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Growing a backbone would mean acting like a mature adult and saying to him that she doesn't agree with his methods, instead of being a passive-aggressive enabler behind her husband's back, and then continuing to blame him for her children being immature mooches.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 11 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
And yet... she has historically handled all the finances and the OP asks "the finance manager" if they can afford it anytime he wants to spend over $100. Not typical of "controllers".
I completely agree with that - overall, he's not controlling his wife's every move.
It's the stepdaughters. In my observation, stepdaughters who are treated fairly and kindly by stepfathers tend love them and admire them. (As adults I mean, kids can be weird).
But to have both these girls go off the rails and "hate" him, and then to read that he made up a rule for adults to have to come home at 11 p.m. just sheds light on his relationship with the daughters. It was his rule, not his wife's, although she may not have actively fought him about it. She doesn't seem to actively fight him about anything - including this car purchase - which she just quietly did without fighting him. His relationship with his wife seems to be respectful and loving. Except where her wishes on how to treat the adult daughters goes.
And I know there are those who think "anyone living under my roof obeys my rules", but that's not how I feel. Adult children who are going to college or working should be treated as adult boarders, in my opinion. If they were in a dorm no one would be telling them when to come home. It's a growth thing, and a maturing thing. To set your own hours and not be treated like children.
I completely agree with that - overall, he's not controlling his wife's every move.
It's the stepdaughters. In my observation, stepdaughters who are treated fairly and kindly by stepfathers tend love them and admire them. (As adults I mean, kids can be weird).
But to have both these girls go off the rails and "hate" him, and then to read that he made up a rule for adults to have to come home at 11 p.m. just sheds light on his relationship with the daughters. It was his rule, not his wife's, although she may not have actively fought him about it. She doesn't seem to actively fight him about anything - including this car purchase - which she just quietly did without fighting him. His relationship with his wife seems to be respectful and loving. Except where her wishes on how to treat the adult daughters goes.
And I know there are those who think "anyone living under my roof obeys my rules", but that's not how I feel. Adult children who are going to college or working should be treated as adult boarders, in my opinion. If they were in a dorm no one would be telling them when to come home. It's a growth thing, and a maturing thing. To set your own hours and not be treated like children.
You're the only one saying they hate him lol. I love when people make up points and then refer back to them as if they were valid.
As someone that has been in a similar relationship, I would put money on that the OP is controlling and he is the type that expects everything to be his way. She probably has no choice but to do things his way as he is the enforcer. She probably does have quilt over the way the op has taken over in the raising of her children. She finally grew a backbone, did what she felt was best for her child, and now the OP is upset because things did not go as he planned. I am sure at this point she is tired of doing things his way.
Well, she would say that about me, I have to admit that. I don't know how I feel about that to be honest. I, like most people do like things to be my way. If a decision is trivial, I am all about compromising and often do.
But yes, I'm the guy who frequently put my foot down on issues where I don't think anybody but me thinks past the present.
I'm sure ClaraC will use this to berate me again, but let's just say I'm smarter than my wife as well as more educated and skilled at critical thinking. She got her GED after we got married because she was a high school dropout because of a pregnancy, I have a college education and a pretty prestigious government career and am in mgmt as well. She's a lovely woman with a heart of gold, and has has skills that I don't have, but she thinks with her heart not with her brain.
For example, the car, if she had approach me with that issue I would've tried to appeal to her logically and convince her that she needs to give the daughter the used car, which at least in this thread, I think just about 100% of people agree with me on that. If that's having my way, then I guess it is what it is, but when I know I'm right I hold my ground.
And yes, another example of my controlling behavior is saying no to bringing a cat home to the house recently. Yes, I am that terrible, controlling mean guy and said no to my teenage daughter who is about a year away from going off to college regarding bringing a cute little stray kitty home that we will now have to get neutered and declawed and live with the cat stink in our house after my daughter leaves home next year . I recognize that that kitten is a commitment for at least seven or eight years, and my daughters plan is to go off to the military Academy and she sure can't take that cat with her. So yes I said no to the cat, and I'm the mean guy. Just seems like no one but me thinks further down the road in than the here and now.
So yes, on some issues I do have to have it my way.
As they were 1 year apart, there is no way we could have afforded to have sent them to college.. We did tell them that we would help each of them as much as we were able..
If they were good high school students who were motivated to go to college you did not need to "afford to send them there". There are scholarships, financial aid, college loans, etc. And state schools are usually not that expensive. Something tells me that you did not even consider college for them.
If they were good high school students who were motivated to go to college you did not need to "afford to send them there". There are scholarships, financial aid, college loans, etc. And state schools are usually not that expensive. Something tells me that you did not even consider college for them.
He's got two deadbeat daughters, one with out of wedlock kids, and somehow he's the bad guy. CD never fails.
If they were good high school students who were motivated to go to college you did not need to "afford to send them there". There are scholarships, financial aid, college loans, etc. And state schools are usually not that expensive. Something tells me that you did not even consider college for them.
If. If they were good high school students who were motivated to go to college they wouldn't be getting pregnant out of wedlock by low-life boyfriends they fight with all the time.
Room and board usually exceed tuition. The annual cost to attend University of Texas is $26,000 instate and $52000 out of state. Do you consider that "not that expensive"?
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