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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
You made an erroneous assumption and a generalization.
I met my boyfriend online, and I'm ancient. But this isn't really the point. SOME people get it and some don't. Age isn't the determining factor. That's just **silly.**
ok...but the people that don’t get it also are usually older & had the internet taught to them at an older age....didn’t mean any harm or to offend.....ita there are websites for older people to meet too....
The internet is more second nature to us.......in how we meet friends or date or do anything IMO. Even in high school we would meet friends from other schools all the time.....
Just skimming through the thread I didn't really see a lot of posts about how long before being alone, as in hard numbers. I'm curious what women think here because as a man I rarely have to think about these sort of things. More often I'd be cautious if an area looked sketchy, but I've rarely feared for my safety on the same level that a woman might. I'm curious what women think here.
How frequently does that occur? Is that some the average woman on line date gets one a day, once a week, once a month, one a year or just something you heard happened to a friend of a friend?
It is indeed a learned trait, plus instinct. Pay attention.
I do have a friend or relative text me while meeting someone for the first time. They know it’s so I can also use them as an “excuse” if I have to leave. Never because the guy is boring or I find him unattractive in person, I’ll stick it out til the end of the meeting if that’s the case. But having an excuse to say: “Oh sorry, I’m going to have to cut this short” has helped me on a couple of occasions when being confrontational may not have been wise.
The instinct part: I was meeting someone for the second time, liked him, chemistry, very charming. He had just moved into a new house, was raving about the river view and his great backyard and patio. He invited me over for a drink, outside on the patio, said he wanted to use his new grill. Sounds like fun! I’m not scared of people, I actually have had years of self defense classes from working inside of a state hospital. That all helps in my decision making process. Still, when my sister texted, he asked “who’s that?” I smiled and told him it was my sister, she checks on me if I tell her I’m meeting someone I don’t know very well.
He told me to text her and tell her I’m “Fine.” I got a strange feeling by his insistence (all up in my business) when he told me about a half an hour later: “You know me, you really need to get back to your sister, tell her you’re ok.” I don’t know if it’s because I strongly don’t like to be told what to do, or if I pictured some kind of hostage situation where the person is forced to pretend they’re ok, but I didn’t respond, because I wasn’t ready to say I was “ok”! Sheesh, I finished my drink, came up with some excuse to leave and cut the whole thing short.
It doesn’t matter if you meet someone online or in person, trust your gut and don’t feel rude for leaving the scene.
People younger than 31 get online dating......they grew up on the internet & they aren’t afraid to meet people on it......with the right precautions....it’s not an insult........
I agree. It's typically younger people who are comfortable with online dating, and people "past a certain age" that see it as some scary, sinister thing.
I also think there are advantages in the post internet era, where if you have red flags about someone you can simply look up their background report on the internet, without them ever knowing about it. Those advantages didn't really exist prior. You can also see their social media pages and find out other information about them online.
People younger than 31 get online dating......they grew up on the internet & they aren’t afraid to meet people on it......with the right precautions....it’s not an insult.......
E d i t: A N D everyone in their 20s has tried online dating or knows someone that has.....& has watched Nev & Max for what to do & how to research.....or they have met a friend through social media.....
(As an aside, I did meet a Crip online. It was a great experience and sadly had to end.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Just skimming through the thread I didn't really see a lot of posts about how long before being alone, as in hard numbers. I'm curious what women think here because as a man I rarely have to think about these sort of things. More often I'd be cautious if an area looked sketchy, but I've rarely feared for my safety on the same level that a woman might. I'm curious what women think here.
Actual answer to actual thread topic you say? What a marvelous idea!
My personal preference, which is based on my experiences and "skillset" would be: A couple of messages, a minimum of 5 texts, 1 inperson public place meeting for a few hours, a couple more messages or phone call, then I'm secure to meet alone.
Thanks for having me.
Just skimming through the thread I didn't really see a lot of posts about how long before being alone, as in hard numbers. I'm curious what women think here because as a man I rarely have to think about these sort of things. More often I'd be cautious if an area looked sketchy, but I've rarely feared for my safety on the same level that a woman might. I'm curious what women think here.
I'm guilty.
Here's my answer (for what its worth)… If I started talking to them online, I will message for a couple of days, then text and call for a few days, then arrange a meet up in a public place. I will meet him at that place and tell a family member or a good friend where I am meeting him. How fast I meet up with him depends on how much I get to know about him during the texts and calls and my comfort level.
As far as being alone? I go by how well I have gotten to know him and my instincts.
The key is to take precautions and be as safe as you possibly can.
When online, I always meet at a public place of my choice. No meeting halfway if there is distance. I judge when to meet alone with him based on my gut feeling and how much we have talked and what he volunteers to share. I use his information to do a background check. If what he has told me checks out and there is no criminal history, including lots of traffic tickets, I am comfortable meeting alone usually on the third or fourth date. This has worked for me. There has been only one person with blue collar criminal history, whom I ceased contact before meeting. I have never received sex pics or felt pressured for sex. I am senior who date men in my age range, so it may make it easier after the background check. My thoughts are if he has remained criminal free and has reached senior status, he probably is not trying to go to jail at this point in his life.
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