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I am an older guy, these threads sometimes are tough to read. I can't help my age. I also read the thread about not dating widowers, I am a widower, I lost a perfect wife.
I am aware of the creepy old guy business. At the gym I keep my eyes down. I was a certified trainer and I used to regularly work with people and help them with their routines and form and exercises. Just being friendly. In the gym, I am in my element. Not any more. That knowledge is useless to anyone but me because I feel like sort of an outcast at this age.
I loved sex, with my wife. That is gone and I sort of shut down when she passed. Maybe its doesn't come back and I am spared all the heartache and abuse of trying to find another mate. I am not some kind of creep or pervert. I am just an older lonely guy who never planned to be alone and never planned to be so heartbroken.
I think I understand what the Op was trying to say. We don't all fit into the boxes with little yellow labels. It is not easy for either sex. At any age.
I believe that we have some choice in how our lives progress. We all need to grieve for a period of time, but then what? Sometimes I think about life without my husband. It would mean losing the love of my life and I know that I would probably never replace that. But, if I have to go on living ... if I have to be here anyway, then I will do my best to make that time as pleasant as possible.
I'm not sure why people see 'trying to find another mate' as heartbreaking and abusive. Perhaps it's because of the expectations that come with it or focusing too much on the goal. It could be just another life experience.
Most of the creepiness I've experienced from men has come from guys my age or close. The guy who raped, beat and literally tried to strangle me to death was in his early 20's and looked like the " boy next door". When I turned around and saw him approaching me my first impression was that he was quite good looking and had a great smile. ... right up until he punched me in the face, knocking me to the ground. I have been harassed more by guys in their 20's than I have by guys in their 40's and up.
Personally speaking I am more Leary of younger men and their intentions than I am of older
men based on my experiences with both.
It's also the younger men ( again in my experience) who have been much more sexually aggressive than their older counterparts.
I am so sorry that you have had this experience. Jesus! I'd love to beat him to death for you.
A lot of us old farts are not into the depilatory obsession.
Whereas, it seems many Millennial men are nearly bare of hair.
I can't agree with you there. My 60 year old husband is bald and I love it. But, he does have a mustache and beard, his hands are rough from working with metal for decades, and he is heavily muscled. Good thing he has a pleasant smile or he would terrify the poor little millennials to death.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oldwoman
I can't agree with you there. My 60 year old husband is bald and I love it. But, he does have a mustache and beard, his hands are rough from working with metal for decades, and he is heavily muscled. Good thing he has a pleasant smile or he would terrify the poor little millennials to death.
Um, Mrs. Oldwoman, I do not believe that poster was commenting on haircuts or facial hair, but um, other areas.
Um, Mrs. Oldwoman, I do not believe that poster was commenting on haircuts or facial hair, but um, other areas.
Very cute though.
What!
Oh well ..... I still stand by my preference for facial hair on a man. Although, I do see a lot of big beards on younger guys. But, the man bun cancels that out.
I'm always reminding my husband how our parents made fun of the long haired boys back in the 70's saying that they looked like girls. Of course, they did look like girls, but gender bending is probably going to be a good thing in the long run.
Most of the creepiness I've experienced from men has come from guys my age or close. The guy who raped, beat and literally tried to strangle me to death was in his early 20's and looked like the " boy next door". When I turned around and saw him approaching me my first impression was that he was quite good looking and had a great smile. ... right up until he punched me in the face, knocking me to the ground. I have been harassed more by guys in their 20's than I have by guys in their 40's and up.
Personally speaking I am more Leary of younger men and their intentions than I am of older
men based on my experiences with both.
It's also the younger men ( again in my experience) who have been much more sexually aggressive than their older counterparts.
That had to be horrible, Sydney123. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I don't know how people, old, young, man, woman, can look at us and not see our humanity. Not see yours. I think the awful things that happen are made worse because people can be and often are so good. I wish you well.
EDIT: Reading my comment again, where I wrote "look at us and not see our humanity" I was in no way using "us" to imply that people occasionally dissing older men is anything like being assaulted. The "us" was a more universal reference.
As with Moonbeam's post, you've done an excellent job of laying out the kind of behavior that makes many women wary of men. My point is that I'm not those men. I'm quite deliberately not those men. I understand that people often can't distinguish individuals from the groups they belong to, or they're not willing to, but in this case that awareness doesn't help a lot.
I live my life without a lot of concern about this, but I'd be lying if I said my concern was entirely academic.
I can see you are not. It is always best to look at each person separately. This is something everybody should try to do. However it is human nature for our thoughts to be the sum of our experiences. This is why so many people who have abusive childhoods end up abusers or being abused. When things happen enough it becomes the "normal" for that person. Not saying it is correct or right. Obviously seeing abuse as normal is a skewed perception. I am saying this is just how the human nature works. It is conditioning.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
And across a whole spectrum of topics people share opinions they have to know could be thorny jabs at real people reading as if there were no real people reading who might be so jabbed. This goes way beyond age or sex or relationship demographics.
Of course. It is good to remember the humanity here but on the other hand maybe consider what it is people seek when they come here? Some seek to vent their spleen and take their frustrations out on others. Somebody else (or maybe you?) talked about this earlier where it becomes obvious who they are and how we should take their words with a grain of salt and "consider the source." However some seek unvarnished opinion and sincerely want to know what others really think. You seem to be in the latter group to me. I mean no offense by my words here. I only wish to give honest thoughts to honest questions even if sometimes it is not the happiest answer. At least you know that when I give a happy answer I am not "blowing sunshine."
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
Yes, it does.
And, in the "quite disappointing, yet not at all surprising" category, I also put the responses on this thread which pull the conversation toward the trials and tribulations of women. While, of course, these discussions have merit, are they really an appropriate response to a man telling of his feelings about being a man? To me, this is symptomatic of a much larger problem in our current society- the apparent inability to actually listen when people are talking.
I do not understand this. Here is what Homina asked:
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
Does anyone believe that men's sexuality, for all the attention it's paid in terms of women constantly on display, is kind of corrupt somehow? Does anyone else believe that older men'as sexuality is portrayed as beyond corrupt, and sort of gross and perverted? Whether you believe that or not, do you see that narrative here?
I do not believe Homina was asking mere yes/no questions. It is only natural and courteous for people to give some reasons for their answers. I say with conditions that yes the narrative is often that older men's sexuality is portrayed (and seen) as sort of gross and perverted and like Moonbeam I give reasons why that may be so. Some of those reasons are trials and tribulations of women because enough of those trials and tribulations were foist upon enough young women by enough older men for it to result in a stereotype, generalization, or reputation, however unwarranted it may be for individuals within a demographic.
How boring and useless a forum would be if everybody just said "yes" or "no" like some robot. If yes or no is all there is just make a poll.
Most of the creepiness I've experienced from men has come from guys my age or close. The guy who raped, beat and literally tried to strangle me to death was in his early 20's and looked like the " boy next door". When I turned around and saw him approaching me my first impression was that he was quite good looking and had a great smile. ... right up until he punched me in the face, knocking me to the ground. I have been harassed more by guys in their 20's than I have by guys in their 40's and up.
Personally speaking I am more Leary of younger men and their intentions than I am of older
men based on my experiences with both.
It's also the younger men ( again in my experience) who have been much more sexually aggressive than their older counterparts.
What a terrible thing to endure! I am so sorry to hear you suffered this.
I do not believe Homina was asking mere yes/no questions. It is only natural and courteous for people to give some reasons for their answers. I say with conditions that yes the narrative is often that sometimes older men's sexuality is portrayed (and seen) as sort of gross and perverted and like Moonbeam I give reasons why that may be so. Some of those reasons are trials and tribulations of women because enough of those trials and tribulations were foist upon enough young women by enough older men for it to result in a stereotype, generalization, or reputation--however unwarranted it may be for individuals within a demographic.
I don't think he was asking a "yes/no" question either.
My comment was in regard to what I see on this thread as justification for these attitudes. That, somehow, it's ok to be outwardly judgmental about certain people or relationship types because.... ?
Would this be an acceptable attitude toward any other demographic?
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It is always best to look at each person separately. This is something everybody should try to do. However it is human nature for our thoughts to be the sum of our experiences. This is why so many people who have abusive childhoods end up abusers or being abused. When things happen enough it becomes the "normal" for that person. Not saying it is correct or right. Obviously seeing abuse as normal is a skewed perception. I am saying this is just how the human nature works. It is conditioning.
