worlds population and there are billions of them. You can meet them in any place there are people. Streets, parks, elevators, work, bar, club, shopping mall, etc etc. There is unlimited amount of places where women are, and women are everywhere you go. If you see one that you find attractive, come up and introduce yourself in a friendly, non-threatening manner. Bam, that's all it takes.
It doesn't really work like that however.
Generally people that are out and about are in a hurry and going somewhere in my experience.. They're on a mission.. and disrupting their schedule isn't the best way to make a good first impression it seems. I do have to admit I don't have the energy to walk up to every girl I find attractive that does not have a ring on a finger in the supermarket introducing myself with an obvious romantic interest only to find out that they have a boyfriend, aren't interested in dating, are engaged, etc.. The lack of positive outcomes can have an impact on motivation.
Cool is affluent secular child-free people taking turns gathering at each others' country estates, discussing John Dryden's vs. Robert Fitzgerald's translations of Virgil's Aeneid, or how to hedge against the Euro's interminable decline while still maintaining exposure to European equities.
Hey, that's what we do! Unfortunately, this scene consists mostly of couples. Not useful to the OP.
I've been to a number of gyms. For some reason I am terrible at having success in really meeting girls with an interest. Generally they are on the treadmill far away from the advances of the men that I'm sure they get tired of dealing with. In and out like a bunny, unless they are in there with a guy.
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A bookstore
I don't find stores very good at meeting people generally
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A gallery opening
Could be an idea, but that doesn't really interest me lol
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Bar of a fancy hotel
Not really into the bar scene or meeting the girls that go to these .. I've worked at a number of resorts.
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Volunteering missions
While I'd love to volunteer, I have bills to pay
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Church (if you're a Christian)
This one would seem obvious as I am a Christian, but in my experience the Christian community is next to terrible in helping two individuals meet.
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Cooking classes
Good idea. Might try it. I actually have a culinary background.. maybe I can help show a pretty girl the right knife cutting technique.
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Small private concert
Their would have to be some downtime to hang out talk and meet people or else everyone just goes about their business.
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Poetry reading
If I could stay awake through the session
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Workshops
good idea
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Online?
Funny you mentioned this last as it is the one that I have attempted to almost exhaustion. Christianmingle, eHarmony, Match, POF, and other ones as well.. just a terrible experience.. and way too much money spent with way too little return..
I did meet a girl from the POF site recently, and we've been talking.. but long story short .. there are issues.. poor girl..
it is yet to be seen if it can actually turn into a relationship. most likely it will not.
Generally people that are out and about are in a hurry and going somewhere in my experience.. They're on a mission.. and disrupting their schedule isn't the best way to make a good first impression it seems. I do have to admit I don't have the energy to walk up to every girl I find attractive that does not have a ring on a finger in the supermarket introducing myself with an obvious romantic interest only to find out that they have a boyfriend, aren't interested in dating, are engaged, etc.. The lack of positive outcomes can have an impact on motivation.
OP, with all due respect, this is what guys who are shy or have self-esteem issues tell themselves to justify their extreme reluctance to approach women. And that seems to fit you to a degree, in light of the rest of your post.
But the fact that making "cold approaches" or small talk with random women isn't your thing doesn't mean you can't avail yourself of the couple dozen other options people have given you. Shy people do best in situations that allow them to get to know women over time, and that allow women to get to know them, as well. This would be the regularly-scheduled activities people have listed.
Get into a class, a co-ed sports activity, a series of workshops or cooking or dance classes, or join a club. Volunteer as per your interests (film festivals, enviro orgs, Habitat For Humanity, your local food co-op, political action groups, election campaigns, animal shelters, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, your town's Sister City Committee, the UN Association, the symphony or opera guild, your local/regional Parks Dept. trail maintenance crew, the annual Jazz Festival or Wooden Boat Festival, etc. etc. etc.), get on the board of a local charity, take a language class at your local college or the YMCA; in short, get involved in the community. Pick an activity or cause, any activity. Pick two. See what happens.
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Originally Posted by Mikelee81;
While I'd love to volunteer, I have bills to pay
You do realize that volunteering is a leisure time activity, right?
OP, with all due respect, this is what guys who are shy or have self-esteem issues tell themselves to justify their extreme reluctance to approach women. And that seems to fit you to a degree, in light of the rest of your post.
No.
When was the last time you've heard or even seen someone approaching a girl in say a grocery store or walmart? Seriously I can count on a fifth of my right hand the number of times. If even that..
I'm not a shy individual, but I do have an issue with patience dealing with the dating game. I get weary quick with the game of it all..
When was the last time you've heard or even seen someone approaching a girl in say a grocery store or walmart? Seriously I can count on a fifth of my right hand the number of times. If even that..
I'm not a shy individual, but I do have an issue with patience dealing with the dating game. I get weary quick with the game of it all..
So I am not a player.. that is correct.
Are you kidding? Our local Whole Foods was voted Best Place To Meet Someone of the Opposite Sex one year, and the local Borders Books was voted that the next year. Coffee shops and teahouses also are great places for that. One of our members here dated a guy for awhile who approached her in the grocery store yogurt aisle, asking for a brand recommendation. This is how it's done. One way it's done, anyway. I've seen it happen, and it's happened to me. You're missing out.
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