I don't think I will ever marry again. (separate, kids, divorce)
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Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sportsfangal
I can't even find a guy willing to date me, much less get married!! and I LOVE sports!! I'm not addicted to it or shackled to the tv about it (only during football season!-he he) and I still can't find a man!!
Seriously?? Just based on your pic, I'd date you, but then again I'm a dirty old man.
As to the original statement, it's kind of like expecting a salmon to swim upstream all over again, right? Done here, too. If I ever get out on my own again, no way could I imagine co-habiting! Occasional quasi-romantic interludes would be plenty for me.
I would love some companionship but I don't think I will ever marry again. Ideally I would love to find someone special, have him buy a house in my neighborhood rather then us living together. We could spend most of our time together but then we could still have time apart. We would have our own space but be close enough that it be convenient to get together.
I just don't think I can attach that ball and chain to my ankle again.
Well I am only twenty years of age so I'll understand if you take everything I have to say with a very small grain of salt (or is it a very large grain?). I think it is unfortunate that you consider marriage and living together as a ball and chain. I have never been married, but hope to be in the future. The idea of marriage would seem to be finding someone who complements you and your faults. Someone to be the rock when you break down. Someone to be there lying next to you when nightmares wake you. Someone to put humor and happiness into your life when life would otherwise be full of sadness. I suppose you could accomplish some of this with having a nearby companion, but I don't think you'd get the full spectrum that marriage SHOULD offer.
At the same time, I probably shouldn't generalize marriage as being the same thing to multiple people. Perhaps you have a more substantial reason for not wanting to live with another than merely being an "independent woman." I know plenty of independent women in relationships with independent men. Independence in relationships doesn't mean you should also have your own sovereign nation that bars others from intruding. Marriage is a unionization of two individuals to act as one. If your past marriages have been little more than having a roommate, then you have not found your rock. You have not found the right person to complete you. So no matter how cliche all of this sounds, I firmly believe that it is all true. Although love should transcend all barriers, there should be no unnecessary obstacles placed in the way.
Young romance is a beautiful thing. Please get back to us in 30 years and tell us how it worked out for you!
But after awhile, those top 40 love songs can turn into something like this poem of Philip Larkin's ...
Talking In Bed
Talking in bed ought to be easiest,
Lying together there goes back so far,
An emblem of two people being honest.
Yet more and more time passes silently.
Outside, the wind's incomplete unrest
Builds and disperses clouds in the sky,
And dark towns heap up on the horizon.
None of this cares for us. Nothing shows why
At this unique distance from isolation
It becomes still more difficult to find
Words at once true and kind,
Or not untrue and not unkind.
Last edited by keith talent; 02-09-2009 at 08:45 PM..
Young romance is a beautiful thing. Please get back to us in 30 years and tell us how it worked out for you!
But after awhile, those top 40 love songs can turn into something like this poem of Philip Larkin's ...
[LEFT][SIZE=4]Talking In Bed
[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Talking in bed ought to be easiest,
Lying together there goes back so far,
An emblem of two people being honest.
Yet more and more time passes silently.
Outside, the wind's incomplete unrest
Builds and disperses clouds in the sky,
And dark towns heap up on the horizon.
None of this cares for us. Nothing shows why
At this unique distance from isolation
It becomes still more difficult to find
Words at once true and kind,
Or not untrue and not unkind.
[/SIZE][/LEFT]
It would be silly and immature of me to think my relationship will be something special. Although I certainly don't wish for it, I am quite sure that the day will come when my relationship travels down the same paths as so many others. But the fact that people crave companionship even in their elder years seems to give me hope that the love has merely evolved into something different. Instead of continual courtship and an endless reminder of how lucky you are to be with your significant other (lay out their qualities here >>> ...), there is an acceptance and even a taking for granted. What is, is. I think the explanation for such is like living with yourself--after all a marriage, as I said before, is supposed to be the merging of two beings. After a while, you are just used to living with yourself. Their are things you have come to expect out of yourself and you already know so much about the inner workings of your mind. However, I think that young romance you talk about is the "moment of shock" that we all have. For some, it lasts longer than others. "Oh man, I have such an amazingly beautiful, intelligent, funny and humorous significant other that I always want to spend time with." Maybe that lasts for six months or six years before things cool off and become day-to-day. It's as if we found out that we are actually Princes or Princesses of a particular kingdom but had no idea before. We have a period of time that we are in shock, disbelief and utter ecstasy (or for some, worry and fear).
For me and my current relationship, we have challenges that always keeps us both on our toes. It is a long distance relationship for one, so I think we are in positions to really appreciate one another. Every time we see each other is a blessing. We don't take things for granted. We don't take each others' smiles or laughs for granted because we aren't inundated with it on a daily basis (perhaps laughs over the phone, sure). Of course the challenges aren't always good as some moments and crises in our lives really demand intimacy. We need someone there by our side to hold us and support us. That in particular is difficult to deal with--a lack of immediate intimacy. But hopefully this will only serve to make the relationship stronger for the future.
Just found the post , I have to say I understand all the comments and feelings of wanting time to your self ,But need to say after 45 yrs. with my wife , should she die first the last thing i would want is to be in a home alone. Yes life has been giving and also taking but i would not have wanted it any differance. Some time silence is not golden.
When you've been with someone that long and still like each other, you wouldn't ever want to be without her.
Well, your life is your business obviously, but since you posted a thread about it I felt it was open to comments. I'm certainly not about to have a relationship with you... You just have to understand that other people have lives, children, and comfort zones as well and if you don't plan to give in an inch you'll definitely keep living your awesome life. If it's that awesome, I suppose having a relationship is a non-issue anyway.
I certainly understand that other people have lives as well but I am not so hell bent on having a relationship that I am going to bend over anymore.
I don't want a man in my life who would for example feel like he was compromising by being with someone who has 5 cats, or giving up something because he was with a woman who has a child. I would want him to love my daughter and love my cats. Otherwise its not going to work. The moment a person starts looking at things in their partners life and finds alot of strikes against them, some get this sort of entitled feeling. Like I gave up this for you so you can give this up for me. I don't want someone to TOLERATE cats or my daughter or my love of antiques. I want someone who will share it and feel happy we have that in common.
Well I am only twenty years of age so I'll understand if you take everything I have to say with a very small grain of salt (or is it a very large grain?). I think it is unfortunate that you consider marriage and living together as a ball and chain. I have never been married, but hope to be in the future. The idea of marriage would seem to be finding someone who complements you and your faults. Someone to be the rock when you break down. Someone to be there lying next to you when nightmares wake you. Someone to put humor and happiness into your life when life would otherwise be full of sadness. I suppose you could accomplish some of this with having a nearby companion, but I don't think you'd get the full spectrum that marriage SHOULD offer.
At the same time, I probably shouldn't generalize marriage as being the same thing to multiple people. Perhaps you have a more substantial reason for not wanting to live with another than merely being an "independent woman." I know plenty of independent women in relationships with independent men. Independence in relationships doesn't mean you should also have your own sovereign nation that bars others from intruding. Marriage is a unionization of two individuals to act as one. If your past marriages have been little more than having a roommate, then you have not found your rock. You have not found the right person to complete you. So no matter how cliche all of this sounds, I firmly believe that it is all true. Although love should transcend all barriers, there should be no unnecessary obstacles placed in the way.
The majority of women in their 20s, 30s want to be married. Many marry and find out it didn't work. So they learn to love their independence. I have known women who never married and feel they really missed out. Of course younger women want to marry. Most of us who wanted that, did marry, and when it didn't work out, found we were very happy single. You have to try it to know. Some marriages work; others don't. Sigh. We were ALL idealistic at your age. And that's the natural flow of life.
I am also reassured by those who stayed together for so many years and stuck it out and who are glad they did.
I certainly understand that other people have lives as well but I am not so hell bent on having a relationship that I am going to bend over anymore.
I don't want a man in my life who would for example feel like he was compromising by being with someone who has 5 cats, or giving up something because he was with a woman who has a child. I would want him to love my daughter and love my cats. Otherwise its not going to work. The moment a person starts looking at things in their partners life and finds alot of strikes against them, some get this sort of entitled feeling. Like I gave up this for you so you can give this up for me. I don't want someone to TOLERATE cats or my daughter or my love of antiques. I want someone who will share it and feel happy we have that in common.
Even so, why would he want to uproot himself (and perhaps his children; or moving away from his children) and sell his house (chances are for a loss for the time being) in order to buy a house near yours...?! I'd say this demand or a wishful thinking is quite unreasonable. You better start looking around the neighborhood real hard if you care to find anybody meeting these requirements!
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