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Are we all just assuming that pushing children away (in essence. Four is still a young child. Its not like the child is 12) before they indicate they are ready is the best thing to do?
Is there empirical research to support this?
Whether the 4-year-old is ready or not is debatable. The OP says, the child thinks it's funny to be able to demand to nurse, and be allowed to. That sounds to me like she's ready to quit, if it's a joke to her. She may be waiting for her mom to finally take charge.
Weaning children and teaching them to comfortably spend some time away from parents/caregivers is not "pushing children away." Do some reading on "attachment" as a psychological concept.
Children (and adults) with secure attachment can form relationships and generally feel a pang at being separated from a loved one, but are able to cope with it and move on, because they don't take that temporary absence as abandonment.
Anxious-preoccupied or anxious-ambivalent attachment is when someone can form relationships but needs constant reassurance that their loved ones are there for them. Basically, it's being a black hole of need.
Which do you suppose is healthier way to go through life? And yes, if you do a bit of looking, you'll find plenty of studies on the subject.
I think the majority of the world has kids sleeping in their own room and drinking from cups long before the age of 4, without doing them harm.
Yes, there's tons of info showing that most kids in the US are weaned by 2.5, with many only nursing for 6 months.
Either way, questioning an obvious truism like this is just going down yet another rabbit hole for the sake of argument, which won't help the OP.
She's looking to people she knows who practice extreme methods of child-rearing while in her own house, her husband is in conflict with her current habits.
They have lots to talk about and lots to work on. But they need to be in the same room to even start.
Are you just giving an opinion, or do you have empirical research to support this?
lol I think the fact that humans as a race are still here without breast feeding until the age of 4 is enough research for me. Do you really need graphs or charts or year long studies to say that the op is not in a normal situation? smh
You (and, to a lesser extent, your husband) are keeping your school-age child in infantile roles. This is not doing them a favor. Kids need to gradually learn independence. I'm sure it feels gratifying to be constantly needed, but you're not allowing space to learn to manage their own bodies and emotions, and that's really screwed up. You're not always going to be around to serve as a human pacifier - you need to teach them to self-soothe. Helping them handle minor separations and stresses like bedtime prepares them to handle larger issues that will arise as they go through life. If they need full newborn baby treatment just to get through a normal, routine night, then how on earth will they cope if something actually traumatic happens?
If they really dislike sleeping alone in their own rooms it would make more sense to have the two children share a room (they'll want to split soon enough as they start getting ideas about privacy) than for each parent to share a room with a child.
Am I misremembering, or did this OP also start a thread a few weeks ago about how her kids won't play independently or with each other, and are clinging to her her all day while she's trying to work?
Am I misremembering, or did this OP also start a thread a few weeks ago about how her kids won't play independently or with each other, and are clinging to her her all day while she's trying to work?
I can't believe people believe that anything about this situation is normal or healthy by Western standards. FOUR?? Sleeping separately because they're unwilling to help their children grow up. Unable to establish boundaries or teach the children how to entertain themselves.
After reading this and the OP's other threads, all I can say is ... please go see a family therapist. I know this sounds harsh, but your weight is the least of your problems.
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