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Ok well i guess i disagree that all families need to be the same. There are things I need to stop doing I’ll give you that but many adults sleep with their kids. If it works for them fine, I’m at the point where I want things to change.
So change. You say that you stay up and drink after your kids go to bed. So why don't you and DH just go into your own bed when you are ready to go to sleep?
Also, if you are laying down with your children in an effort to get them to fall asleep, that will be a very hard habit to break.
I’ve thought about taking an online parenting course. I should just do it. I do have a hard time saying no to my kids. There are things we do say no too of course. But the sleeping thing has been so hard especially when they want to sleep with us. I can’t stand to hear them cry when I can easily fix it. Of course I don’t want them thinking they can get whatever they want from us in life but I don’t think they think that. They were very well behaved at school when they were there.
I don't know if this will help or not...
But when my oldest was little, he went through a phase where he wanted to sleep with us. (His bedroom window was at the front of the house, and he became afraid of the shadows and patterns car headlights would make on the walls.) We let him for a little while, because we all know it's just easier. At first. But I quickly got tired of being squeezed in the middle, with my husband on one side, and my son on the other. So I had a little talk with him, explaining that it was hard for ME to sleep, when I was squeezed in the middle, BUT I understood that the car lights scared him, so WHEN he became afraid, to come get me, and we would go to the living room couch, and I would rub his back until he fell back asleep. I also bought new shades for his windows.
We DID go for a month...maybe 2, where he would come and get me, and we'd move to the couch, and I'd rub his back or tell him a story, until he fell back asleep, and I would go to bed. Remembering back, a long time ago, it seems like it wasn't a problem for very long.
Also...maybe this will help. My kids favorite story, when they were little, was Little Red Riding Hood, told to them orally. I would always focus on the food Little Red Riding Hood had in her basket, for her grandma. (That basket held a TON of food. LOL) but I would just go on and on and on about what was in that basket, and sometimes I'd ask the boys what they thought she might have in that basket, but the long droning on of food in the basket somehow always put my kids to sleep...and it was their favorite story. lol
Maybe it's time for the kids to sleep in their own beds. Tell them it's the new rule, but you will help them transition, and make it a happy thing, (like telling them a long droning story. lol) that makes it a pleasant experience.
The point I and others are making is that you and your husband are not modeling adult behavior.
In this culture, standard adult behavior as modeled for children would look like:
Weaning before 2 years of age.
Married adults don't sleep with their children unless infants. Generally the married adults sleep together though sometimes issues like snoring prevent this.
The adults get up in the morning, shower, shave, eat breakfast, get ready for the day, put on street clothes even if working from home (no lounging around in pajamas all day). The adults are clearly seen doing work most of the day (obviously, this does NOT apply to night shift work!)
There are clearly defined bed times for children based on age and for adults.
Children need consistency, limits, and healthy adult role models.
Your husband griping at you about your weight is just the tip of an iceberg. Worry about the part of the iceberg under the water, not the top 15%.
I disagree with almost everything you wrote. They are not in the military, and they don't need to live their lives as you've suggested.
Realistically, they are NOT a dysfunctional family by any stretch of the imagination.
But, unlike you and many others in this thread, I do think it's a problem that her husband complains about her weight.
I disagree with almost everything you wrote. They are not in the military, and they don't need to live their lives as you've suggested.
Realistically, they are NOT a dysfunctional family by any stretch of the imagination.
But, unlike you and many others in this thread, I do think it's a problem that her husband complains about her weight.
Well, if everything's going so swimmingly, why's she posting on here seeking advice?
Is it maybe just possible that the things most of us identify as far out of the mainstream for ordinary American families, are related?
Yes, non-standard arrangements can work for many people. But if you're doing highly non standard things (breastfeeding at age FOUR???) and you're unhappy with the results, maybe it's time to reconsider.
And yes I do need to stop the breastfeeding. I don’t know why my daughter still wants to do it. Anytime I’m alone with her she wants to sit on my lap and nurse. She thinks it’s funny. She’ll be like mommy, I want boobie! I never expected to be doing this as long as I have. My husband is disgusted that it’s still happening. .
Who cares WHY she wants to do it, you need to stop this. YOU are the adult.
I am on the husband's side. If you cannot control your children yet, how is this going to go when she is a teenager??? You'll be at the parenting forum, complaining why she is lazy, calls you names and acts like a princess. You are setting the ways RIGHT at this moment, stop it now and start to be a parent.
About the weight. Take your husband for a walk every evening, with or without kids/stroller. For at least an hour. If he wants you slimmer, ask for his support. Jog together. Work out together, buy bicycles. Something that keeps you from eating.
Does this really seem like that crazy of a situation?
I know I’m having some issues here but I’ve certainly heard of other in worse situations.
Breast-feeding a 4-year-old? On demand, just because SHE wants that? Listen to your daughter: she thinks it's funny. Doesn't that tell you something? Even she knows it's inappropriate. Who knows, maybe she gets off on bossing mommy around. Maybe she thinks mommy's a pushover, and is laughing about it. OP--wake-up call!
And sleeping all night with a 4-year-old, while husband sleeps with a 6-year-old all night, while he seethes underneath about it? Yes, it's definitely an abnormal situation. It's not healthy. Someone earlier suggested talking to the kids' pediatrician about it. That's probably a good place to start. He can give you a perspective on it, along with guidance about transitioning away from it.
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