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I would tell her how I feel and then cut her off when she says she just wants to be "friends" which will be the inevitable outcome, but that's my style. Some people would rather have the friendship. If I can't be exclusive I'm not going to sit there and watch as the other man gets her pregnant and be there by her side in all of it. Not gonna happen. If you like doing all those things together as a platonic friend and aren't willing to state your demands, more power to ya.
Women might like male friends, but when it comes to dating and relationships, unfortunately you tend to need to have this list of qualities such as being cocky, edgy, playful, confident, and aggressive, especially when they are in their 20's and haven't seen that these type of men can be a double edged sword. You are a man. Men are rational problem solvers who desire solutions to problems and homeostasis. You have a problem. You decide how you will solve it. Be the aggressor or sit for years and pine in misery about lost love, hanging around as a friend hoping she changes her mind, which she won't because you're not aggressive about your intentions. Good luck!
Well after reading this I think I would rather still be friends with her and not cut her off. Maybe I shouldn't tell her how I feel and continue being friends, since I enjoy the friendship and her company so much. Lately we've been doing other things than sex, and just hanging out in a group of friends, going to movies, etc. So I would rather have that since I enjoy her as a friend that was so much as oppose to cutting her off, as a result of telling her how I feel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick
If you guys are such good friends, how did you not know she was dating someone that would eventually turn into a relationship?
I didn't know she had a boyfriend till about a week ago. I was busy for a weeks with lots of overtime at work, and I haven't seen her for a while, then when I saw her again and we went out for some dinner, she told me she has a new bf.
Quote:
Originally Posted by codergirl
You should do what you feel is right but don't expecther to 'see the light' with you since obviously NOW she has a bf.This is from the same person who had told you before that she was only looking for a fwb...What that means is that she was only looking for YOU to be that because something in her mind is just not going to let her see you as more then just a fwb...hence the reason she now has a bf. Do what you feel is right though.Sometimes is just better to get things off of your chest.
Well now I am not sure if I should tell her or not. Some say don't do it, as it will just make things worse, and some say to do it...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
She didn't owe him the boyfriend title. They had a set arrangement as FWB that the OP agreed to. She met someone else and decided to date him. It is what it is. Some people end up catching feelings, which is why such arrangements can be tricky, but no one is entitled to be more than what both parties agreed to.
Yeah I know I wasn't entitled to anything more and I agreed to it.
However, it turns out her new by just broke up with her, and she is very upset about it. Strange since they have only been exclusive, for about a week, and then he decided to end it. But now she is really upset over it, and I want to comfort her of course, and try to make her feel better.
So... I guess that means things might go back to how they were I guess... But not sure how I feel about things now.
Well. Now there is a chance that she might begin to return your affections. I'm not sure how you should go about it though. Just actively be there for her I guess. Actively show her you care for how she feels or something.
I caught a good friend like that once. We were close friends and he broke up with her and I gave her my shoulder. We fell in love! In this case he was there before I came along.
I'm in the same situation except my friend is single but claims she can't date right now because she has to devote all of her energy into her daughter who's in high school..
Being in a friendship with a women where you catch feelings for her and you don't know or think is reciprocated is soul crushing..
This is the shortest and most accurate sentence to explain what it truly is like. I had this happen over the Summer this year and I described it as soul crushing. Once I told her my feelings and intentions, she didn't feel the same way and the friendship ended. It had to end, because if I kept hanging out with her I would have died inside a little bit more. There's nothing wrong with catching feelings for a friend. You just have to own up to those feelings and be assertive. If they reciprocate then you're in the clear. If they don't, take a break from the friendship, lick your wounds, and the reevaluate how you want to proceed.
It's not an easy process and can be gut wrenching, but feelings have a way of sneaking up on us from time to time.
I would stay away from that person and keep my contact with them at a minimum to allow myself to move on or at the very least see their actions from afar and disconnected from my own feelings for them before I ever made the choice to become involved with them again.
I’m not sure what a confession to them at this point in time will really accomplish to the situation outside of making known what she already doesn’t seem to care about with you.
You’re setting yourself up for some really bad things by placing all the power back in to her hands and choosing to focus only on what your feelings are driving you to do and ignoring the surrounding circumstance.
Likewise, so is waiting around and going out of your way to please her in hopes she will take your kind gestures as brownie points and give you a chance to be something more than a toy to play with.
You’re either going to have to go in to these things prepared that they will fail or just call it and understand it’s in your best interests to move on from her.
You don’t sound ready for either of these at the moment from what you have written here.
Yeah good point, I guess I just don't like giving up without at least some sort of attempt before calling it quits. I don't like taking the easy way out all the time, or taking short cuts, so to speak.
Yeah good point, I guess I just don't like giving up without at least some sort of attempt before calling it quits. I don't like taking the easy way out all the time, or taking short cuts, so to speak.
There's nothing wrong with consoling her from a distance. You don't want to put yourself in this situation again where she uses you until she meets her next boyfriend. If that's something you're okay with than proceed. However, from the thread title, I don't see you being okay with being a consolation prize for long. Life is full of decisions that we have to make where we have to make a decision we don't want to make, but it's best for our mental health and well being.
Yeah I guess, it's just that always seems to be the solution when asking people for advice, is just let it go. But then you don't meet any goals, cause you were to afraid to go after the woman you wanted, to afraid to pursue the career you wanted, to afraid to move, etc.
I guess I feel you might as well try then not try at all, otherwise I feel my self respect diminishing if I don't, if that makes sense?
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