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So a woman lies to her husband, and its him who is doing something wrong? So typical. How about honesty to begin with? Women are not children, they are adults and need to take responsibility for their actions.
No, I did not say that. She shouldn't have lied.
Communication breakdowns in relationships, however, often are a two way street too, based on the history of their interactions and experiences as a couple.
In the absence of there being "cheating" (which I think is somewhat unlikely since this is a rare behavior, she would be lying about why she is late a lot of she is seeing someone), there is little reason to understand why she lied unless she is afraid of his reply... and she would be afraid of that reply if he has acted unreasonably to her desire for a night out in the past.
I mean, really, the husband seems upset to a high degree because he was inconvenienced at dinner time. Doesn't sound like the leap he is making is to her cheating necessarily.
So did we ever find out if she worked late at all?
No, she actually left work EARLY with her coworker and drove an hour away to hit the bar and go shopping. That is part of why he is so mifffed. She told him this herself after she got home. When she told him where she went and what she did, he said the timeline did not add up and she told him she actually left work early and "it wasn't planned...it just happened". He is bent because if she had just told him up front he had things he could have accomplished rather than to go home and sit and wait for her being "a bit late" as her text stated, not five hours. Also, he waited for her to have dinner and ended up cooking himself something at 9pm.
Apparently this is the fourth or fifth time she has used the I'm working late and will be "a bit late" term, and then comes home hours later half hammered and says she was actually at the bar. This actually got him more than anything.
I told him to just tell her in the future if you are going out with friends after work just to tell him. He has no problem with her going out, it's the lying about it.
No, she actually left work EARLY with her coworker and drove an hour away to hit the bar and go shopping. That is part of why he is so mifffed. She told him this herself after she got home. When she told him where she went and what she did, he said the timeline did not add up and she told him she actually left work early and "it wasn't planned...it just happened". He is bent because if she had just told him up front he had things he could have accomplished rather than to go home and sit and wait for her being "a bit late" as her text stated, not five hours. Also, he waited for her to have dinner and ended up cooking himself something at 9pm.
Apparently this is the fourth or fifth time she has used the I'm working late and will be "a bit late" term, and then comes home hours later half hammered and says she was actually at the bar. This actually got him more than anything.
I told him to just tell her in the future if you are going out with friends after work just to tell him. He has no problem with her going out, it's the lying about it.
Yeah, this repeat pattern of her lying about it would be enough to set off most people. I would think that if she simply said ahead of time and didn't lie about it, like you said, it probably wouldn't be a big deal.
I wonder if she's doing this lying routine because she can't get away for girl night type thing and he's some kind of controlling A hole... just wonder why the wife feels the need to keep lying about it.
I mean you come home half hammered and giggly, going be hard to explain that away....
No, she actually left work EARLY with her coworker and drove an hour away to hit the bar and go shopping. That is part of why he is so mifffed. She told him this herself after she got home. When she told him where she went and what she did, he said the timeline did not add up and she told him she actually left work early and "it wasn't planned...it just happened". He is bent because if she had just told him up front he had things he could have accomplished rather than to go home and sit and wait for her being "a bit late" as her text stated, not five hours. Also, he waited for her to have dinner and ended up cooking himself something at 9pm.
Apparently this is the fourth or fifth time she has used the I'm working late and will be "a bit late" term, and then comes home hours later half hammered and says she was actually at the bar. This actually got him more than anything.
I told him to just tell her in the future if you are going out with friends after work just to tell him. He has no problem with her going out, it's the lying about it.
It doesn't seem like she was out cheating, she just wanted to have fun and didn't want it ruined by the hubby.
They need to talk about this. It sounds like he doesn't have an issue with her having "girls night out" twice a year, but the way she does it (without telling him and lying about it) is wrong. Maybe she needs to hear him say he's okay with it and he needs to hear her promise (and keep the promise) to tell him upfront when she is planning on doing this kind of thing.
She does it that way because she knows her husband is a control freak and he wouldn't let her go even if she did ask.
It's interesting how, the longer the thread goes, the more interesting, but for whatever reason, heretofore unmentioned, major details suddenly appear.
So this morning my coworker comes in and is in an UGLY mood. He tells me his wife texts him at her normal quitting time and tells him her and her girlfriend have to work late and she will call him on the way home. He thought it odd as she never works late but didn't think much about it.
Three hours go by and he hasn't heard from her so he texts to ask if everything is ok. Yep...leaving in 10 mins. An hour later he gets a text that her and her girlfriend "decided to go shopping and then to a bar for drinks and dinner" an hour away from where they live, and she is sorry she is so late and he should make himself something to eat and she would be home in an hour.
He called her and ask why she just didn't tell him that in the first place and he wouldn't have sat and worried about her and would have eaten before 9pm. She said she told him she would be late and it wasn't planned it just happened and it was no big deal. To say he is pissed is an understatement. He is actually talking about leaving her over this he is so upset. Apparently she pulls something like this every six months or so.
He ask me what I thought he should do and I told him it's hardly worth leaving her over, but he is mad she won't apologize and doesn't think she did anything wrong. If it was me I would be upset too, but not upset enough to leave. It seems kind of childish behavior for a woman in her 40's. I have to wonder if she didn't have a hookup with another guy.
Thoughts on this one??
It's not that big of a deal. My husband does that sometimes and so do I. If it happens rarely, sometimes things come up in the moment. Twice a year is not a lot. Twice a month might be worrying.
My husband and I are both very faithful and happily together for over two decades. This guy either trusts his wife or he doesn't. If there are other warning signs he should be concerned. If it's just that she had unexpected plans, that's not an indication of infidelity.
Nowhere does it say she lied though. He infers it a little, but doesn't come right out and say she did not work. She told him she was working late. Way later we know she was shopping and getting a drink. Unless the OP can clarify, I took this to mean she stayed late for work, and then went shopping and for a drink (maybe because she knew she would be late anyway, and her friend was stuck late to work too, so they decided to hang out).
This is what I think happened based on the first post.
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