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If people think older people having sex is repulsive, they need to decide exactly at what age it becomes that. And then write it down. And then tell their spouse that on whatever birthday they reach that age they will be abstaining.
Perhaps the 'creepy older man' thing is something the younger generations have embraced? My 24 year old daughter is 'creeped out' by older men. She didn't get that from me. I have always liked older men. She has a very good relationship with her step father (my husband) and does not find him creepy. But, I also notice that the men she finds sexually appealing are more like girls. In fact, it seems that western society is becoming more effeminate all the way around with everyone becoming more 'girly'.
So ... perhaps older men are too masculine and, therefore, sexually scary?
Also, I must admit to making the occasional anti-old man comment when dealing with men who have denigrated older women.
Perhaps the 'creepy older man' thing is something the younger generations have embraced? My 24 year old daughter is 'creeped out' by older men. She didn't get that from me. I have always liked older men. She has a very good relationship with her step father (my husband) and does not find him creepy. But, I also notice that the men she finds sexually appealing are more like girls. In fact, it seems that western society is becoming more effeminate all the way around with everyone becoming more 'girly'.
So ... perhaps older men are too masculine and, therefore, sexually scary?
There could be something to that. I know as a teenager and young adult I was attracted to more effeminate men (and I don't think there are more of them now...there were plenty in the early 80s!) They made me feel safer somehow as I was just getting started sharing my sexuality. Years later my tastes definitely had changed.
I think it comes down to this; our society does' that like to think of older men being sexual. The phrase " dirty old man" comes to mind. Whereas there is some support for older women to embrace their sexuality as they age, men are expected to be "grandfatherly", "beyond sexual desire" and "harmless"? I don't know but it seems that society prefers men "of a certain age" to be beyond the point is sexuality and, any indication otherwise is objectionable.
The age they speak of is 40. I'm 44, so I consider myself a dirty old man. There's a reason that the age of 40 was picked for "The 40 Year Old Virgin".
There could be something to that. I know as a teenager and young adult I was attracted to more effeminate men (and I don't think there are more of them now...there were plenty in the early 80s!) They made me feel safer somehow as I was just getting started sharing my sexuality. Years later my tastes definitely had changed.
Yes exactly! I was the weirdo because I was always attracted to the most masculine looking and acting men while the other young girls/women liked the teenage heartthrobs like David Cassidy who could easily pass for their lesbian lover. I think these guys were just less threatening and as a woman ages and feels more secure in her own sexuality, she wants someone who will meet her on an equal footing or even challenge her.
So does that mean that women are feeling less secure about their sexuality now?
Also, I must admit to making the occasional anti-old man comment when dealing with men who have denigrated older women.
Me too. Whenever I hear or see the term "old cougar". It's kinda creepy, makes me feel like I better not think about sex or I'm a pervert or a joke or .... I wonder what kind of animal I can compare an older man to, who's still interested in sex. Hyena? Wolverine? "Oh you old pine marten." That's my favorite, they kind of jump around and surprise me with how much energy they have.
Me too. Whenever I hear or see the term "old cougar". It's kinda creepy, makes me feel like I better not think about sex or I'm a pervert or a joke or .... I wonder what kind of animal I can compare an older man to, who's still interested in sex. Hyena? Wolverine? "Oh you old pine marten." That's my favorite, they kind of jump around and surprise me with how much energy they have.
Silverback.
It still doesn't have the negative connotation that cougar does, though, since the silverback still gets first pick of everything, food AND females.
I do think the cougars are gaining desirability, though, as younger women who these days believe they have unlimited choices are subsequently unable to actually choose and are increasingly known as flaky/fickle. "Cougars" are seen as more likely to have their **** together.
"Cougars" are seen as more likely to have their **** together.
Exactly... it's not just about being sexually open (even predatory)...
it's about having all the other interpersonal and financial aspects of their lives sorted out to the degree
that they can be the 'power partner' in the relationship and are okay with being that.
For some it's limited to ethical sluttery with a balance of sorts between partners
...for others though it will dip (or dive!) into PE dynamics.
My first thought is that it's always been OK for men to pursue sex, for the most part. For hundreds of years women were encouraged to "remain pure" for marriage, so breaking out of that stereotype may explain the support you see given to other women by other women.
In terms of older men being shamed for being sexual, which I think is generally the point you were making, that probably stems from attempts by younger men AND older women to weed out the competition.
Those are my initial thoughts, anyway.
Does that make sense?
I've always gotten the impression, during my lifetime anyway, that it was expected that men would pursue sex, in the same way that it's expected that people will litter or dogs will hump your leg if you stand still too long. "Boys will be boys" isn't an endorsement of maleness, but a begrudging acceptance that there's not much you can do to stop it. And that's when we're talking about MEN, as opposed to individual males. Some women, and some men I guess, do the "not my Nigel" thing with a twist. Some see MEN as a quite rough around the edges, yet many of the real men they know seem to be exceptions.
It still doesn't have the negative connotation that cougar does, though, since the silverback still gets first pick of everything, food AND females.
I do think the cougars are gaining desirability, though, as younger women who these days believe they have unlimited choices are subsequently unable to actually choose and are increasingly known as flaky/fickle. "Cougars" are seen as more likely to have their **** together.
Oh that's so good, I looked it up and Lol'd. Even the expression on his face.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational
Exactly... it's not just about being sexually open (even predatory)...
it's about having all the other interpersonal and financial aspects of their lives sorted out to the degree
that they can be the 'power partner' in the relationship and are okay with being that.
For some it's limited to ethical sluttery with a balance of sorts between partners
...for others though it will dip (or dive!) into PE dynamics.
And yet, for 'my generation' at least, it's like we still can't admit or talk out loud about considering casual sex or having it. It's a natural part of life for men to be thought of as having casual sex, but if I started talking about it, I KNOW I would be seen as being emotionally unstable. 'That poor older lady isn't able to have a respectable relationship.' Just IMO, but real to me.
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Hyena? Wolverine? "Oh you old pine marten." That's my favorite, they kind of jump around and surprise me with how much energy they have.
