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I wasn't sure which forum to post this in, so I guessed maybe this one.
Maybe she's not my best friend, but my best female one lately. Basically early this year I met her, but new from years ago and that's how we clicked. She said she was just looking for FWBs and so I tried that out with her, but we ended being good friends as well, and hanging out and doing all this other stuff together.
I developed feelings for her overtime and chose to ignore it since I liked her as a friend so much and valued that. Last night she told me she has a new bf now, and my feelings all of a sudden skyrocketed and I was surprised as to how much it's affected me. Maybe I'm in love, not sure, but definitely close.
I feel like maybe I should tell her how I feel since it's bothering me a lot more. I'm not looking to get her to leave her new bf if that is the right guy for her and if he makes her happy.
But at the same time, I have this huge weight on my heart that's bothering me, and I feel I should somehow lift it, and clear the air. What do you think?
Think about it- if she has a boyfriend, she was lying about the FWB thing. She just didn't want you to be the boyfriend. I've pulled that FWB thing out of a hat in the past too. "Sure- I'd like to hang out with you and bang you- but I can tell you right now I'm not generally interested."
Oh yeah, I figured that she doesn't feel the same for me. I just feel that maybe I should tell her to lift the weight off. But at the same time, I don't want to lose a good friend either.
Even if we don't sleep together, we still do all these other things together, so I don't want to lose that.
Don't make as a-ss of yourself. She's not as good of a friend as you think.
I would tell her how I feel and then cut her off when she says she just wants to be "friends" which will be the inevitable outcome, but that's my style. Some people would rather have the friendship. If I can't be exclusive I'm not going to sit there and watch as the other man gets her pregnant and be there by her side in all of it. Not gonna happen. If you like doing all those things together as a platonic friend and aren't willing to state your demands, more power to ya.
Women might like male friends, but when it comes to dating and relationships, unfortunately you tend to need to have this list of qualities such as being cocky, edgy, playful, confident, and aggressive, especially when they are in their 20's and haven't seen that these type of men can be a double edged sword. You are a man. Men are rational problem solvers who desire solutions to problems and homeostasis. You have a problem. You decide how you will solve it. Be the aggressor or sit for years and pine in misery about lost love, hanging around as a friend hoping she changes her mind, which she won't because you're not aggressive about your intentions. Good luck!
You should do what you feel is right but don't expecther to 'see the light' with you since obviously NOW she has a bf.This is from the same person who had told you before that she was only looking for a fwb...What that means is that she was only looking for YOU to be that because something in her mind is just not going to let her see you as more then just a fwb...hence the reason she now has a bf. Do what you feel is right though.Sometimes is just better to get things off of your chest.
Think about it- if she has a boyfriend, she was lying about the FWB thing. She just didn't want you to be the boyfriend. I've pulled that FWB thing out of a hat in the past too. "Sure- I'd like to hang out with you and bang you- but I can tell you right now I'm not generally interested."
She didn't owe him the boyfriend title. They had a set arrangement as FWB that the OP agreed to. She met someone else and decided to date him. It is what it is. Some people end up catching feelings, which is why such arrangements can be tricky, but no one is entitled to be more than what both parties agreed to.
I am sorry, man. I have followed your story throughout the year(s) here and I know you have a hard time picking the right women. Not sure, what to say here. *** hugs ****
I'm in the same situation except my friend is single but claims she can't date right now because she has to devote all of her energy into her daughter who's in high school..
Being in a friendship with a women where you catch feelings for her and you don't know or think is reciprocated is soul crushing..
I feel for you man. Letting go of someone you have feelings for is tough! You have this urgent need to talk to her, to express how you feel - but you can't.
I'm assuming she stopped the benefits part when she decided her other guy is a bf? Or did she have both of you for a while? It's not important anyway.
So your choice is to either suck it in (the best option) or to express your feelings for her and then cut her out completely. You could say something like "Hey, you know, I have realized I strong feelings for you. I just can't keep being your casual friend anymore 'cause it hurts. I am going to have to stay away from you. I wish you all the best with bf. Have a nice life". Then walk away.
Then again, she might be a cheater, in which case you might still get lucky from time to time. That you would have lost by expressing your feelings but do you want that now anyway?
My suggestion to you is to keep it to yourself. Find another outlet for your feelings. Just let things go as they flow.
It might be in your best interest to cut the relationship off unless you are able to suppress and deal with your feelings without too much heartache.
I would take this as a lesson learned, you may be better off avoiding "FWB" type relationships in the future.
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