Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
For me, a major way to avoid the shallow, insecure, superficial types is to NOT do online dating. Meet people the old fashioned way, through activities you enjoy. It could be a hobby, avocation, charity work, sports, etc.
Yes, this. I've met so many wonderful women through sports leagues.
It's sounding to me like there was a misunderstanding about the nature of these "dates", between the OP and his erstwhile "guests".
Well, right. If you're at the point of flying into town to meet someone you've met on a dating site and you're staying at their home, most people would assume that they're not there for a friendly handshake and separate bedrooms.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 08-06-2018 at 10:01 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Well, right. If you're at the point of flying into town to meet someone you've met on a dating site and you're staying at their home, most people would assume that you're not there for a friendly handshake and separate bedrooms.
Yes, young people seem completely unaware of a time when keeping up with friends you don't see every day was a lot more difficult and efforts were easily abandoned. It required a phone call that often did not get returned. Before answering machines, they would never even know you called, so unless you had explicit information to convey, you would just call another time when the mood struck, days or even weeks later.
If your friend was out of town, you would rack up long distance fees by the minute, so you'd keep the conversation short and confined to important matters. To just shoot the breeze, you'd have to write a letter and wait for a reply. Which came weeks later, or not at all.
Today people expect instant responses to every inconsequential little thought that pours out of their stream of consciousness and into their texting thumbs.
Yeah, I recall when the voicemail first came out, or even the regular answering machine. I was in the habit of calling until someone picked up. Like I would call, and without a VM, I'd just let it ring a few times and if no one was home...I'd call back a few hours later.
Then when the VM came out, they know that you rang them and would get irritated with those that didn't leave a VM. lol
NOW...Voicemail is useless because people see that you call, not listen to the VM, and just call you back. I'd be like "YOu listen to my VM" they be like "No, I just saw that you called".
NOW...Voicemail is useless because people see that you call, not listen to the VM, and just call you back. I'd be like "YOu listen to my VM" they be like "No, I just saw that you called".
Now you are complaining that people are TOO quick to respond?
I'm in my mid 20s and to some extent do encounter what the OP's author writes about. But, I'm saying no thanks to all that because ambiguity isn't what I'm looking for. If I want a date, I know I need to ask for a date. Why would I want to "hang out" with someone I want to date? "Hanging out" just sounds like friends and may or may not include benefits. But a serious relationship? Definitely not clear it's headed there with language like that.
This is what I'm talking about and just the age group I was referring to - starting to get some experience in dating and no longer calling it by "kid" terms. A little older than the author of the blog.
Everybody grows up (or...most people do). Being young is normal; being young and confused is normal. Growing out of that, eventually, is also normal.
So is (no offense intended to the very young) thinking every event is the end of the world and having a "nobody understands" POV. That's a tradition! I remember it well.
If you're middle aged, though, and still this confused, the reality is, you have some big, big stuff to work on.
The bolded has been going on since email was invented. You might send an out of state friend a newsy email, with a couple of questions following up on some issues they're dealing with, and they ignore the questions, and only give you generalities in response. This used to be considered rude. That would never happen in a phone conversation, like the kind codergirl mentioned, where you call someone you haven't seen in a long time, for a good visit by phone. But a lot of people avoid that now, even though emailing (typing out a conversation) actually takes more time.
"Distancing technologies" is a great way of putting it. This is all leading toward minimizing human contact. No wonder we get threads that say, "What does this gesture, or facial expression, mean?" People are losing the ability to interpret non-verbal communication in face-to-face interactions, as that type of social interaction becomes more rare.
Yup, and before that it was, "Oh, you I ow what, my answering machine went on the fritz! I lost, like, sooo many messages!"
People have been creatively avoiding one another for decades now.
By 30 she'll be writing different stuff. Mining different dramatic prose to get her blog read. As writers must in a competitive blogosphere.
I get this idea too. It's difficult to do heavy work particularly early in your career when you have little life experience. This is even more true for writers. I thought the article was well written from a technical point of view (I have professional experience) and believe the author will write more serious articles later in her career when she has more life experience.
My own opinion is that I've experienced about half the stuff she wrote, but not the other half at all.
It's amazing that we have all this technologies, ie smart phones, but choose to ignore texts and voicemails...or at the very lest respond to your text WAY after its time when they were SUPPOSED to reply. There's also something called "Selective texting" where people respond to your text, but don't address the question you asked.
I remember asking someone if they'd like to get together on a Saturday, only for them wait until Monday to respond by saying, "Hey, I'm just now getting to this text, sorry, things have been hectic...", but it's too late.
The thing is, people actually rationalize this to the point where its become socially acceptable. Some have admitted to "Being bad about returning calls/texts."
This is why I use text as a secondary or tertiary communications medium.
My problem with cell calls is that my cell sits on the charger most days (and nights) and some days I never even look at it (like days I'm staying in). I've given my friends and dates my home phone number, and that phone is 2 feet from my elbow all day every day, if only they'd call me on that.
Actually a text would be better because I see my tablet a lot more often than I see my cell, although my tablet gets only iMessages (Apple) not SMS texts. Fortunately it appears most of my dates own Apple cells. — I respond to those quickly unless I'm out on a date. (Very rude to phone or text while on a date.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Yup, even with answering machines, how many trillions of messages got deleted "by mistake" or erased by roommates, or otherwise were never heard. And you had no idea as the sender. How many times did a person speak to a parent or roommate and the message never got to the intended recipient... or did it? The number of times in my 20s my anticipation would be sky high walking in the door hoping for a blinking red light...
I've wondered this too. Also there is the chance that somebody in the recipient's household doesn't like you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Then when the VM came out, they know that you rang them and would get irritated with those that didn't leave a VM. lol
NOW...Voicemail is useless because people see that you call, not listen to the VM, and just call you back. I'd be like "YOu listen to my VM" they be like "No, I just saw that you called".
I do that too, get a call, call them back rather than listening to the VM. I wish my friends would leave only essential messages. A missed call with no VM from a friend is message enough: "I want to talk to you" is the implied message when one isn't left.
Please don't leave me a "please call me message." I'll see your call on my missed calls list and call you anyway. Now I have to erase the damned message before I call you, a wasted step.
Last edited by Lovehound; 08-06-2018 at 11:13 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
and having a "nobody understands" POV. That's a tradition! I remember it well.
