Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well I've been doing a lot of thinking about it and I want to remain friends with her. I accept the fact that she doesn't feel the same way, and I didn't tell her I have feelings for her.
I enjoy spending time with her, and hanging out as friends, but then when I go home later, I feel a lot of anxiety about it not being more, and feels like a punch to the stomach. But I don't want to stop being friends with her over this, cause good friends are hard to find, and I don't have many. I would like to keep her as a friend, and still have a lot of fun times with her, but sever the connection of strong romantic feelings and just like her as a good friend.
However, we had a conversation about her new boyfriend and she told me that he is a recovering cocaine addict, who has gone back on the wagon, so to speak.
And I found this to be really surprising, and never thought she would date someone who was addict to coke. I mean I guess he is recovering which means he is trying to quit, but then he started up again on the last date she said.
I mean why would she choose a guy who has that problem? I've never been into anything like that, and neither has she, she said. Or maybe I am just being judgmental since I want a good guy for her, and maybe he has other good qualities, but should I be concerned?
Wow... Sounds like she has issues with her self worth, or she wants to "fix" or change someone with her love. Be her friend, but that should tell you everything right there. Judgmental or not, there are certain people you avoid.
Really, it's probably best that you back off and let her experience what she is going to experience. People who choose their relationships, or a woman over their addiction tend to be the exception from what I hear.
I don't know if she just bought into this "Good woman will change a man's ways" BS and just wants to prove to herself that she is a good woman, but you're better off pursuing other women. There are plenty of them out there and you have a chance of meeting someone who will make your friend look stale in comparison.
Prepare for a cryfest where she talks about how he stole all of her stuff and maybe even got her into that habit among other things that he has done to her.
Feelings latch on to whomever they want to latch on to. I think it's hard for a lot of people to understand that concept. You're not him, try to be thankful for that.
You realize you may not have to just deal with being her friend and seeing her with others but, in this case, have to also be hurt when you see she's hurting herself with her choices
Double whammy for you
It's similar with me. My lady friend is not in a relationship either, and we talked about it a few times including last night (she sometimes brings it up). I'm at the point where I can accept us being friends and we both move forward with someone else while maintaining our friendship.
One major factor is low self esteem/self worth. We both struggle with that. I personally have made it a point to pursue a greater sense of self worth(including weight loss, financial goals, building my life in general), and I hope to influence her along the way.
I've never brought it up to my friend because she's been so heavy on the friend mention lately that I figure what's the point..
I hear you about the low self esteem factor..I think that's a big part of this..I'm terrible at attracting women I finally thought I was about to succeed with this women and the fact I didn't kinda hurts my self esteem even more and makes me question myself..
Her on the other hand she has no self esteem problems at least about her looks and attracting men she's very confident..
The low self esteem part of me figures while we get along great she knows she can find somebody she gets along with like me but better looking taller more successful etc so why settle for me?
I'm curious, what makes this particular woman so special? She kind of gave you an answer already. Pseudo relationships are just that, pseudo. You're either dating someone or you're not. Don't settle for the inbetween.
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
Already been down this road before with a woman I was intimate with and we spent enough time together to where you would think we'd be the greatest couple. Turns out, she didn't have the same feelings for me as I had for her. I was fun enough to pseudo be dating, but I wasn't the guy she wanted to tag as her boyfriend. No harm and no foul. However, to keep my emotions in check, I had to end the friendship. I'm not the kind of person to play second fiddle, because I already know how this song and dance ends. Once she met the guy that she wanted to tag as her boyfriend, the hour glass would have started on our friendship. If her current boyfriend had any sense, he likely wouldn't be the most comfortable with his current girlfriend spending time with a guy she used to have a lot of fun with and be intimate with. Not saying that it can't work, but it's not worth it to you or her to hang on to something that's just cyclical.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Honestly, I sound like a broken record but your story is why I tell everyone who gets rejected, no friendship and no contact with anyone who rejects you. You are just torturing yourself with concern about her new guy when you don’t need to.
I'm not going to give you advice but you should read what these guys are telling you and then read it again and then read it AGAIN!
Okay thanks, well I'm getting out their and going on other dates, it's just every woman has been disappointing compared to how I feel about her. But I'm still open to dating others and I'm doing it.
Her bf left her again, so she is single again. But I've been going on other dates and meeting other women, while just seeing her as a friend.
I bow out of personal involvement when I start to catch myself wanting to know more about my plutonic friendships romantic inner workings or they start to offer me that insight themselves.
It can never serve you well unless you intend on inserting yourself inside beyond “just friends”
Boundaries exist in every type of relationship, not just romantic ones.
If you intend on keeping things separated you have to be willing to follow a path that facilitates your intentions.
Give yourself some significant time and involvement away from this person. The more you involve yourself the more influenced you will be by them.
She was ok to be FWB, and nothing more, and then just a friend.
She did not see in you what she was looking for whatever it was, but I guess she did with this new BF.
It sounds like you didn't like the fact that she found another guy that made her change her mind for a committed relationship. Some other guy has become the "Alpha male" in her life and you are just a pack pup now..........MOVE ON!
Last edited by MichaelBC; 01-17-2018 at 03:41 AM..
Reason: because I am me, and sometimes I can't spell! lol
Well I've been seeing a new girl for a while now, and it's going very well. However, I still have deep feelings for the friend though. So I am doing what everyone said and me and her are just friends now, and I got a new girl, soon to be exclusive gf I think, but I am still having trouble shedding the feelings for the friend.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
