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I'm a divorced guy in my 40s looking to date women in the same age bracket. I have been on and off the various dating sites and I have started to notice a trend that women in this age bracket just don't know how to carry a conversation online. This happens both when I start the conversation and in cases where they have started the conversation. I'll give you an example:
Woman: Hey...any fun plans this weekend?
Me: Yeah, going out for drinks for my friend's birthday tonight. How about you? I noticed in your profile you mentioned you are a teacher. That must be a very rewarding job.
Woman: Staying in
And that's the end of the conversation. She did not even acknowledge my comment about the job which I tried to use to enhance the conversation. She simply answered my question about the weekend, and did not ask me any follow up questions. Lots of 1 or 2 word answers with nothing left to keep the conversation going.
I had this same scenario play out with 3 different women just this weekend. Have women in this age range just been out of the game for so long that they forgot how to have a conversation? Or maybe just not used to online dating in general?
This happens all the time. Women make no effort and expect the man to carry the conversation. And you're right, 40 something women act like 20's-30's women. Same exact thing. Its like dating is a hobby they're only mildly interested in. Coming up with a thoughtful email and trying to engage them makes no difference.
Fyi...never give an example of dialog as message board dwellers WILL find a reason to pick it apart.
He's basically saying how monosyllabic these responses can be in responses and gives an example on how it can be like pulling teeth to get an answer out of them
I'm a divorced guy in my 40s looking to date women in the same age bracket. I have been on and off the various dating sites and I have started to notice a trend that women in this age bracket just don't know how to carry a conversation online. This happens both when I start the conversation and in cases where they have started the conversation. I'll give you an example:
Woman: Hey...any fun plans this weekend?
Me: Yeah, going out for drinks for my friend's birthday tonight. How about you? I noticed in your profile you mentioned you are a teacher. That must be a very rewarding job.
Woman: Staying in
This right here reminds me immediately of my little brother and his crew and turns my interest off like a light switch. Like one of those big giant electricity switches you have to use both arms to pull down to cut power.
What else are you saying in your conversations to sound too "party young"?
As an aside, I actually like your comment about being a teacher, etc. It was a nice conversation lead-in.
I am well over 40. At my age, I don't want communication I don't want. And that is ok with me. I don't want to play games. If something is not working for me, I don't engage. I was talking to a date last night. He could not figure out what I saw in him. That was easy. He is a genuine human being. No facade. No games. He just is who he is. He would never try to tell me that I communicated wrong or badly. It either works the way it is or it doesn't.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
I am well over 40. At my age, I don't want communication I don't want. And that is ok with me. I don't want to play games. If something is not working for me, I don't engage. I was talking to a date last night. He could not figure out what I saw in him. That was easy. He is a genuine human being. No facade. No games. He just is who he is. He would never try to tell me that I communicated wrong or badly. It either works the way it is or it doesn't.
Yup. Pretty simple. I mean, where is the confusion? If someone isn't interested in conversing with me, I don't try to pull teeth. The ones I'm interested in and are interested back have no issue carrying on conversations via text, or in person.
Again, people are worrying to much about the "why" (ala the "sick card" thread). Why doesn't matter. If someone is incapable of carrying a conversation (as in the title of this thread) or is just uninterested in carrying a conversation with me, same result, one just moves on and expends no mental energy in it anymore. Pretty simple to do. You might chat with a dozen or more people through OLD without ever making a meeting. No biggie.
I think he's saying that this was his first ever interaction with this woman. You don't usually ask to meet someone in the first conversation, when you're trying to decide if you even want to meet them.
Actually he should. If the man really likes the profile and pic he should ask for a meet. And keep asking until she accepts. But not like this: "hey want to meet at the coffeeshop and get to know each other?"
He should ask something like this: "everything about your profile is what I'm looking for (he really thinks so), I don't want to waste time not knowing more about you right away, can we meet at the coffeeshop tomorrow?"
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
He should ask something like this: "everything about your profile is what I'm looking for (he really thinks so), I don't want to waste time not knowing more about you right away, can we meet at the coffeeshop tomorrow?"
That would go over well with almost no one I've ever met.
Saying, you appear to be "everything I am looking for", that something needs to be done "right away" and indicating taking some time is a "waste of time", yeah, nope nope nope.
Nothing wrong with quickly meeting. Done it plenty of time; sometimes even same day, but let that happen organically and never push. Pushing to meet is a major flag.
Actually he should. If the man really likes the profile and pic he should ask for a meet. And keep asking until she accepts. But not like this: "hey want to meet at the coffeeshop and get to know each other?"
He should ask something like this: "everything about your profile is what I'm looking for (he really thinks so), I don't want to waste time not knowing more about you right away, can we meet at the coffeeshop tomorrow?"
Nah. Comes across as love-bombing. "EVERYTHING I'm looking for?" "Meet RIGHT AWAY?" I'd be thinking, "Are you about to be deployed or something?"
Two people should be able to get through a few text conversations to arrange a phone call and then meeting. If this was his first interaction with her, it was a bit of a dud.
Or else they might have hit it off with a bit of effort but she just happened to be that fourth monosyllabic one who set him off on his rant.
This happens all the time. Women make no effort and expect the man to carry the conversation. And you're right, 40 something women act like 20's-30's women. Same exact thing. Its like dating is a hobby they're only mildly interested in. Coming up with a thoughtful email and trying to engage them makes no difference.
Here's the thing. In my life, conversation does not TAKE effort. If it did, I would not be interested in it. I have reached out to many men. I have never spent one second "coming up with a thoughtful email and trying to engage"... I say what strikes me about them. If it is a miss, it is a miss. (Cute dogs come up a lot. Of course they do. If you put your dog in your profile pics, I am going to comment on them!)
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