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It happened to me years ago. My high school boyfriend that I dropped when I left for college. He found me through my sister’s Facebook, I don’t do social media -other than this, and only a couple of people here know my name.
My sister had the nerve to give him my phone number. He called and it was his voice that just struck me, reaching out from the past, like the years all fell away. When we met up again we were two different people. I really respected what kind of stable, hard-working Manly Man ()he had been all that time.
We even moved in together.
It only lasted 6 months this second-chance time, when I realized why we didn’t last the first time.
Bo-ring.
But we’re really good friends today, 5 years later, and he even helped me move a few months ago when I was going through a horrible time in my life alone.
I’m glad we reconnected.
This kind of reminds me of a close friend - she knew a guy in high school who she thought was like the hottest thing, but he saw her more of as being a notch in his belt. Fast forward to 20 years later, and they met via FB. He starts schmoozing her right off the bat. Love bombing, anyone? After a period of hesitancy, she finally went out with him. They lasted less than 6 months. Things began to devolve almost immediately. The gaslighting escalated to physical abuse. I had to beg her to acknowledge that she deserves a relationship with someone who isn't physically violent with her. Thankfully, she got out in time.
For my situation, I had been communicating online with a guy in France to practice my French (he also practiced his English with me). After several months, we developed some strong feelings for one another. We were supposed to meet up in NYC and then about a month before our trip, he backed out and said he changed his mind. So we never actually had a relationship beyond the one we exchanged via messenger, video chats, and emails. He doesn't live in France anymore.
That was exactly 20 years ago. He reached out to me last month and wanted to catch up. He told me that he realized that ending things with me before they began was a mistake, and that he "won't let me go this time." I was like, I'm not yours to let go of, remember? I told him that now, 20 years on, we are both different people than we were in 2002. So instead, we are catching each other up on our lives, chatting back and forth. Where will it go? I have no idea. But in this case, I feel as if it's a little different, since we didn't actually have what most would consider an actual 'relationship.'
He is definitely not boring. Oh my, quite the opposite. But cooler heads prevail 20 years on.
I was always kinda partial to the GQ type.. professionals. Those are the guys I grew up around. I ended up with a long haired, bushy bearded, tattooed, giant woodworking farmer/cowboy. He’s straight as an arrow.. doesn’t smoke, only socially drinks now and then and attends church with me and the boys every Sunday. He’s the kind of man who would give you the shirt off his back and drop whatever he was doing to help a friend or neighbor. Lol
What does everyone think of those stories where long-lost loves reconnect after decades and rekindle their flame? I think with the advent of social media, it has become easier for people to reconnect with someone who they haven't been in contact with for many years.
I got to thinking about how I have virtually no one like this in my history, because I only dated one guy briefly in high school before I met my (now deceased ex) husband. The stories I've read are quite interesting, and the connection in many cases is even stronger than when they originally dated in the past.
I can only think of one person I would consider entertaining from the past. Mainly because he and I stopped talking due to circumstance. We were basically online pen pals, we were young, and too far apart. So the timing was terrible. Who knows though. But in situations like these I would only consider it if there were no major red flags, we didn't stop talking on bad terms, and it was primarily a circumstantial issue.
I just wanna say this here (I feel like this thread is as close as it gets to "among friends" on this site)...
Yesterday morning I got on Facebook and was met with a wall of noise about the Chris Rock/Will Smith debacle. I was instantly irritated. Because I get very annoyed about a couple of things...
1. Celebrity tabloid culture. The way we're all supposed to give a damn about whatever famous people are doing, even when it's the kind of thing that if regular people got into this kind of tiff in a bar, nobody would care or hear about it. I don't care about celebrities or awards shows where celebrities gather to alternately snipe at each other and stroke each other off. I get annoyed when my social media is like, "here is a thing everyone cares about and you need to!" No. I don't. Away with thee.
2. Whenever something like this happens everybody acts like they are morally obligated to put out an Official Statement of Position as though their opinion is somehow even important. Something about that facet of social media has been tiresome to me for ages. Great, now I get to see where all of my friends and acquaintances stand on verbal bullying vs. physical violence. I didn't ask, but...ok.
But this morning there's a new wrinkle in the crinkle that actually does have my dander up. I'm seeing so many posts where someone is saying that it's super extra bad what Will Smith did because he badly represented all black men and reinforced the idea that black men are violent. Really? REALLY?? I finally spouted off (though I do not pretend my opinion matters, I know it's just more noise. On Facebook and here.) I'm pretty sure no one, black or otherwise, elected Will Smith to represent them to the world in general, and the notion that any black man or anyone should need to conduct himself with the main purpose of being a good example to "the public" of his race is just...horrifying to me. No person of color should carry that burden, nor worry that the behavior of someone else reflects badly on them because of their skin color.
I swear sometimes I don't know why I keep expecting better from my species, or my country's society, or at least my friends...
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
I just wanna say this here (I feel like this thread is as close as it gets to "among friends" on this site)...
Yesterday morning I got on Facebook and was met with a wall of noise about the Chris Rock/Will Smith debacle. I was instantly irritated. Because I get very annoyed about a couple of things...
1. Celebrity tabloid culture. The way we're all supposed to give a damn about whatever famous people are doing, even when it's the kind of thing that if regular people got into this kind of tiff in a bar, nobody would care or hear about it. I don't care about celebrities or awards shows where celebrities gather to alternately snipe at each other and stroke each other off. I get annoyed when my social media is like, "here is a thing everyone cares about and you need to!" No. I don't. Away with thee.
2. Whenever something like this happens everybody acts like they are morally obligated to put out an Official Statement of Position as though their opinion is somehow even important. Something about that facet of social media has been tiresome to me for ages. Great, now I get to see where all of my friends and acquaintances stand on verbal bullying vs. physical violence. I didn't ask, but...ok.
But this morning there's a new wrinkle in the crinkle that actually does have my dander up. I'm seeing so many posts where someone is saying that it's super extra bad what Will Smith did because he badly represented all black men and reinforced the idea that black men are violent. Really? REALLY?? I finally spouted off (though I do not pretend my opinion matters, I know it's just more noise. On Facebook and here.) I'm pretty sure no one, black or otherwise, elected Will Smith to represent them to the world in general, and the notion that any black man or anyone should need to conduct himself with the main purpose of being a good example to "the public" of his race is just...horrifying to me. No person of color should carry that burden, nor worry that the behavior of someone else reflects badly on them because of their skin color.
I swear sometimes I don't know why I keep expecting better from my species, or my country's society, or at least my friends...
/end rant. Thanks for tolerating my kvetching.
Sonic, I think I can and should explain where the black man angle comes in on this story. Like it or not, Chris Rock and Will Smith are kind of the GOATs in their fields of work. When anyone decides that comedy or acting is their internal pulling and attempts to make a career about it, the heights of those two are where anyone is aiming. This is doubly true for any black man going into those fields.
The reason a lot of black people, myself included, take the racial angle of the event so seriously is because this is a scenario that plays itself out in regular life so many times. However, 99% of the time it is not with an audience and the social class of the Oscars. Most of the time it is with a person like Will who feels disrespected getting into a fight with a person who won’t be willing to be calm like Chris Rock instead who will look to make a point and way too many times they will make a point with a .32 or a .357 and someone is in the city morgue because of something that started as a verbal altercation.
Whether it is fair or not, too many see Will and Chris’s alteration and think violence should be a primary way to resolve a dispute and from an insider’s point, that idea is already way too popular in the black community and it makes it worse when it is shown by two people many in our community look up to.
Sonic, I think I can and should explain where the black man angle comes in on this story. Like it or not, Chris Rock and Will Smith are kind of the GOATs in their fields of work. When anyone decides that comedy or acting is their internal pulling and attempts to make a career about it, the heights of those two are where anyone is aiming. This is doubly true for any black man going into those fields.
The reason a lot of black people, myself included, take the racial angle of the event so seriously is because this is a scenario that plays itself out in regular life so many times. However, 99% of the time it is not with an audience and the social class of the Oscars. Most of the time it is with a person like Will who feels disrespected getting into a fight with a person who won’t be willing to be calm like Chris Rock instead who will look to make a point and way too many times they will make a point with a .32 or a .357 and someone is in the city morgue because of something that started as a verbal altercation.
Whether it is fair or not, too many see Will and Chris’s alteration and think violence should be a primary way to resolve a dispute and from an insider’s point, that idea is already way too popular in the black community and it makes it worse when it is shown by two people many in our community look up to.
OK, I suppose I get that. I think they both behaved badly in their own ways. I just...I don't know that it's great for kids to look up to celebrities and try to follow their lead, anyways. They often get up to bad behavior. And for what it's worth, I feel it was about half and half among my white friends too, that some thought that Will Smith was justified in hitting Chris Rock for what he said, and those saying that violence is never the right choice.
I guess I just think that individual POC should be free to be judged as individuals only, for their own actions, not as a monolith based on some public thing somebody did. Every person should be able to choose their own path and not be tied to the actions of others or assumed to be part of a group or expected to behave some kind of a (negative) way. And in particular if I'm seeing a white friend share something that says, "this makes black men look bad"...like that right there was what really bothered me.
One of my friends (who is black, so I defer to her) was more upset that Jada Smith's agency was taken away from the whole situation. The Slap wasn't about her. It happened around her because her husband's feelings got hurt.
The race involved never crossed my mind, which is either a good thing, or a bad thing.
I do not condone the violence, ESPECIALLY when the parties involved have access to the press, and could have just as easily come out with a statement shaming Chris Rock for mocking a person with an disease that affects one's looks.
Honestly, I did not think the jokes that offensive. But I have a high tolerance for political UN-correctness when it comes to stand-up comedy.
I think the behavior of all parties SINCE the incident have been reasonable.
I'm not a fan of putting the burden on being an icon on any celebrity or athlete.
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One of my friends (who is black, so I defer to her) was more upset that Jada Smith's agency was taken away from the whole situation. The Slap wasn't about her. It happened around her because her husband's feelings got hurt.
Good point.
I also have a lot of friends who are in open or poly relationships who are pretty upset about the trash talk proliferating around Will & Jada's relationship structure. Which, not really being one to follow celebrities or stick my nose in their private lives, I did not even know they were doing that. Didn't care before, don't care now...I generally have always felt a kind of pity for famous people and disgust for tabloid culture when it comes to the public dissecting celebrities' personal relationships.
The racial angle on it...like, I sure as hell am not one to tell the black community what to think or say about anything, I'm just saying that if I am seeing a white friend suggesting that this is reasonable grounds for judging black men, I'm gonna have words for them.
On another note. I had a funny snip of conversation happen with my Mom.
I'm trying to plan a road trip back to Colorado later in April to visit my sons. That, at least, is the reason that I NEED to go...it will also be nice to see some friends I've been missing. But money is tighter than I like, and if I take my husband, then we need to take the cat because a paid sitter for him won't adhere to his feeding routines and with his kidney issues, he needs special care. OK, well, he can go in his big cat carrier and it would be fine, but we'd need to get a hotel room because having two of us AND a cat would be too much imposition on any of our friends. Also we would have to plan for someone to fulfill my husband's role of checking in on his Dad and helping him out with stuff every day. Unfortunately the cost added up to more than I could afford. So I had to finally tell my husband I can't afford for us all to go, but I am the one with the critically important need to. So I think I should just go alone and stay with our close friends (I'll call them X&Y.) I used to date them back in my poly days but they have since been our closest friends, we both trust them and there's nothing weird about it for us.
I was telling my Mom about this, and she said, "Is your husband OK with that?" And I said, "Well of course he's disappointed, I know he would like to have a vacation from his routine and he misses our friends, too...but he understands that we just can't afford the additional costs..." And she said, "No, I mean, you staying with X&Y, isn't he worried about you staying with people you used to date?" Like it was momentarily jarring, I had literally forgotten that it's normal for people to worry about something like that. I assured her it wasn't an issue, and my husband and I had a laugh about it. I can't begin to express how nice it is that such a thing is not even a concern, and I recalled how with my ex it would have been impossible, even suggesting it would have started massive fights and accusations. God it is nice to be among trusted people, and to be trusted.
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)he had been all that time. 
