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I think he's saying that this was his first ever interaction with this woman. You don't usually ask to meet someone in the first conversation, when you're trying to decide if you even want to meet them.
Two things here. First, this seems to be texting in general, whether to a date, friend, co-worker, vendor, etc. You ask 3 questions and you'll get 1 or 2 answers. If you want every question answered you need to ask them one at a time. And if you want a response to a comment you had best put a question mark at the end of it that clearly calls for a response.
Second, in this case it sounds like she was fishing for an invite or request for a date. It could be she doesn't wish to chit chat via text. Ask her if you can call her or ask her out, if you are interested.
So true!
I'm to the point of asking ONE question per text to make sure it's answered. If I ask two, as you've experienced, only one will get answered. There is something about texting that has increased ADD in people of all ages. They're easily distracted. They can only handle responding to a question one at a time. Anymore and it sets off their ADD.
Get away from texting or IMs and take it to a phone call, pronto. Texting is not for conversations, it's best for short messages or to provide updates. The goal is to move towards a date in person if there's some compatibility.
If the phone call goes well and it seems like it might be nice to meet, arrange to meet for coffee. Just coffee (or tea). Nothing fancy, no pressure. Spend 1 hr.
If the coffee meeting went well, ask her for a date and make a plan with a day/time/plan, whatever. Something about 3 to 4 hrs long at most, don't make it a 12 hr date. Casual and low pressure. Don't get together more than twice a week for the first month, enjoy the process.
I'm a divorced guy in my 40s looking to date women in the same age bracket. I have been on and off the various dating sites and I have started to notice a trend that women in this age bracket just don't know how to carry a conversation online. This happens both when I start the conversation and in cases where they have started the conversation. I'll give you an example:
Woman: Hey...any fun plans this weekend?
Me: Yeah, going out for drinks for my friend's birthday tonight. How about you? I noticed in your profile you mentioned you are a teacher. That must be a very rewarding job.
Woman: Staying in
And that's the end of the conversation. She did not even acknowledge my comment about the job which I tried to use to enhance the conversation. She simply answered my question about the weekend, and did not ask me any follow up questions. Lots of 1 or 2 word answers with nothing left to keep the conversation going.
I had this same scenario play out with 3 different women just this weekend. Have women in this age range just been out of the game for so long that they forgot how to have a conversation? Or maybe just not used to online dating in general?
I think you are over thinking this.
There are some women who are definitely into you. Some who are definitely not into you. There is also vast majority who don't know. The early part of dating is a numbers game. People can flake for any reason or no reason at all. For whatever reason these women decided they didn't want to pursue this.
I don't know if you read Thinking in Bets, but you might benefit from it. The problem with learning poker is sometimes you can play the right hand in a situation and still loose and other times you can play the wrong hand in the situation and still win, so its initially touch to figure out the right hand to play in a given situation. I think dating is difficult for a similar reason. You can play your hand correctly and the woman can still flake. You can also play the hand wrong and sometimes you will still get the girl.
But I think the wrong lesson to draw from your dating experience is that all women over 40 don't know how to have a conversation. Some women do, but you may need to send out more messages so the law of large numbers starts working in your favor.
Ok, that is what I was thinking. I didn't mention age to be insulting, but I think people of different ages do have different preferences for communicating. People in their 20s do everything via text these days so I would guess they would have harder time carrying a conversation on the phone.
I totally agree with this. My high school kids have phones. All they do is text. Honestly they don't even appear to know how to use the phone to call each other and have an actual conversation.It's kind of funny...lol
So, you think younger women have better conversations? lmao
You mean something more like this.....
"TBH every guy on here has, like, zero chill.
I'm looking for a bae who is on fleek and not some basic guy who obvi doesn't 'get it'! Most of the time, I'm just like, Bye Felicia! with most of these guys!"
Yea I can totally see how that communication style is sooo much more attractive!!
I'm sure she would be quite surprised to learn that she now represents all women over 40.
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if she wanted to meet, she shouldve just asked him out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
Yeah. Now she feels stupid. He thinks she can’t have a conversation, but she sent him a message and kicked the door wide open: “Here I am, want to do something? I do, or I wouldn’t have messaged you to tell you I have no plans AND ask what you were doing.”
ETA: Yes, I’m projecting, but not about feeling stupid, because the guy “gets it” every time. I wonder if this is one of the many reasons men say online dating doesn’t work for them? they aren’t paying attention. It has nothing to do with a woman’s age, except for as women get older and “over 40” they may be a little more brave. They will message you and ask you what you’re doing. Instead of waiting.
my sense (unless i am projecting) is that the o.p. isnt gaga over this stranger; else, he would desperately continue to put the effort in driving her one-word conversations into asking her on a date and maybe she would said yes so he didnt really lose anything on this dull woman.
since she was fishing for a date, she lost the opportunity by not asking because he maybe wouldve said yes.
Last edited by stanley-88888888; 10-21-2019 at 06:23 AM..
if she wanted to meet, she shouldve just asked him out.
my sense (unless i am projecting) is that the o.p. isnt gaga over this stranger; else, he would desperately continue to put the effort in driving her one-word conversations into asking her on a date and maybe she would said yes so he didnt really lose anything on this dull woman.
since she was fishing for a date, she lost the opportunity by not asking because he maybe wouldve said yes.
Can’t have it both ways, either “women get 100s of messages that’s why they never respond” or “this woman is desperate and fishing.”
Point being, if a guy can’t find anyone online to go out with this may be a good example. I can almost guarantee the next guy she picked to respond to as a match, return a message to, or ask if they had any plans, responded with: “Thanks for asking! I do have something going on, want to come with?” (Has happened) or “I’m doing something Friday, nothing planned for Saturday, do you want to get together for a drink?” (Has happened.)
Here’s your Sure Thing guys, (as far as a positive response to getting together) if a woman you’ve connected with from an online dating app sends you a message? She’s picked you out of the mass. I happen to get responses where the guy is relieved that I made the first move. Yes, messaging you is making the first move.
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True
they aren’t paying attention. It has nothing to do with a woman’s age, except for as women get older and “over 40” they may be a little more brave. They will message you and ask you what you’re doing. Instead of waiting.
