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Honestly, I think the OP's bigger challenge is not to find someone who has similar interests and who doesn't mind him having a room of his own, it's finding someone who is okay with being his entire social life, and vice versa. It's one thing to be a bit of a homebody and to want your own space, but expecting a girlfriend to not have a life of her own outside of you (and feeling that you have no life without an SO) is going to be an issue.
That's what I'm seeing, too. Like he wants his would-be partner's social life to revolve around him and admonishes the reality that people have other things going on in their life that isn't conducive to being attached to the hip 24/7.
Listen, it's just how things are in the 21st century. My 12 year old only has one person she considers a real friend. Others are acquaintances that can come in and out of her life. She is introverted. With the exception of her family and her bestie, she can do with or without other human beings in her life. that's just how she is. She loves Sims 4. A lot more of herself is expressed through the screen. I don't think this is unhealthy at all. Some people feel more comfortable with the electronic/online world. I'm not going to force her through awkward social situations. I was never the social butterfly either. As long as her grades haven't suffered and she's not withering away in solitude, she's okay in my book. Please note: we do control how long she plays games. It sure would be nice if people would be accepting of others and realize that not everyone is the same. The generalizations in this topic are amazing (people who play games are immature, living in the parents' basement, yada yada).
I could easily have met people via traditional means. been there, done that. i met my husband on an online video game message board. we "met" and became friends via an electronic medium - in the early 2000s, when it was still uncommon to meet people. Neither of us lived with our parents. I bought a condo at 21 and had a good job, and he was living on his own as well. We both loved video games. Every night, when I came home from work, between chatting with him, I played Final Fantasy X. It's really refreshing to find someone who "gets it" and "gets you". We've been married now for almost 15 years, with two gamer kids. We play a lot of board games too. People who game are not hermits who haven't washed for a week. We also do other things besides gaming - like being parents, shuttling kids around, working out (I work out a lot), etc. but gaming is a shared hobby.
There are people out there who are down with guys like the OP. As for man caves, as I've expressed before, I'm all for him having a space that's his, dedicated to his hobbies, and free from my input.
The issue with this line of thinking is that is assumes all women are the same and will "see" the same thing when they see your man cave. While this may be a turn off for some or even many women, the goal should be finding someone who appreciates you for who you are, man cave and all.
Only if you count all of the ones he has created on screens.
I've been trying, every time I get into a cyphorx thread, to figure out what it is that is offputting. It's definitely something, but it's not merely this or only that. It's...kind of the whole deal. I can imagine forgiving a guy for having a house in a sketchy area, especially when I was younger and less established myself. I can forgive a man for having his own minimalist style. I am not completely put off by a guy liking video games or wanting a man cave or whatever. And I am pretty comfortable with introverts, though a man who demands that I become an introvert to suit his needs would never fly. But there's just something about the whole package, that says "this guy would seriously be a lot happier with a robot than a human woman." I think the memes with the SIM-people is what keeps reinforcing that. The impression that, here is a man, who is far more at home in a fantasy, than in the real world with real people. It disturbs me.
I can only hope maybe there's a woman out there who feels exactly the same and maybe they find each other. I don't know her. If anyone ever meets a woman (probably online) who seems like a good fit, you should really send her his way, because I just don't think there are many such individuals and they'll need all the help they can get to find one another.
I'll take the pledge. If I ever meet she-phorx, I will totally make sure to put the two of you in contact, man. I promise.
Exactly. His minimalist style, introversion, interests, low-key demeanor, etc., are not necessarily deterrents for the right partner. Those are some of the traits I prefer and looked for in a match (and then some), but what he wants extends beyond that into a bizarre territory of wanting a partner who doesn't simply possess similar traits/personality/interests/lifestyle, but other seemingly unhealthy or fantasy-esque quirks and idiosyncrasies.
My wife has her own “cave” (craft room) however, she refuses to think of it in such a way. She probably feels this makes her selfish to allow herself to think of it in this way.
If you ask her about the room it’s just another room in the house, but god help you if you enter alone, unauthorized or touch anything within that room. It’s a carefully managed and taken care of space that only she has full access to manipulate and give permissions towards
It takes a special kind of glasses to see the world this way I suppose, but that’s my wife.
If someone ever started going off on me about my space being a “man cave” and how they disapprove of having my own space to do my own things in?
That’s why I have a door attached to it. It’s the only thing I have to shut the outside world up and out when I just want time to invest in my own activities untouched or unhindered. It’s eaisly shut on those who can’t shut up about themselves.
You need to find someone similar or understanding of who you are OP. Not someone who wishes to use you as their own personal lap dog, that’s something I’m not sure directly relates to the topic of “man caves” in and of itself.
Listen, it's just how things are in the 21st century. My 12 year old only has one person she considers a real friend. Others are acquaintances that can come in and out of her life. She is introverted. With the exception of her family and her bestie, she can do with or without other human beings in her life. that's just how she is. She loves Sims 4. A lot more of herself is expressed through the screen. I don't think this is unhealthy at all. Some people feel more comfortable with the electronic/online world. I'm not going to force her through awkward social situations. I was never the social butterfly either. As long as her grades haven't suffered and she's not withering away in solitude, she's okay in my book. Please note: we do control how long she plays games. It sure would be nice if people would be accepting of others and realize that not everyone is the same. The generalizations in this topic are amazing (people who play games are immature, living in the parents' basement, yada yada).
I could easily have met people via traditional means. been there, done that. i met my husband on an online video game message board. we "met" and became friends via an electronic medium - in the early 2000s, when it was still uncommon to meet people. Neither of us lived with our parents. I bought a condo at 21 and had a good job, and he was living on his own as well. We both loved video games. Every night, when I came home from work, between chatting with him, I played Final Fantasy X. It's really refreshing to find someone who "gets it" and "gets you". We've been married now for almost 15 years, with two gamer kids. We play a lot of board games too. People who game are not hermits who haven't washed for a week. We also do other things besides gaming - like being parents, shuttling kids around, working out (I work out a lot), etc. but gaming is a shared hobby.
There are people out there who are down with guys like the OP. As for man caves, as I've expressed before, I'm all for him having a space that's his, dedicated to his hobbies, and free from my input.
But if you knew the OP's history, it really isn't his introversion and interest in gaming and the like. I used to be an avid gamer and dated other gamers (with regular "white collar" jobs and kids to boot). That was one of our "things" to do together. Both our 13 and 11 year old daughters are very introverted gamers that like and deal with most people in very small doses. (both have, like, one person they'd call an actual friend and are otherwise absorbed in their own interests that aren't people-centered.) We sometimes play and do introverted family things and yet do day-to-day activities that normal families do. Those are all fine if it's just how everyone operates, but the OP lives in a sort of fantasy world where his ideal match has virtually no life outside being attached to him and his sort of lifestyle.
There's be no need for a "man cave." It would be our "cave" as we share the same leisure activities and interests. We brainstorm ideas for a media/entertainment room quite often. Projector, theater seats, gaming area, lounge sacs, sci-fi and fantasy Knicknacks, stereo system, a place for his guitars, etc.
We already have that vibe in the living room with LED light strips, mounted guitars, gaming units, and we have to remount our lightsabers above the TV.
Perhaps find someone with complimentary tastes, styles and interests.
Do you know how rare you are? quick look at your profile and post history it seems YOU ARE COOL AS HELL!!!!! and most likely make up about 12% of the female population just based of your interests, I don't know what your views on monogamy or respectful behavior within the confines of a relationship but factoring those things in I'm not looking for a needle in a haystack, I'm looking for a particular needle in a giant mound of needles. meaning closer to 2% of the population. and like you 90% of that 2% are most likely already married or attached as I don't see a sane guy giving that up.
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Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Honestly, I think the OP's bigger challenge is not to find someone who has similar interests and who doesn't mind him having a room of his own, it's finding someone who is okay with being his entire social life, and vice versa. It's one thing to be a bit of a homebody and to want your own space, but expecting a girlfriend to not have a life of her own outside of you (and feeling that you have no life without an SO) is going to be an issue.
yep it's basically like ice-skating uphill. the only hope is their ARE happy couples out there who are in the types of relationships I seek, problem is most of them are very young and the ones who are my age usually met when they were very young.
You know what I am speaking of, that one or two couples everyone knows that have been together for years and you never see one without the other and they always look like a pair of hormonal teenagers.
one of my cousins refers to them as "get a room" couples.
I don't have a problem with it. I like gaming too. And if you are single and paying for all the space yourself, it should make you happy! I think it's a good idea to have the house pretty minimal and acceptable with a gaming room that's all yours. Easy to keep clean too because you will spend most of your time in the gaming room.
I don't have a problem with it. I like gaming too. And if you are single and paying for all the space yourself, it should make you happy! I think it's a good idea to have the house pretty minimal and acceptable with a gaming room that's all yours. Easy to keep clean too because you will spend most of your time in the gaming room.
You know what I am speaking of, that one or two couples everyone knows that have been together for years and you never see one without the other and they always look like a pair of hormonal teenagers.
one of my cousins refers to them as "get a room" couples.
Honestly, I don't know any couples like that. The ones that are long-term are generally not all over each other 24/7, and the ones who make a big deal about PDA usually burn out pretty quickly and don't go the distance.
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