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Thing is...I speculated way too much on various plausible motivations of his back then and since, and at some point I decided that putting words in his mouth and thoughts in his head, was not fair. So I try not to assume that he has ulterior motives. Especially since it doesn't matter what his motives are, it changes nothing.
Fact: If he hadn't gotten so flaky, if he'd actually said "I would be down to, on a very rare occasion, get together for sex, but that's about it"...then I might have negotiated a poly-ish sort of loophole clause of some kind into my relationship back when I first broke up with my "quad" and became a 1-on-1 with my boyfriend. He would have made a fine side thing, I won't lie, because he was fun.
Fact: He didn't, and I had no reason to believe that I'd ever get anything more from him, and his inability to communicate and respect my time had gotten annoying. So I considered our interaction over for good, and I moved on. Like ya do. He blew it, if he wanted that door left open. But I guess he wasn't used to dealing with people who are willing/able to have non-traditional relationship structures. *shrug* Oh, well! It's not an option anymore. Boyfriend and I are too solidly entrenched in our closed/monogamish structure.
But the thing is, unlike some stereotypical "player" types... This guy is an attentive lover, a great listener, and seems to genuinely enjoy, like, and respect women. He has stayed friends on some level or other, with lots and lots of women, most of whom I think go on to get married and can not offer sex even if they ever did in the past. It's just that (according to him) he's an introvert who fiercely defends his space and doesn't want anyone else trying to move in on it. This, at least, is the closest to a reason I can get from him, on why he's remained "single," if not exactly solitary, well into his 50's. *shrug*
It seemed important eventually to let go speculation, and any impulse to try and "solve the mysteries" where he was concerned, any need to know what motivated him. And I really do not dig the mindset that all men or all women are so alike we can just safely assume this or that.
I think you are hurting your head giving him too much credit. Likelihood the mood to **** came over him. In that instant, he looked through his mental rolodex and thought, who would be dtf right now? Long shot maybe. But at least it is a shot...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
I had a woman ask me to give her my number and she'd call me this past weekend. She never did. Then I asked what was up.
She responded with, "You're an hour way, aren't you? That would not be practical" and knowing that she was new to the area and likely geographically challenged, I knew I was a half hour away. Hopefully she wasn't feeding me a line of BS.
Again, whether she was or was not irrelevant. Completely irrelevant.
Yeah. Now she feels stupid. He thinks she can’t have a conversation, but she sent him a message and kicked the door wide open: “Here I am, want to do something? I do, or I wouldn’t have messaged you to tell you I have no plans AND ask what you were doing.”
ETA: Yes, I’m projecting, but not about feeling stupid, because the guy “gets it” every time. I wonder if this is one of the many reasons men say online dating doesn’t work for them? they aren’t paying attention. It has nothing to do with a woman’s age, except for as women get older and “over 40” they may be a little more brave. They will message you and ask you what you’re doing. Instead of waiting.
This is actually a pretty good guess, OP. Makes a lot of sense. You missed your cue.
I think you are hurting your head giving him too much credit. Likelihood the mood to **** came over him. In that instant, he looked through his mental rolodex and thought, who would be dtf right now? Long shot maybe. But at least it is a shot...
I guess it amuses me a bit, that my annoyance with this idea is that I'd totally love it if that had been possible. I wasn't ready to stop doing that, when we stopped doing that. I'm grumpy with him because he'd wait until it became a complete impossibility, to try and ping me and find out. Like "where were you when this was still viable, ya silly foolish man?" I am not offended that he would feel an urge and look me up. I think we clicked rather well in that department. And I did not need an escalating relationship thing with him, to continue to be willing...I just needed our ability to communicate and schedule to work better than it did.
When we stopped seeing one another, I would still for a time, let him know my availability, get no response, and then have him randomly try to hit me up at a point where I'd already filled my schedule, because I've got a life and it doesn't revolve around a casual partner's whim. I won't be sitting at home alone by my phone waiting for him to have an itch to scratch. That just isn't how these things work.
(Thinking something about polyamorists and their Google calendars...lol...)
Oh well. C'est la vie! A minor annoyance in the grand scheme of things.
You're presuming/assuming things. Operating from a standpoint that "I do this means others likely do this" is going to lead to frustration. There are a large number of reasons why after I send a message I decide I'm not interested in another person on an app and none of them have anything to do with not being able to converse via the written word.
In person, if you walk up and say "hello" or "hi there," to someone, then it would naturally follow that you, the initiator, would then continue with something else -- such as the reason for initiating contact in the first place. One wouldn't approach some random person, say "hi there," and then just sit back and expect the other person to start or lead a conversation that he/she didn't initiate in the first place!
It doesn't need to be unless you choose it to be. When the person leaves, they are gone. How you respond is up to you. You can choose to let it **** you off, or not. What you choose says a lot more about you than it does about the other person.
It doesn't need to be unless you choose it to be. When the person leaves, they are gone. How you respond is up to you. You can choose to let it **** you off, or not. What you choose says a lot more about you than it does about the other person.
It's a comment, a statement. Nothing else. I initially said I was "a bit perplexed" at the issue -- and I said it in response to the OP's thread on a related topic. No big deal. But it's a topic. And we are all here to discuss various topics. Of course we don't all value topics or responses to various topics the same way, which is fine.
ETA: A like button is painless, easy, no investment. It does not MEAN anything.
I guess, my point is, what is the purpose of sweating this stuff? Does it help? She moved on. You do too.
This confusion is also the result of people "Playing the Numbers Game", which is why it's such a pointless game. They just swipe or like or super like everyone until they get someone to respond, then they actually look at the profile or exchange a message, if anyone falls for it and thinks there's interest. There are so many posters here who admit to liking everyone and playing that game, that we now have some examples of why not to do that. Maybe the OP even 'liked' her profile, so she messaged him and asked if he had any plans for the weekend. If that's her style, I'm sure she's not sitting around wondering why people can't communicate, someone asked her to meet by now.
(I know evil wimmenz feels like a better go-to answer for some, but there are other explanations.)
(I know evil wimmenz feels like a better go-to answer for some, but there are other explanations.)
We're not evil? ****. Don't tell anyone!!
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they aren’t paying attention. It has nothing to do with a woman’s age, except for as women get older and “over 40” they may be a little more brave. They will message you and ask you what you’re doing. Instead of waiting.
Maybe the OP even 'liked' her profile, so she messaged him and asked if he had any plans for the weekend. If that's her style, I'm sure she's not sitting around wondering why people can't communicate, someone asked her to meet by now.
