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There is nothing wrong for a man in his 30s to be renting.
One of my best friends, "Ronald," rents - and sometimes I envy him. Not because he rents and I own, but because his apartment has a balcony which enables him to sit outside in warm weather to drink and to grill BBQs.
Ronald has nothing to be ashamed of if a woman were to "measure" him. He's got a solid job which pays him well. He just bought a new car. He's got over 250k in stock investments and just had a windfall of cash from selling an apartment he owned in a skiing resort.
Ronald thought of buying but decided to hold given the economy and the falling prices, and he's going to wait further.
He's intelligent, educated, successful, well-rounded, wholesome, confident, and life is going very well for him. He just has not spent money on an apartment or house, although he clearly has the means to own if he wished to. He has just chosen to wait for now. Any woman who were to write him off because he rents would be foolish.
As someone who has owned a home for 3 years, I understand it why some say homeowning indicates stability and a willingness to settle down. After all, once one has bought a home, one has to... well, stick around. Theoretically one can always sell and move, but in this economy and real estate market, it's not the best time to sell.
The "responsibility" aura that homeowning may give off probably stems from the assumption that the observer holds about the chores and musts homeowning entails: repairs, maintenance, property taxes, etc. And it's true. I'm currently spending a few hundred dollars on minor work. Painting, sheetrock, sanding, removal of old paint, fixing a window, etc. I may later have to sand down one of my living room walls and repaint the living room, and that will be a few more hundred dollars spent.
As much of a pinch in the wallet this is, it's necessary. I am the type of person who is proud of his possessions and does what he can to keep them in good condition. I am proud of my home - it's not luxurious, but it's mine; I spent much on it so far and want to have it in the best possible condition. Repairs, work, renovation are inevitable. Stuff breaks. Stuff gets old. One stumbles upon an excellent deal on a new coffee table or side table or dining room table. A new TV, a new entertainment system. New doors.
Now, having said all this, people who look at homeowners and gauge them as potential spouses will have varying standards. A man with a new or fully renovated 2-bedroom co-op in a middle-class neighborhood may not be "good enough" for a woman who wants a 4-bedroom house or a waterfront condo. And in the end, what others think is irrelevant. One should buy a home for him/herself, not to present oneself as a more "stable" spouse for others.
I fully expect to live in my parents house until I'm well in my 30s and maybe even 40s. I'm pretty pumped for it. A house? Screw that. Why would I do that when mama-dukes is perfectly happy doing my laundry and serving me PB&Js without the crust?
Whether or not tmac9wr is speaking in humor, I now believe that a scenario where a single adult in his/her 30s living at home is not always or automatically an embarrassing one.
Granted, in our highly individualistic, "do-it-yourself" American society, the first thought most have when learning a fully employed man in his 30s lives at home is that he's a lazy, slothful, pathetic loser. But is he?
What if a man went through a painful divorce which killed a large chunk of his finances and he moved back in temporarily to save money and to start over?
Or, what if he had an apartment, sold it, and has decided to use the proceeds in assorted investments and wants to save money for a larger home in the future, and living at home w/ his parents enables him to save faster?
Consider still the case of the fully independent career man who has a very sick or elderly parent and his family, whether due to culture or habit, doesn't want to depend on senior citizen homes, and that as a result the adult children must bear the responsibility of watching over needy parents. Remember, folks, that in many traditional cultures around the world (many of which are now represented in the United States via diaspora/immigrant communties), that this is the norm and not the exception.
And what if a young man in his early 30s has lost his job, or seen a big percentage of his stock portfolio of 401k wiped out, or a combination of these, and now has no choice but to endure a severe period of self-imposed austerity, and this means moving in with mom and dad to save at least $10,000 per annum on rent money?
There are many in today's America just like this. It's not just young to mid 20somethings living w/ their parents because they can't find work. Some older single adults are moving back in because times are very hard. When America's unemployment rate is nearly 10% and calculated at 22.5% by other measurements, there will inevitably be single adults in their 30s who are struggling and suffering and who swallow their pride and move back with mom and dad.
And, what about those who are gainfully employed, never suffered major financial or career setbacks, whose parents are healthy, and who can perfectly afford to pay rent? Well, some of them may indeed be lacking the courage to live alone. I personally believe every able young adult should live alone at one point for no other motive than experience - the self-sufficiency, confidence, and responsibility that one both must have and develops are valuable life skills which simply cannot be reproduced if one is living at home and mom does the laundry and no rent is paid. With exceptions of course (a cousin of mine has never lived outside of his parents' but he has his own business, makes a six-figure income, is uber-independent, knows how the world works, and is very responsible).
Whether or not tmac9wr is speaking in humor, I now believe that a scenario where a single adult in his/her 30s living at home is not always or automatically an embarrassing one.
Granted, in our highly individualistic, "do-it-yourself" American society, the first thought most have when learning a fully employed man in his 30s lives at home is that he's a lazy, slothful, pathetic loser. But is he?
What if a man went through a painful divorce which killed a large chunk of his finances and he moved back in temporarily to save money and to start over?
Or, what if he had an apartment, sold it, and has decided to use the proceeds in assorted investments and wants to save money for a larger home in the future, and living at home w/ his parents enables him to save faster?
Consider still the case of the fully independent career man who has a very sick or elderly parent and his family, whether due to culture or habit, doesn't want to depend on senior citizen homes, and that as a result the adult children must bear the responsibility of watching over needy parents. Remember, folks, that in many traditional cultures around the world (many of which are now represented in the United States via diaspora/immigrant communties), that this is the norm and not the exception.
And what if a young man in his early 30s has lost his job, or seen a big percentage of his stock portfolio of 401k wiped out, or a combination of these, and now has no choice but to endure a severe period of self-imposed austerity, and this means moving in with mom and dad to save at least $10,000 per annum on rent money?
There are many in today's America just like this. It's not just young to mid 20somethings living w/ their parents because they can't find work. Some older single adults are moving back in because times are very hard. When America's unemployment rate is nearly 10% and calculated at 22.5% by other measurements, there will inevitably be single adults in their 30s who are struggling and suffering and who swallow their pride and move back with mom and dad.
And, what about those who are gainfully employed, never suffered major financial or career setbacks, whose parents are healthy, and who can perfectly afford to pay rent? Well, some of them may indeed be lacking the courage to live alone. I personally believe every able young adult should live alone at one point for no other motive than experience - the self-sufficiency, confidence, and responsibility that one both must have and develops are valuable life skills which simply cannot be reproduced if one is living at home and mom does the laundry and no rent is paid. With exceptions of course (a cousin of mine has never lived outside of his parents' but he has his own business, makes a six-figure income, is uber-independent, knows how the world works, and is very responsible).
You have once again hit the nail on the head. So far I've heard men want this in a woman, women want that in a man. Well honestly, you can list out what you want, but this thing called life has a habit of interceding. Life is unpredictable and you never know what will happen and where and when.
Case in point, a co-worker's wife lost her job. Together they could afford a house. She was out of work for a while due to the bad economy. They're good with their money, but with a mortgage and kids, they were seriously considering selling and moving in with one of the parents homes. Did they want to? No. But you have to remember, the economy doesn't care about you. If its going to go in the toilet, its taking people with it.
Needless to say it came very close for them to move but she wound up finding something, thus saving themselves from having to sell in order to avoid losing the home.
What happens in a bad economy? Rents go up. Taxes go up. Cost of living goes up. All except salaries. Some salaries may go up, but the balance won't be there to offset the cost of living.
So a 30 year old that lost his job and has to move back in shouldn't really be considered yucky or whatever the term is these days.
Before you throw rocks, yes it is an intrusive question but she is trying to find out if you are a loser living in a basement .
I would never ask a guy that but you wanted to know why and that's why she is asking.
She wants to know if you are successful or if you are hiding oranges in your desk for when they fire you for being late again.
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