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I’m over 40. I don’t really like to talk on the phone these days. I’d rather meet and talk it out.
I don’t mind texting with a purpose. My texting is essentially the same as my talking, so you are getting a pretty clear picture either way. What I hate is small talk over text. Get to that meat of something. Ask questions, share jokes or memes or something. But do not hi/good morning/how’s your day/wyd me to death. Especially if you don’t actually respond to what is in the actual response.
Here is a perfect example. This is one of those on to the next situations.
When I was dating, it wasn't like it is now. I was going through Yahoo personals. Here's what I found...yes, when women put anything 'out there' guys respond as if I was a fisherman putting chum out in the water, and all the fish in the ocean come to chomp.
I'm looking for someone I can connect with. I've come across plenty of monosyllabic men. I weeded through that. Things that DIDN'T work for me? Don't say things like "Hi Darlin". Nope. I'm not your darlin, and for all you know, I'm a warty witch with Einstein hair. I, like OP, want a little conversation, and want to see if there's anything we have mutually in common.
Not that OP alluded to this, but I think guys need to be careful about coming off as possessive, when they've never even met the girl yet. At least...it didn't work for me.
I just turned 40, and was dating at 36. As regulars here know, I've got a tendency both to write lots of words given half a chance, AND to overshare sometimes. I encountered a number of men when I was dating online, who would seem to poke with a very brief and meaningless query or message and at first, I'd respond with content...only to get the super brief no-substance response. After a little while, it feels like he's just pushing a button to get me to write for his entertainment. If I start to respond in kind with monosyllabic and bland responses, the conversation quickly fizzles and dies.
Hell, that FB I had back in 2015, maybe like twice a year or something, he will send me a message like "How are things going?" and this last time, instead of responding with actual information, I replied, "Pretty good. What are you up to?" And he responded, "Not bad. Just wanted to see how things are going with you." I mean what...just...why? I wonder if he's reaching out in the hopes I'll say, "Oh just terrible, my boyfriend and I broke up and I haven't been laid in months, wanna bang?" Like is that the purpose of this, or what??? He seems to want some kind of short story out of me. But rarely tells me anything about what is going on in his life, and damn dude, I'm interested, I mean he's a musician and he gardens and does work in animal rescue and he's got an interesting life, it just feels very wacky to be prodded for content by someone who gives little or nothing back. It makes you wonder "What is the point of this?" AND it makes me feel guilty like I'm dominating or overwhelming the conversation and not listening enough...but some people seem to just not want to give much of anything.
So OP, long story short, there are guys...plenty of guys...who pretty much do the same thing, and frankly I find it annoying, as well. I'm willing to understand that people don't always have the same communication styles, to a point, but it can be frustrating when you feel like there is a disconnect, and you're trying and they aren't.
If you are getting a dog as a means of attracting women, I am honestly going to say you have a Big Problem. That is horrifying. Dogs are living, breathing animals. Pack animals. Love machine animals. They need a committed person. Not just someone who wants a ***** magnet.
OMG, judgmental much? Way to make assumptions. No, that is not the reason, but if it helps with women, bonus. I LOVE animals. I have a cat that I've had for 12 years. Before that, another cat who was terminally ill and I kept alive for another 3 years. Stop with the judgment. I grew up with dogs and love them, just haven't had one in many years because I didn't have a yard. Now I have a fenced in yard. I've been struggling with weather I want the responsibility (cats are way easier) and concluded yes, I do want the responsibility.
I just turned 40, and was dating at 36. As regulars here know, I've got a tendency both to write lots of words given half a chance, AND to overshare sometimes. I encountered a number of men when I was dating online, who would seem to poke with a very brief and meaningless query or message and at first, I'd respond with content...only to get the super brief no-substance response. After a little while, it feels like he's just pushing a button to get me to write for his entertainment. If I start to respond in kind with monosyllabic and bland responses, the conversation quickly fizzles and dies.
Hell, that FB I had back in 2015, maybe like twice a year or something, he will send me a message like "How are things going?" and this last time, instead of responding with actual information, I replied, "Pretty good. What are you up to?" And he responded, "Not bad. Just wanted to see how things are going with you." I mean what...just...why? I wonder if he's reaching out in the hopes I'll say, "Oh just terrible, my boyfriend and I broke up and I haven't been laid in months, wanna bang?" Like is that the purpose of this, or what??? He seems to want some kind of short story out of me. But rarely tells me anything about what is going on in his life, and damn dude, I'm interested, I mean he's a musician and he gardens and does work in animal rescue and he's got an interesting life, it just feels very wacky to be prodded for content by someone who gives little or nothing back. It makes you wonder "What is the point of this?" AND it makes me feel guilty like I'm dominating or overwhelming the conversation and not listening enough...but some people seem to just not want to give much of anything.
So OP, long story short, there are guys...plenty of guys...who pretty much do the same thing, and frankly I find it annoying, as well. I'm willing to understand that people don't always have the same communication styles, to a point, but it can be frustrating when you feel like there is a disconnect, and you're trying and they aren't.
Your posts are always insightful and entertaining. Agree, its just stupid to initiate conversation like that and then go nowhere with it. At least give an explanation as to the real reason you're reaching out. Nobody communicates effectively anymore. Its an epidemic.
I'm a divorced guy in my 40s looking to date women in the same age bracket. I have been on and off the various dating sites and I have started to notice a trend that women in this age bracket just don't know how to carry a conversation online. This happens both when I start the conversation and in cases where they have started the conversation. I'll give you an example:
Woman: Hey...any fun plans this weekend?
Me: Yeah, going out for drinks for my friend's birthday tonight. How about you? I noticed in your profile you mentioned you are a teacher. That must be a very rewarding job.
Woman: Staying in
And that's the end of the conversation. She did not even acknowledge my comment about the job which I tried to use to enhance the conversation. She simply answered my question about the weekend, and did not ask me any follow up questions. Lots of 1 or 2 word answers with nothing left to keep the conversation going.
I had this same scenario play out with 3 different women just this weekend. Have women in this age range just been out of the game for so long that they forgot how to have a conversation? Or maybe just not used to online dating in general?
I get a bit perplexed at the female users who initially contact me and are seemingly interested in chatting yet who, after sending their initial message, start acting disinterested and/or aloof.
Presumably they read my profile and view my pictures before contacting me, so it’s not as if they are blindly contacting me and then realizing afterwards that they don’t like my looks or my interests or my hobbies, etc; they sent the initial “like” or message so they had to at least browse my profile — I didn’t contact them seeking to communicate. So, it seems to follow that the person who initiates contact should be a bit more willing to interact and communicate — but in my experience, that has not been the case.
And these women range from 30s to 50s (I’m 45 and like both younger and older).
I get a bit perplexed at the female users who initially contact me and are seemingly interested in chatting yet who, after sending their initial message, start acting disinterested and/or aloof.
Presumably they read my profile and view my pictures before contacting me, so it’s not as if they are blindly contacting me and then realizing afterwards that they don’t like my looks or my interests or my hobbies, etc; they sent the initial “like” or message so they had to at least browse my profile — I didn’t contact them seeking to communicate. So, it seems to follow that the person who initiates contact should be a bit more willing to interact and communicate — but in my experience, that has not been the case.
And these women range from 30s to 50s (I’m 45 and like both younger and older).
Very similar to my experience. I "super liked" a woman on Tinder last week and sent her a couple short messages (nothing off putting or insulting) and she then unmatched with me. Really? Didn't you see my profile? This is a regular occurrence on Bumble too. They think saying "hi" is enough, followed by one word answers to my questions and then not asking me anything. Its just so stupid.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34
I get a bit perplexed at the female users who initially contact me and are seemingly interested in chatting yet who, after sending their initial message, start acting disinterested and/or aloof. Presumably they read my profile and view my pictures before contacting me, so it’s not as if they are blindly contacting me and then realizing afterwards that they don’t like my looks or my interests or my hobbies, etc; they sent the initial “like” or message so they had to at least browse my profile — I didn’t contact them seeking to communicate. So, it seems to follow that the person who initiates contact should be a bit more willing to interact and communicate — but in my experience, that has not been the case.
And these women range from 30s to 50s (I’m 45 and like both younger and older).
You're presuming/assuming things. Operating from a standpoint that "I do this means others likely do this" is going to lead to frustration. There are a large number of reasons why after I send a message I decide I'm not interested in another person on an app and none of them have anything to do with not being able to converse via the written word.
I just turned 40, and was dating at 36. As regulars here know, I've got a tendency both to write lots of words given half a chance, AND to overshare sometimes. I encountered a number of men when I was dating online, who would seem to poke with a very brief and meaningless query or message and at first, I'd respond with content...only to get the super brief no-substance response. After a little while, it feels like he's just pushing a button to get me to write for his entertainment. If I start to respond in kind with monosyllabic and bland responses, the conversation quickly fizzles and dies.
Hell, that FB I had back in 2015, maybe like twice a year or something, he will send me a message like "How are things going?" and this last time, instead of responding with actual information, I replied, "Pretty good. What are you up to?" And he responded, "Not bad. Just wanted to see how things are going with you." I mean what...just...why? I wonder if he's reaching out in the hopes I'll say, "Oh just terrible, my boyfriend and I broke up and I haven't been laid in months, wanna bang?"
LOL. Stop wondering. Yes, this is it.
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