if she/he says he has genital herpes... deal breaker? (American, attractive)
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You know that, I know that, and a handful of other people in the world know that. But let's humour the rest of them for a minute. OK, so herpes is really, really bad news. I don't have it. Don't want to get it. I make sure I put at the beginning and end of every profile online: D/D free, thank you! Who are we. It is their right. What is not their right is to be offensive towards people that may have HSVII. This thread is an example of the kind of idle meaness that is exhibited by non-HSV people (or HSVI people) towards HSVII positive people. I mean...wtf... no one is twisting anyone's arm. Why poll a forum for an answer to a question for which the answer is rather biased.
And while we are at it. It doesn't seem to be well known that HSVI can express itself genitally! An HSVI carrier can (and do) give their virus to people. People who they did NOT inform of their condition because HSVI carries no stigma and they feel no compunction to share the information. Now the recipient of their callous indifference has a case of genital herpes for which they will receive lifelong scorn and rejection. A better question IMO than the o.p. would be: should cold sore sufferers be obligated to reveal the fact to potential partners?
I haven't read this thread in a while but who has been offensive to people with it? I think a lot of people just get annoyed when people say "well everyone just about has it so your being silly for pretending like you can't get it or already have it unknowingly so why not just date someone with it?" Or at least this is the logic ive gathered. If everyone jumped off a bridge I ain't jumping if I can help it lol. And that's my attitude. If i somehow have it or get with someone that has it unknowningly then that's sucky but I guess I will deal. But the op is about if you don't have it and meet someone that had it and made that clear is it worth the risk? Some of us said no.
I currently don't know anyone that has genital herpes though.
Maybe my friends and such are lying and really have it since a lot of people seem to but it isn't my business or my concern. What I do know is that they've made it clear they would never date someone with an incurable STD.
I wouldn't date anyone with an incurable std if i knew they had it because I don't have one and I don't want one if it can be prevented. I have a very very low sex count to begin with and choose to be that way and to not sleep with someone before learning more about their sex history amongst other things because I really don't want to end up contracting something amongst other consequences when you have sex(pregnancy, emotional pain, no orgasm/waste of a good f***, etc). I definitely can see how it would be common since a lot of people are more liberal than ever with sex. If you've had a decent amount of sex partners it seems unavoidable even...
In fact all the friends I have that have had a decent amount of sex partners have gotten curable stds... And they always freaked out when it happened despite the fact that they were having sex outside of monogamous relationships and with a variety of people. It actually the friends I have that had sex with relatively few people or married their first that never came to me freaking out about an STD.
It's probably not a huge deal in 2015 *shrugs* I don't want it and if a man told me he had it I would not date him. But I understand that many would date him and could care less.
Again, herpes is NOT part of the standard STD panel, and most doctors worth their degrees would counsel someone who is asymptomatic AGAINST getting tested. Furthermore, it is utter b.s. that you have been tested for all diseases. There are dozens of strains of HPV.
Sorry to revive a 6 month old thread, why would not testing for herpes part of the standard STD panel when it's supposedly one of the most common and incurable STDs? I don't get why there seems to be an additional step to request getting tested for this. Someone said if your doc won't do it than go to another that will. Why in the world would they not test for this one also in addition to the others?
Someone said that one can not get tested unless they are symptomatic. Well according to The Tests You Take to Diagnose Genital Herpes, you can have a PCR blood test which looks for pieces of the virus's DNA as well as antibody tests which can be done while you are asymptomatic.
As to answer the OP thread, it is a deal breaker for me. If I was diagnosed with it, than I would date others that did. I wouldn't want to knowingly spread this disease. I think it's good to disclose something like this early but obviously as there are many first dates that go nowhere there's no need to disclose it immediately. If there is potential for a relationship, than there should be a discussion regarding it. I find it interesting some people are lambasting the one poster here for being upset and ghosting the girl texting him after he "felt her up" that she had genital herpes. I've been ghosted for much less. Yes in context of talking about genital herpes I realized that "felt her up" means most likely touching the genitalia. No need for further clarification.
I don't trust all of the 'statistics'. For example no one asked me. So why should I believe that one in ___ have the condition when they really have no clue?
Sorry to revive a 6 month old thread, why would not testing for herpes part of the standard STD panel when it's supposedly one of the most common and incurable STDs? I don't get why there seems to be an additional step to request getting tested for this. Someone said if your doc won't do it than go to another that will. Why in the world would they not test for this one also in addition to the others?
Mainly because it's not life-threatening, like syphilis or HIV or hepatitis.
I agree that testing is good. Continue to urge people to do so, and remind them that typical screening does not include herpes.
I'm looking to get the complete workup. I wonder how many hoops, different docs, appointments, etc I'm going to have to jump through to get this done.
The general public shouldn't have to be experts in the healthcare system but guided in the general direction that is best for them. That's my soapbox and biotching for the day. Helps me cope with the stupidity of it all lol.
No question about it, STD's are scary as he$$ - especially if you're sexually active & non-monogamous.
I'm clean, get tested on a regular basis, and I always ask women ahead of time if they're clean before I have sex with them. I typically will meet women online, and will bring this up before we even meet. I have actually found that many women are honest & will tell me about this ahead of time. I don't meet the ones that have STD's (since I don't want to pick anything up), but I really appreciate their honesty & it makes me realize that, yes, there are some honest women left in the world. Obviously, I'm not going to judge anyone - or think less of them - if they've picked up an STD. It can happen to anyone. Hell, I've heard of cases where women/men are married & are monogamous with their partners - and, then their partner goes out & picks up an STD, and gives it to them - very scary.
With the women I do sleep with, obviously I don't trust any women 100% so will always wear condoms in every sexual encounter.
As far as still getting an STD with a condom on, my understanding is - it depends. If it's a good condom, is put on properly, doesn't have any holes, and if your skin doesn't touch the skin of your partner (i.e., if the condom is on securely and covers all of the parts it's supposed to cover), then my take on this is that it's unlikely you would pick up an STD - even if your partner had one. That's the whole POINT of condoms.
The bottom line is this: DON'T EVER have unprotected sex - unless you're in a monogamous relationship & trust your partner 100%. I myself have been screwing around with women for years & don't trust anyone, and have never done it without a condom - but that's me.
Note there are things a guy & a girl can do sexually without going "all the way" that are relatively risk-free. Not going to go into this here, since this is a PG-13 board.
No question about it, STD's are scary as he$$ - especially if you're sexually active & non-monogamous.
I'm clean, and I always ask women ahead of time if they're clean before I have sex with them. I typically will meet women online, and will bring this up before we even meet. I have actually found that many women are honest & will tell me about this ahead of time. I don't meet the ones that have STD's (since I don't want to pick anything up), but I really appreciate their honesty & it makes me realize that, yes, there are some honest women left in the world.
With the women I do sleep with, obviously I don't trust any women 100% so will always wear condoms in every sexual encounter.
As far as still getting an STD with a condom on, my understanding is - it depends. If it's a good condom, is put on properly, doesn't have any holes, and if your skin doesn't touch the skin of your partner (i.e., if the condom is on securely and covers all of the parts it's supposed to cover), then my take on this is that it's unlikely you would pick up an STD - even if your partner had one. That's the whole POINT of condoms.
The bottom line is this: DON'T ever have unprotected sex - unless you're in a monogamous relationship & trust your partner 100%. I myself have been screwing around with women for years & don't trust anyone, and have never done it without a condom - but that's me.
Note there are things a guy & a girl can do sexually without going "all the way" that are relatively risk-free. Not going to go into this here, since this is a PG-13 board.
Obviously, I'm not going to judge anyone - or think less of them - if they've picked up an STD. Hell, all of us who are sexually active are at risk - depending on how careful you are, of course.
bro someone can catch genital herpes with a condom on. Even worn perfectly, etc.. Check it out.
bro someone can catch genital herpes with a condom on. Even worn perfectly, etc.. Check it out.
Thanks for the info. Good to know.
The other thing you can do is examine your partner's genitals before you have sex with them. I know that may be awkward for some people, but if your partner doesn't like it, the hell with them. I will typically eye-ball a woman before doing it with her, and in many cases she will do the same to me.
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