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OK, just reading the thread title probably has some of you or or even . And that's kind of my point.
I'm 59. I have a sex life, and I'm not here to discuss that in particular, but it's relevant to this discussion. I'm not talking about my functioning or anyone else's and I'm not talking about acts or preferences or orientations or gender issues. I'm just talking about older men who are sexual, and how we talk, and likely more important, how we think about them. I don't believe our thoughts are very kind.
Older men's sexuality relates to men's sexuality in general, and men's sexuality isn't spoken of too highly. It's sometimes spoken of as predatory or primitive, and it's sometimes spoken of as a joke. It seems the opportunity for jokes proliferate when the man in question is older, and a lecherous, unclean aspect joins the narrative. Creepy old man seems kind of redundant, with "creepy" being well implied.
It also relates to older women's sexuality. Nobody over 45 or so gets out of these discussions unscathed. I notice two differences, though. When older women are disparaged, thoughtful women and men often offer support and counter arguments. When older women talk about their sexuality, other women often support them, even when those older women are knocking older men. The nasty comments about older women are usually from drive by posters or men here who have earned reputations as a$$holes. They're ugly comments, but the sources are duly noted.
When older man/younger woman relationships are discussed, the support seems to be more tepid. It's pretty strong from women in such relationships, but beyond that it's non existent or in the form of "whatever works for you". And some of the crappy comments about older men are from women, many older themselves, who are generally thoughtful and deliberate in their comments here.
As far as age gaps, I'm in a happy relationship with a woman who is a few years older than me. I'm not advocating for older men/younger women relationships, but the way they're discussed here seems to tap into something.
Does anyone believe that men's sexuality, for all the attention it's paid in terms of women constantly on display, is kind of corrupt somehow? Does anyone else believe that older men'as sexuality is portrayed as beyond corrupt, and sort of gross and perverted? Whether you believe that or not, do you see that narrative here?
I ask because I do see it, but I'd just as soon someone convince me that I'm wrong, because it's a pretty discouraging conclusion to have arrived at.
If you have a question or point... it sure isn't clear.
Try editing your post and separating whatever the Q might be from the ramble.
Do you need me to do a TLDR version for you?
A lot of the things I write here require people to invest some time. I recognize that some won't want to, and that's OK. I don't see that as a comment on their ability to comprehend, but rather on their willingness. In any case, there's a question (s) in the second to last paragraph.
My first thought is that it's always been OK for men to pursue sex, for the most part. For hundreds of years women were encouraged to "remain pure" for marriage, so breaking out of that stereotype may explain the support you see given to other women by other women.
In terms of older men being shamed for being sexual, which I think is generally the point you were making, that probably stems from attempts by younger men AND older women to weed out the competition.
I am not sure that this is a discussion where anyone is going to win. And why should we be concerned with it. Sex is different for everyone. Several times a day or several times a year or maybe not at all. What one person thinks is gross and perverted might be seen by another as really vanilla and boring.
People are free to be as simple or as off the wall as they want to be. Sexual experimentation is normal. We make too big a deal out of it. Why should we care if older man are having sex. Maybe it makes older women happy.
I read all of your first post and I'm still not sure what you're getting at. Could you provide specifics about the "corruptness" of older men's sexuality?
I read all of your first post and I'm still not sure what you're getting at. Could you provide specifics about the "corruptness" of older men's sexuality?
When men are older than the women they're interested in, someone will suggest that he's preying on someone with "daddy issues". Or, that he's basically purchasing her. Or that there's some other angle that explains why she'd be interested, and it can't be that she's just interested. Those aren't universal responses, but they're often part of the discussion.
When older men are just seen as sexual there are often humorous or shame based comments. The very common phrase from women about the dangers of becoming a "nurse with a purse" if she takes up with a man her age come to mind.
And when I sort of challenged people to convince me otherwise, I meant that. I know that I may be projecting my feelings about getting older onto this topic, and if I am, I'd be a little embarrassed but I think I'd feel a bit less tarred.
I think it comes down to this; our society does' that like to think of older men being sexual. The phrase " dirty old man" comes to mind. Whereas there is some support for older women to embrace their sexuality as they age, men are expected to be "grandfatherly", "beyond sexual desire" and "harmless"? I don't know but it seems that society prefers men "of a certain age" to be beyond the point is sexuality and, any indication otherwise is objectionable.
OK, just reading the thread title probably has some of you or or even . And that's kind of my point.
I'm 59. I have a sex life, and I'm not here to discuss that in particular, but it's relevant to this discussion. I'm not talking about my functioning or anyone else's and I'm not talking about acts or preferences or orientations or gender issues. I'm just talking about older men who are sexual, and how we talk, and likely more important, how we think about them. I don't believe our thoughts are very kind.
Older men's sexuality relates to men's sexuality in general, and men's sexuality isn't spoken of too highly. It's sometimes spoken of as predatory or primitive, and it's sometimes spoken of as a joke. It seems the opportunity for jokes proliferate when the man in question is older, and a lecherous, unclean aspect joins the narrative. Creepy old man seems kind of redundant, with "creepy" being well implied.
I get what you're saying. I have been following the other thread(s) because I just met someone who is significantly older and this is all new territory to me, so I want to learn. However, men's sexuality isn't spoken of too highly because it is 2017 and all over the world women and girls are still being raped, molested, abused, bought and sold, kidnapped, etc. Women still have to "prove" they were raped. Women are being sent disgusting, abusive messages or even pornographic pictures (d!ck pics) just for saying "hi." And sometimes for NOT saying "hi." Women are still treated as objects by a great number of men. And there is a certain aspect of society that says that this particular aspect of men's sexuality is "natural" or "just the way men are" or even "the way it is supposed to be." And then, of course, there are men who have no clue or interest in their female partner's satisfaction or comfort. So yes, there is a reason why men's sexuality isn't spoken of too highly in some cases. Every woman on this board has experienced some aspect of it. "Creepy old man" is just an outgrowth of this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
It also relates to older women's sexuality. Nobody over 45 or so gets out of these discussions unscathed. I notice two differences, though. When older women are disparaged, thoughtful women and men often offer support and counter arguments. When older women talk about their sexuality, other women often support them, even when those older women are knocking older men. The nasty comments about older women are usually from drive by posters or men here who have earned reputations as a$$holes. They're ugly comments, but the sources are duly noted.
When older man/younger woman relationships are discussed, the support seems to be more tepid. It's pretty strong from women in such relationships, but beyond that it's non existent or in the form of "whatever works for you". And some of the crappy comments about older men are from women, many older themselves, who are generally thoughtful and deliberate in their comments here.
And that is because there is a perceived power play involved. Men are still the dominant force in this society. There are plenty of older men who will use the power differential in a relationship with a younger woman. For an older man "getting" a younger woman is seen as an achievement, and in many of those relationships I've seen the younger woman treated terribly, abused, neglected and they stayed because they were naive, fearful, under his sway, broke, or had daddy issues. There is also the issue of an older man buying a nice, young, new wife from another country. We've all seen it. When an older man is with a much younger women, people wonder.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
Does anyone believe that men's sexuality, for all the attention it's paid in terms of women constantly on display, is kind of corrupt somehow? Does anyone else believe that older men'as sexuality is portrayed as beyond corrupt, and sort of gross and perverted? Whether you believe that or not, do you see that narrative here?
I ask because I do see it, but I'd just as soon someone convince me that I'm wrong, because it's a pretty discouraging conclusion to have arrived at.
I really have no idea what you are trying to get at in the bolded statement above. How exactly are women "constantly on display"? How so any more than men?
Regardless, yes, I do believe that men's sexuality is viewed unfavorably (not sure if corrupt is the word I would use), because of the way men still treat women, how they still treat sexual encounters. It is the narrative of our society. Everyone has a story.
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or 
or even 
. And that's kind of my point. 
