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She says baby is making her emotionally disturbed; She is breast feeding the baby and sleeping late; the baby wakes her up multiple times in the night and then wakes up early in the Morning; this all makes her not have enough sleep time and then she becomes moody and hyper aggressive when I am around;
I will take care of the baby when I come home, but I need her to start being positive.
Nobody knows about our conflict and she wants to keep it that way; She is threatening to hurt her self if I continue to pursue this topic; I do not know at this point how I can make her happy.
I can not read her mind; and its hard to tell where and what she is thinking as she is not sharing whats in her mind.
How can I talk about this things to her without fighting? Is it just part of being mom and anxiety of going back to work and baby not ready? I want to show empathy and try to work through this.
You Can't Make Her Happy. If she does act on the self harm threat, call emergency services. WHY do you want to talk to her?
You don't need her approval to speak to a divorce attorney or seek a divorce.
Look man. I am as pro-open ETHICAL non-monogamy as they come. Full stop. That is not what your wife is doing. She wants her cake of pretty looking happy family life and your part of the parenting and living and income. AND to have her love man too. And YOU are the one getting bent over for it.
You Can't Make Her Happy. If she does act on the self harm threat, call emergency services. WHY do you want to talk to her?
You don't need her approval to speak to a divorce attorney or seek a divorce.
Look man. I am as pro-open ETHICAL non-monogamy as they come. Full stop. That is not what your wife is doing. She wants her cake of pretty looking happy family life and your part of the parenting and living and income. AND to have her love man too. And YOU are the one getting bent over for it.
The thing is the third party has everything she wants in a man of her dream;
He is manager, very good communication skills and connection with her; Plays sports professionally, so has big group of friends he goes out to party with; strong leadership quality; He has two houses, and has traveled different parts of the world seems to have traditional flavors as well considering he knows all the religious recitals and follows all the traditional and religious beliefs; He also studied in same college as her from India, so they share all the stories from back there, and he knows all the songs and cultural anecdotes from there.
He has Koran and Masque in his house too; so, he is following two religion and has lot of knowledge that she would like to receive; He is promising that we will travel the world with him and he will make all his travel plan along with us.
On the other side; The guy from College was single, and does not have house or the knowledge; So, I fared well against that guy, but this new guy is at top of his game has all the accolades and achievements along with family; and I am having to compete against all that.
You don't seem to really want advice. You let her have some many relationships outside your marriage she seems to think its a right now. You kind of dug your hole with this buddy. She's going to have a temper tantrum and threaten you whenever you draw the line. And you will give in because you want to keep her. There's not much more you can do unless you are willing to leave her.
You don't seem to really want advice. You let her have some many relationships outside your marriage she seems to think its a right now. You kind of dug your hole with this buddy. She's going to have a temper tantrum and threaten you whenever you draw the line. And you will give in because you want to keep her. There's not much more you can do unless you are willing to leave her.
I never had this kind of experience or feelings before; this is the first time that I felt she crossed the boundary because the third person was dictating our life and most important decisions in our life; like going on vacation together or celebrating religious holiday; I never questioned up to now because I never got involved with other guys, So never knew the extent to how they were involved with her at that time.
This is all new to me; as I was all about going out doing activities with friends and family; but to have such a strong bond and attachment with another is a new concept to me; I tried to pull back but she was already too far away and her tantrum started as she started saying I am useless and have no social skills; According to her I dependent on her for going out and doing activities as I was always going out with only her friends; even my extended family loves her and she mentioned that she has very good social skills and is able to make people like her on any any situation.
If I have just started to question this all now; then how can I not give her opportunity to mend and to realize as my ignorance got us this far; so wouldn't my attention change her way of looking?
I never had this kind of experience or feelings before; this is the first time that I felt she crossed the boundary because the third person was dictating our life and most important decisions in our life; like going on vacation together or celebrating religious holiday; I never questioned up to now because I never got involved with other guys, So never knew the extent to how they were involved with her at that time.
You are not supposed to be in a competition, remember?
So you have to stop fearing her feelings and remember that your needs matter too.
Tell you parents. Tell you brother. Tell everyone. You need backup to keep your child in a safe environment. If she is THAT unstable, she needs medical help and shouldn't be alone with the baby.
But I doubt she is. She's just using those threats to keep you from ruining her fun.
Quote:
Originally Posted by indca
This is all new to me; as I was all about going out doing activities with friends and family; but to have such a strong bond and attachment with another is a new concept to me; I tried to pull back but she was already too far away and her tantrum started as she started saying I am useless and have no social skills; According to her I dependent on her for going out and doing activities as I was always going out with only her friends; even my extended family loves her and she mentioned that she has very good social skills and is able to make people like her on any any situation.
If I have just started to question this all now; then how can I not give her opportunity to mend and to realize as my ignorance got us this far; so wouldn't my attention change her way of looking?
No, I doubt that your attention would do anything now. It sounds like it is too late. She isn't interested in "mending" because that would be harder for her than what she's doing right now.
Make an appointment to discuss things with a divorce attorney. Then tell your family what is going on so they can support you.
You are not supposed to be in a competition, remember?
So you have to stop fearing her feelings and remember that your needs matter too.
Tell you parents. Tell you brother. Tell everyone. You need backup to keep your child in a safe environment. If she is THAT unstable, she needs medical help and shouldn't be alone with the baby.
But I doubt she is. She's just using those threats to keep you from ruining her fun.
No, I doubt that your attention would do anything now. It sounds like it is too late. She isn't interested in "mending" because that would be harder for her than what she's doing right now.
Make an appointment to discuss things with a divorce attorney. Then tell your family what is going on so they can support you.
According to her she had to go to this guys because my family was too aggressive against her and she needed emotional support, and I was not there for her.
From beginning I told her not to mind all things that my mom says as my mom comes from conservative culture and wanted my wife to be more traditional; She cried a lot at times and wanted me to fight my mom; I had lot of confrontation with my family regarding this as well but I never let them know about any conflict we had as I wanted to resolve issues with her internally and not take it to parents;
And, I told her to just get strong and develop herself; that way she can support herself and does not have to depend on anybody;
She always wanted people to like her so when we had issues in house; she broke down emotionally and she sought out other people and places to get rid of her sorrow; so, now that my parents are in India for last three months because of her attachment to all this emotional connections she still goes back to them and I am losing control of the situation.
The thing is the third party has everything she wants in a man of her dream;
He is manager, very good communication skills and connection with her; Plays sports professionally, so has big group of friends he goes out to party with; strong leadership quality; He has two houses, and has traveled different parts of the world seems to have traditional flavors as well considering he knows all the religious recitals and follows all the traditional and religious beliefs; He also studied in same college as her from India, so they share all the stories from back there, and he knows all the songs and cultural anecdotes from there.
He has Koran and Masque in his house too; so, he is following two religion and has lot of knowledge that she would like to receive; He is promising that we will travel the world with him and he will make all his travel plan along with us.
On the other side; The guy from College was single, and does not have house or the knowledge; So, I fared well against that guy, but this new guy is at top of his game has all the accolades and achievements along with family; and I am having to compete against all that.
So? What do YOU do? How is this working out for YOU?
According to her she had to go to this guys because my family was too aggressive against her and she needed emotional support, and I was not there for her.
From beginning I told her not to mind all things that my mom says as my mom comes from conservative culture and wanted my wife to be more traditional; She cried a lot at times and wanted me to fight my mom;
And you did not stand your ground and defend your wife, why, exactly?
Quote:
I had lot of confrontation with my family regarding this as well but I never let them know about any conflict we had as I wanted to resolve issues with her internally and not take it to parents;
And, I told her to just get strong and develop herself; that way she can support herself and does not have to depend on anybody;
She always wanted people to like her so when we had issues in house; she broke down emotionally and she sought out other people and places to get rid of her sorrow; so, now that my parents are in India for last three months because of her attachment to all this emotional connections she still goes back to them and I am losing control of the situation.
You have long ago "lost control" of this situation. It is a full on **** show.
So you've been working all day, OP, and she's been doing ... what? with her boyfriend?
I know you are confused and worried. So let's look at it this way ... what is the worst thing that can happen if you tell her you won't accept this anymore?
She won't spend time with you? She's already NOT doing that.
She'll yell at you and threaten you? She does that too.
She'll find someone else? Check.
Stop keeping all her secrets. You can't complain about her being unfaithful and then go around helping her do it!
Snap out of it and figure out a plan to get your self-respect and dignity back.
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