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Maybe, but I just don't understand why people don't go out with non bitter and jaded women that are their peers that haven' been divorced and don't have a bunch of kids. There are plenty of them out there.
I just turned 44. I've tried (because they contacted me) going out with 33-35 yo women, and I just am at such a different place and have almost nothing to relate to them on/about. A kid? What the heck would I have in common with them?
My guess is these guys who have to justify dating much younger women don't believe there are any women past the age of 30 that aren't bitter and jaded.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
My guess is these guys who have to justify dating much younger women don't believe there are any women past the age of 30 that aren't bitter and jaded.
And magically they're guys so they're not equally bitter and jaded?
As someone who is 46 dating a 24 year old, have fun!! As long as you and her mesh on the levels you need, go with it. I have been in this relationship for over a year now and it has become quite serious.
And magically they're guys so they're not equally bitter and jaded?
In my opinion they are.. they are bitter and jaded so much so that they can't see how many wonderful women are out there their own age. They are blind to it. It's ironic actually, it's their own bitterness that makes them assume everyone (else) is jaded. Right now I am dating someone wonderful my own age... happy, bright, cheerful, well adjusted, etc.
By the way, I don't know for certain that the OP falls into this group of jaded bitter men, but his posting history would tend to lean that way.
That aside, the fact of the matter is that it could work out between the OP and this 19-year-old. In the end, they are both adults and free to do what they want. My opinion aside (and my opinion is well-adjusted people don't try to date "barely legal" children). I would contend that the OP has some serious issues to consider:
#1) Angry parents. She's most likely still dependent on them and they will have a say. Most parents I know with teenagers will go after an older man (or woman) with everything they have. My buddies will joke about potential violence to a man who goes after "their little girl." And for the most part, society will be on their side. OP has to be prepared to deal with this potential. And it doesn't have to be legal action... the parents could go to the Dean and ask that the OP be fired or banned from campus. So there could be a threat to his job as well (depending on what these university ties are). He could be banned from campus since he's not a student and even if he doesn't work for the university (but does business with them) he could lose that too.
#2) She's using him (for money). There is that type out there too. The focus in on naive older men and milk them for all they are worth. Maybe the OP is okay with this (he gets sex, she gets his money). But don't come complaining about all women being gold diggers if you purposely go after the type.
#3) She has some real, deep mental issues and/or baggage. People already brought up daddy issues, it could be a possibly as well. He might be surprised to find out how much baggage a young person can have. Younger age /= less baggage or even less bitterness. By dating her, he's going to be adding to her baggage most likely and hurting her very deeply. (This is the part posters here are finding immoral... essentially taking advantage of a vulnerable person. If this is the case).
#4) It's a joke/dare/part of hazing and she and her friends are laughing at him. When I was in college we had "old men" who hung out in the clubs and such. Girls would flirt with them and let them buy drinks (and then laugh about them behind their backs). The guys would get a laugh out of if too--sometimes daring girlfriends to flirt, etc. Everyone seemed to know the old men were the butt of jokes except the old men.
#5) She's "majoring in Mrs." and things the OP might be a good supporter for her since he's established and single.
And yes, there is always the possibility that she really does like him and is none of the above and it really is love despite the huge age gap. But I really think those relationships are rare and the the OP should realize, most likely, he's not the exception to the rule on this (most people AREN'T exceptions to the rule). And those kind of things seem to happen despite the age gap. In other words, usually the people don't have a history of pursuing someone with a big gap: things just kind of happen (I dated with an age gap once and this is where I fell... we didn't realize the gap and I didn't pursue because of a gap). Since the OP already said he seems to focus on college girls anyway... it makes this option even less likely.
If the young lady in the OP's scenario was MY daughter/grand-daughter/niece, then all that junk about 'not being able to do anything about it' is a load of crap
Once again, we have someone here who wants to woof and bark from behind his computer about something, but will fold like a cheap postcard when it comes to ACTUALLY GETTING IN SOMEONE'S FACE AND RUNNING THEIR MOUTH
I'm gonna emphasize what I said in my opening statement---if you come near any of MY relatives trying to be Joe Suave' Cool Horndog Older Guy, and I find out about it, trust me, when the smoke clears, you won't be able to stand upright after the one-sided chat that will ensue
Has not a dang thing to do with jealousy or nosiness---keep deluding your self there Spanky...that's your way of trying to avoid the truth---that you and anyone who THINKS like you will get a biblical-grade a**-kicking if you mess with the wrong man's child...I don't want to hear that malarkey about bigotry and approval either
Yeah, I'm bigoted, against all the whiney post-adolescent drivel I have seen spouted in this thread...and approval comes into play too, especially when the dispenser of said approval is holding a 12-gauge Remington pump at port arms, telling you in a loud, clear tone to get off his property and stay the 4-letter word for sex away from his 'emancipated and of legal age' daughter
In other words, if you try that May/December nonsense and suffer the consequences, and you don't like it, tough...don't have current medical insurance? It's your problem...period, point-blank, end-of-discussion
Wow. You have a problem with older guys hitting on your younger relatives but you think it's fine to threaten someone with a GUN?? The fact that you're suggesting controlling what an adult does with her own life because you think you "know best" just shows how out of touch you are. Come at them with a gun. You'll be sitting in a jail cell while they're ****ing your niece.
But yeah, your young female relatives going out with guys her own age is totally cool with you, because 19-year old guys really know to treat a young lady right! (the ones who aren't date rapist frat boys)
Wow. You have a problem with older guys hitting on your younger relatives but you think it's fine to threaten someone with a GUN?? The fact that you're suggesting controlling what an adult does with her own life because you think you "know best" just shows how out of touch you are. Come at them with a gun. You'll be sitting in a jail cell while they're ****ing your niece.
But yeah, your young female relatives going out with guys her own age is totally cool with you, because 19-year old guys really know to treat a young lady right! (the ones who aren't date rapist frat boys)
Honestly, talking to my buddies, dads will think this way and it's not all that uncommon. Depending on the gun culture where the OP lives, it's a real possibility the OP needs to consider. I am not saying it's right, but I am saying it happens (at least the threats).
I think it's because dad's know what other men are thinking when it comes to younger women. A boy a girl's own age might be interested in only sex, but could be interested in a relationship. It's a 50/50 chance roughly. They might be suspect, but willing to give a boy her own age a chance. But most older guys who eyeball younger women see young women as meat or sex toys (to hear them talk and post on this board anyway)... they aren't looking for a meaningful relationship and on top of that, have sexual experience and worldly experience that dwarfs anything their daughter could know. Teenage girls are very easy to manipulate if you have this experience. It's like playing chess with a child and the dad's know this and will be inclined to "protect" their daughters.
Wow. You have a problem with older guys hitting on your younger relatives but you think it's fine to threaten someone with a GUN?? The fact that you're suggesting controlling what an adult does with her own life because you think you "know best" just shows how out of touch you are.
But yeah, your young female relatives going out with guys her own age is totally cool with you, because 19-year old guys really know to treat a young lady right! (the ones who aren't date rapist frat boys)
There isn't a device in existence on Eath that can accurately calibrate the extreme lack of a bleep I give about what you just posted
The fact that I'm suggesting that if I get wind of that nonsense, I will deal with it the way I see fit (and no, I am not advocating threatening folks with guns---that was an extreme example of a possible response, so simma down now), does not mean I'm out of touch...
She'd/they'd be off limits to guys at their own age level as well, if I or my brothers/their fathers determine that they don't have the best of intentions
Sorry if that doesn't meet with your approval, but that's not 'control', it's more like 'concern'...I don't want to read about one of them dead in a gutter or a nameless hotel room, or with child, if I could have done something to prevent that
I would think the opposite actually, I'd say teenage boys are more liable to just be looking for sex, and more liable to move onto someone else they like the look of. An older man, I think, would have a more mature attitude to relationships and not being driven so much by raging hormones.
Regardless, if someone is an adult it's their decision. The father might not like it but that's tough. I'm sure most fathers want their daughters to be with a rich, athletic, charming, polite guy, but that's not often going to be the case. Age is just a more "acceptable" prejudice for them to be vocal about.
I would think the opposite actually, I'd say teenage boys are more liable to just be looking for sex, and more liable to move onto someone else they like the look of. An older man, I think, would have a more mature attitude to relationships and not being driven so much by raging hormones.
Regardless, if someone is an adult it's their decision. The father might not like it but that's tough. I'm sure most fathers want their daughters to be with a rich, athletic, charming, polite guy, but that's not often going to be the case. Age is just a more "acceptable" prejudice for them to be vocal about.
I disagree. Young men aren't bitter/jaded about women to the point where they look to use them. Do they go after sex only, of course. But just as many would be interested in something more and lasting. At least, none of my friends ever were back in the day. Even now my buddies are all married to (or the few that are dating) are dating close to their own age.
It's not until later that some damaged men start seeing women as "the enemy" to be conquered and used or a "commodity" with declining value or such nonsense (they start posting graphs about "sexual market value"). Even in this thread most of the men acknowledge a "relationship" with a young women would be for sex. I haven't seen one man chime in to say anything about forming a solid, lasting relationship based on mutual goals in life and common interests. It's all "go for it" and "you go man!" and "have fun" like she's a carnival ride.
There isn't a device in existence on Eath that can accurately calibrate the extreme lack of a bleep I give about what you just posted
The fact that I'm suggesting that if I get wind of that nonsense, I will deal with it the way I see fit (and no, I am not advocating threatening folks with guns---that was an extreme example of a possible response, so simma down now), does not mean I'm out of touch...
She'd/they'd be off limits to guys at their own age level as well, if I or my brothers/their fathers determine that they don't have the best of intentions
Sorry if that doesn't meet with your approval, but that's not 'control', it's more like 'concern'...I don't want to read about one of them dead in a gutter or a nameless hotel room, or with child, if I could have done something to prevent that
Well, a girl at my school was murdered by her boyfriend because she got pregnant and he wanted to be with someone else. She was 23, he was 17. I'm sure some people thought she was the one to be wary of, when in fact it was the opposite.
There's nothing wrong with being concerned. But making assumptions about people's motives based on their age is not fair, in my mind.
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ACTUALLY GETTING IN SOMEONE'S FACE AND RUNNING THEIR MOUTH 
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