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Anyways, I live in a college town and I am around young girls all the time. I am not a professor but I still have ties to the university. Last week, through a function, I got to meet a 19 year old girl. Let me first make it very clear that I find nothing in common with 95% of the girls I interact here but this girl is cool and acts a little older
I really enjoy our conversations and I can tell she does not come from a very stable family background but she is trying to be a good person. There was great chemistry and she gave all the signs of interest through her body language BUT deep inside, I know it is probably not the greatest idea to get involved with someone that young, even if it is only physically and sexually.
Should I be repressing these feelings? This is not the first time nor the last time it has happened but usually my rational side kicks in and I stop but deep inside, I really wanted to get her phone number and see what happens.
If you were her father, would you automatically hate me without knowing anything about my background? I am off base, please call me out
Op, you are both grown @ss people so I'm not gonna tell you what to do but I'm 31, and 19 is way too young for me. They still have "kid" faces at that age and most of them still act like children. Hopefully you can find one who is in her late 20's or 30's, with whom you can actually have an adult conversation with and have something in common with. I gotta say 38 and 19 has an ick factor to it. But whatever, this is a free country...
Well, I know it is not illegal since she is 19. I know it is not ideal because we are on different pages but perhaps I feel the way I do about it because society keeps telling us it is wrong.
Like I said, it is more of a personal moral dillema that I have always had living in this town.
Many people will say it is totally wrong and inappropriate, others will say there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I probably would not want my 19 year old daughter with a 38 year old guy because I would think she would be easily controlled and influenced by the guy.
Like I stated before, a couple years ago, I hung out with a 19 year old girl who was going through some issues. We never did anything romantic or sexual but I felt that she really needed someone to talk to.
One thing I don't understand though. If a girl is 19 and she is attracted to an older guy, does it automatically mean she has Daddy issues?
I work with a girl who is 21, she is super cute, top notch person from a good family. Last month, we were having a conversation and she told me she finds a specific country singer "very attractive". The guy is my age, so does she have Daddy issues too?
A girl that age being attracted to someone much older is normal, but if a 19 year old girl actually wants to be in a relationship with a normal (non famous) man twice her age, odds are pretty high that she has daddy issues to some degree. I've known a handful of girls that did this and they were all the type that had known family/father issues and soon after graduation you'd find out they'd been with some 40+ year old guy for a while.
Come on, being attracted to a famous country singer vs wanting a serious relationship with a regular joe? Totally different. Anyone can be attracted to anyone. Actually pursuing a relationship is where the issues are exposed.
And in those 5 minutes, talk about the things you have in common...
Fill the other 3 minutes of your time in figuring out how to get her panties off....
It's a lovely speech, Urban, but at any point, were you twice their age? At 19, I don't think you can get all three Gs in GGG yet. An enthusiastic recipient maybe, but my standards are higher now. Like I said, maybe it's different for men.
LOTS of things are different for men and women, things which don't necessarily make us (men) villainous. People in our "everything must be equal" modern age tend to exaggerate the differences about which people clamor in an effort to destroy all notion of sex-based gender differences while overlooking genuine differences in psychology, physical embodiment, long-standing social cues, etc. It's like Chinese magic, picking what we want from grander schema and discarding the rest. It doesn't work.
Do I think 38 and 19 is a good idea? No, not really. Why do I think that? I have my reasons.
Do I think it's impossible? No, just unlikely to succeed, more likely to cause personal distress, perhaps damage.
As for the male vs. female approach, I find that it's like everything else with people: NOW we say this because it suits us, LATER we say the opposite -- because it suits us. Your suggestion was that guys at large aren't worried about her technique, the implication being that it's because we're only interested in a play-pretty. I wouldn't even be so foolish as to argue against that for a certain percentage.
But you've got to bear in mind that men and women have historically been and are still being brought up with different standards of action and character. While women are growing out of their damsel in distress position both socially and on a more personal level via growing up, men are still chided and derided if they fail to live up to expectations regarding their masculinity -- and among those expected traits is Experienced Lover.
Modern or not, women are still judged by standards of beauty -- even by women. Ask many women how someone is doing, they'll tell you how the person looked, not how they behaved or seemed to be doing emotionally. Not "she seemed fine," but rather "she looked good."
And by that same token, modern or not, men are still expected to live up to certain masculine criteria, the most desirable males being king (accomplished), warrior (protectors), magician (knowledgeable and problem-solving) and lover (capable performer). Mix that with the real stunner for most gals -- that we actually have feelings -- and it's a bit of a free-for-all where denial and admission jockey for air.
Sometimes, just like women, we ONLY want to get laid, and a pretty young thing is a tempting morsel whether they're a performer or not.
Other times, again just like women, we are actually into the person, at least for the time being; and during that period before all things unravel, we Men have been taught to view this as more than just masturbation using someone else's body. It's NOT healthy, but it IS classical:
Maiden with Man, innocence meets experience, hearkening waaaaaaaaaay the F back into days of yore and tradition.
As someone who is 46 dating a 24 year old, have fun!! As long as you and her mesh on the levels you need, go with it. I have been in this relationship for over a year now and it has become quite serious.
Wait a cotton picking minute!
Are you Sydney123's sugar daddy, lol
I will give you the short version. Take away her immaturity, it is much more fun to be around someone who is young and full of life than being around a bitter, jaded woman my age who has 3 kids,and has been through a divorce or two.
I would not actively pursue a relationship with someone that young because we are on different pages but I would rather be around "fun" people than jaded, bitter people.
Yes there is something up with her that she is 19 and attracted to a man who is about 20 years her senior. There is probably something up with you also that you seem to think that all women your age are jaded and bitter.
There is also the irony of finding all women his age jaded and bitter....yet not self-identifying as jaded and bitter.
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At 19, I don't think you can get all three Gs in GGG yet. An enthusiastic recipient maybe, but my standards are higher now. Like I said, maybe it's different for men.