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Reality: it takes somewhere about a months' worth of effort to get a date.
From first meet, to first flirt, to exchange of numbers, to txt, to half-ass invite, to a real invite, to downward negotiation to "just hang out sometime", to 'naw I'm busy that weekend', to finally get it together for a comittment on a certain day at a certain place... it takes about a month in my experience.
It's only on social media or TV propaganda that dating is portrayed as "download this app, swipe a couple times, there will be msgs all up in your inbox like a %*#&# Hickory Farms Gift Basket with so many people to choose from!"
Does it really take that long? You can very easily set up a Tinder meet within a day or two.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
You've already said you probably make more than him. So just be honest and accept that he was beneath you and move on
I'm used to men making less than me. It's not a dealbreaker. I would prefer them to be established in a career, done with school, and not have kids, but I try to keep an open mind.
Reality: it takes somewhere about a months' worth of effort to get a date.
From first meet, to first flirt, to exchange of numbers, to txt, to half-ass invite, to a real invite, to downward negotiation to "just hang out sometime", to 'naw I'm busy that weekend', to finally get it together for a comittment on a certain day at a certain place... it takes about a month in my experience.
It's only on social media or TV propaganda that dating is portrayed as "download this app, swipe a couple times, there will be msgs all up in your inbox like a %*#&# Hickory Farms Gift Basket with so many people to choose from!"
That's nuts! I think, tops, it was about 10 days before initial "like" online to date for me. I "met" my current boyfriend online on a Tuesday or Wednesday and our date was Saturday lunch that week. Had a follow up date the next week and date # 3 all within two weeks of "meeting" online. Although I used to push for an early first meet because I'm terrible at judging chemistry online and I hated to waste me time or his. I just want to meet early and see if we hit it off.
There were a few guys who tried to stretch things out several weeks, but I tended to write them off as uninterested. Sure enough, they faded away. You have a lot more patience than I do!
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind
That's nuts! I think, tops, it was about 10 days before initial "like" online to date for me. I "met" my current boyfriend online on a Tuesday or Wednesday and our date was Saturday lunch that week. Had a follow up date the next week and date # 3 all within two weeks of "meeting" online. Although I used to push for an early first meet because I'm terrible at judging chemistry online and I hated to waste me time or his.
There were a few guys who tried to stretch things out several weeks, but I tended to write them off as uninterested. Sure enough, they faded away. You have a lot more patience than I do!
Yeah, a day at fastest, a week at the outside. I received a first message Saturday asking to meet, we're meeting Wednesday. Simple.
The tone was a bit awkward (at least for me) after he asked for separate checks
...
I usually hug people at the end and thank them, but there was nothing to thank him for
Let's be honest here, hon.
You chilled him after the check thing. So it appears, that you actually wanted him to pay for yours, too.
This is one of the reasons men get so confused about women.
Because some of us act like we can take care of ourselves, and some of us actually can, while some of us really want to be taken care of and get mad when they aren't.
Now walking a woman to her car is entirely different. That is common courtesy. I can't imagine not walking a woman to her car, because there really are some risks in that scenario. Economic reality has changed quite a bit since the 1950s. The risk women sometimes face, not so much.
I do not understand this. How is being on a date with a guy any different than meeting up with one of my women friends? I do not expect a woman to walk me to a car. Why expect a man? It is not like he can't get mugged just because he is man. If I meet somebody either for a date or to meet a friend for dinner etc., we just do not go to a creepy area or a bad neighborhood.
You chilled him after the check thing. So it appears, that you actually wanted him to pay for yours, too.
This is one of the reasons men get so confused about women.
Because some of us act like we can take care of ourselves, and some of us actually can, while some of us really want to be taken care of and get mad when they aren't.
No, I was just surprised that he insisted on asking for separate checks. Had we received a joint bill and he accepted my offer to pay my portion, I would've been less surprised. I was polite to him when he texted me to see if I got home ok so he has no reason to think that I'm upset.
There is a difference being interested in someone and liking them. I would be interested enough to go on the date to see if I like them. If there is no magic, I don't care if they think I'm a for not paying for them. If I pay for them it is because I like you enough and am hoping for a second date. Just that simple.
This leaves you vulnerable to be taken advantage of. If you are willing to risk that, this is your decision of course. However I do not think you should assume she will take it as a sign that you like her. There are many guys who will pay and never call again, and there are many guys who go "dutch" and call the next day for another date. This is why I just pay for myself and if we want to see each other again we will make it happen. Money is not a sign of liking to me.
Because some of us act like we can take care of ourselves, and some of us actually can, while some of us really want to be taken care of and get mad when they aren't.
One more reason I pay for myself.
Of course then sometimes a guy will think that means I don't like him. One guy said to me "So I guess this wasn't a date then?"
I do not understand this. How is being on a date with a guy any different than meeting up with one of my women friends? I do not expect a woman to walk me to a car. Why expect a man? It is not like he can't get mugged just because he is man. If I meet somebody either for a date or to meet a friend for dinner etc., we just do not go to a creepy area or a bad neighborhood.
When I go out with a man, I don't expect our interactions to be similar to those that I would have with a female friend, but it's cool if that works for you.
Reality: it takes somewhere about a months' worth of effort to get a date.
From first meet, to first flirt, to exchange of numbers, to txt, to half-ass invite, to a real invite, to downward negotiation to "just hang out sometime", to 'naw I'm busy that weekend', to finally get it together for a comittment on a certain day at a certain place... it takes about a month in my experience.
It's only on social media or TV propaganda that dating is portrayed as "download this app, swipe a couple times, there will be msgs all up in your inbox like a %*#&# Hickory Farms Gift Basket with so many people to choose from!"
definitely never took me a month to get a date....
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for not paying for them. If I pay for them it is because I like you enough and am hoping for a second date. Just that simple.
