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I'm curious, what makes this particular woman so special? She kind of gave you an answer already. You're FWB material but not boyfriend material in her life. Why are you still considering kicking the tires with her? I'm telling you from experience. There's not a better feeling than putting your feelings out there and accepting your fate, good or bad. Once you do that, it gives you the confidence to move on with no hard feelings. Where you're at now, you're essentially leading on other women, and yourself, while holding a candle for the one particular woman. Sure, you're out there meeting other people, but no one is this confused about their feelings. She either wants to date you or she doesn't. The longer you hang out trying to convince her otherwise, is time you're taking away from yourself to be emotionally free to seek out other women. Also, you're taking yourself away from being sought out by other women. Pseudo relationships are just that, pseudo. You're either dating someone or you're not. Don't settle for the inbetween.
Yup- don't get it either. There are multiple reasons why its a bad fit. She must be hot, and sounds like she's pretty easy to get into bed. Not that there is anything wrong with that
No it's not that, it's just we have become close friends and have done a lot of other things besides sex, and I feel I have a deep connection with her and she makes me laugh and makes me happy.
No it's not that, it's just we have become close friends and have done a lot of other things besides sex, and I feel I have a deep connection with her and she makes me laugh and makes me happy.
Right, but like when she was dating this last guy, your connection wasn't all that close. Some people do have those lasting friendships that aren't interrupted when one or both are in relationships. What we're saying is you're trying to mold yourself to be the type of boyfriend she wants to be with. That's not fair to you. Number one rule of a friendship is you should be able to be yourself around them. However, you're trying to be the type of guy that she desires. That game won't work on her, because she already knows the type of guy you are. A nice guy, but not the guy she wants to tag as her boyfriend.
Already been down this road before with a woman I was intimate with and we spent enough time together to where you would think we'd be the greatest couple. Turns out, she didn't have the same feelings for me as I had for her. I was fun enough to pseudo be dating, but I wasn't the guy she wanted to tag as her boyfriend. No harm and no foul. However, to keep my emotions in check, I had to end the friendship. I'm not the kind of person to play second fiddle, because I already know how this song and dance ends. Once she met the guy that she wanted to tag as her boyfriend, the hour glass would have started on our friendship. If her current boyfriend had any sense, he likely wouldn't be the most comfortable with his current girlfriend spending time with a guy she used to have a lot of fun with and be intimate with. Not saying that it can't work, but it's not worth it to you or her to hang on to something that's just cyclical.
Right, but like when she was dating this last guy, your connection wasn't all that close. Some people do have those lasting friendships that aren't interrupted when one or both are in relationships. What we're saying is you're trying to mold yourself to be the type of boyfriend she wants to be with. That's not fair to you. Number one rule of a friendship is you should be able to be yourself around them. However, you're trying to be the type of guy that she desires. That game won't work on her, because she already knows the type of guy you are. A nice guy, but not the guy she wants to tag as her boyfriend.
Already been down this road before with a woman I was intimate with and we spent enough time together to where you would think we'd be the greatest couple. Turns out, she didn't have the same feelings for me as I had for her. I was fun enough to pseudo be dating, but I wasn't the guy she wanted to tag as her boyfriend. No harm and no foul. However, to keep my emotions in check, I had to end the friendship. I'm not the kind of person to play second fiddle, because I already know how this song and dance ends. Once she met the guy that she wanted to tag as her boyfriend, the hour glass would have started on our friendship. If her current boyfriend had any sense, he likely wouldn't be the most comfortable with his current girlfriend spending time with a guy she used to have a lot of fun with and be intimate with. Not saying that it can't work, but it's not worth it to you or her to hang on to something that's just cyclical.
Which is why I think most male female friendships don't make much sense and if one side develops feelings you might as well go for it because once the other person gets back into a relationship you're not gonna be seeing them anyway.
Well I've been doing a lot of thinking about it and I want to remain friends with her. I accept the fact that she doesn't feel the same way, and I didn't tell her I have feelings for her.
I enjoy spending time with her, and hanging out as friends, but then when I go home later, I feel a lot of anxiety about it not being more, and feels like a punch to the stomach. But I don't want to stop being friends with her over this, cause good friends are hard to find, and I don't have many. I would like to keep her as a friend, and still have a lot of fun times with her, but sever the connection of strong romantic feelings and just like her as a good friend.
However, we had a conversation about her new boyfriend and she told me that he is a recovering cocaine addict, who has gone back on the wagon, so to speak.
And I found this to be really surprising, and never thought she would date someone who was addict to coke. I mean I guess he is recovering which means he is trying to quit, but then he started up again on the last date she said.
I mean why would she choose a guy who has that problem? I've never been into anything like that, and neither has she, she said. Or maybe I am just being judgmental since I want a good guy for her, and maybe he has other good qualities, but should I be concerned?
You realize you may not have to just deal with being her friend and seeing her with others but, in this case, have to also be hurt when you see she's hurting herself with her choices
Double whammy for you
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
Well I've been doing a lot of thinking about it and I want to remain friends with her. I accept the fact that she doesn't feel the same way, and I didn't tell her I have feelings for her.
I enjoy spending time with her, and hanging out as friends, but then when I go home later, I feel a lot of anxiety about it not being more, and feels like a punch to the stomach. But I don't want to stop being friends with her over this, cause good friends are hard to find, and I don't have many. I would like to keep her as a friend, and still have a lot of fun times with her, but sever the connection of strong romantic feelings and just like her as a good friend.
However, we had a conversation about her new boyfriend and she told me that he is a recovering cocaine addict, who has gone back on the wagon, so to speak.
And I found this to be really surprising, and never thought she would date someone who was addict to coke. I mean I guess he is recovering which means he is trying to quit, but then he started up again on the last date she said.
I mean why would she choose a guy who has that problem? I've never been into anything like that, and neither has she, she said. Or maybe I am just being judgmental since I want a good guy for her, and maybe he has other good qualities, but should I be concerned?
Honestly, I sound like a broken record but your story is why I tell everyone who gets rejected, no friendship and no contact with anyone who rejects you. You are just torturing yourself with concern about her new guy when you don’t need to.
Honestly, I sound like a broken record but your story is why I tell everyone who gets rejected, no friendship and no contact with anyone who rejects you. You are just torturing yourself with concern about her new guy when you don’t need to.
I'm in the same spot except my friends not in a relationship and I never officially asked her out..
I value our friendship too much to just get her out of my life but I see your side because every time I'm with her I think about us being together..
I'm in the same spot except my friends not in a relationship and I never officially asked her out..
I value our friendship too much to just get her out of my life but I see your side because every time I'm with her I think about us being together..
It's similar with me. My lady friend is not in a relationship either, and we talked about it a few times including last night (she sometimes brings it up). I'm at the point where I can accept us being friends and we both move forward with someone else while maintaining our friendship.
One major factor is low self esteem/self worth. We both struggle with that. I personally have made it a point to pursue a greater sense of self worth(including weight loss, financial goals, building my life in general), and I hope to influence her along the way.
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