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This is an old story. Starting in the 1970s, once women started to take direct charge of the type of man they would allow into their life, most men have become persona non gratia to women who are on the prowl. Such men are not drug addicts, criminals or bullies - just guys who don't fit the superficial stereotype of what a women "should demand".
I'm regularly amazed at how approachable older women and those who are married are compared to the rest. In the past, I have mentioned this in posts. I regularly meet the same group of people at my bus stop. Over the years, I have struck up regular conservations with a number of married women. The obviously younger single ones just move down the sidewalk to avoid us. It is as if they are afraid that I'd hit on someone 30 years my junior. These same women will gush over any "eligible bachelor" type, to the point they almost get embarrassing. Even as they get older they do this but there are few older single women around here due to the high male/female ratio.
On rare occasion, I have overheard women condemning other women for their "selection" of men and it is usually based on "looks first, ask questions later".
I don't know how true this is, but I am no alpha male. I am of small stature as well. Even for me, at age 23, some women try to avoid me. I find it somewhat odd that it is the "weird" types like myself that some women avoid pursuing. According to someone I met there, many people at clubs adhere to stereotypical thing. In short, because I am an African-American male who isn't "ghetto", "alpha male", "no ebonics", and in general,not living up to a stereotype, some women(of all races) avoid me. It was really odd. It was the alpha male types that didn't make some of the women uncomfortable. It was quiet, direct me that scared two women and made another one go for my friends and not me. How does this tie into your situation at the bus stop? I see some of the same things happen in real life outside of clubs. Some of the women seem more afraid of the softer types of men than the rougher types.
I am going to be very blunt: I have my way of doing things. I have my own fashion. In some cases, I will sport something with Hello Kitty on it, such as my pink bicycle helmet. I also consider a trench coat a fashion statement. I don't give into "alpha male". I have noticed that while many women might find Hello Kitty "cute", and might outwardly applaud a straight male who has the guts to wear something with Hello Kitty on it. It doesn't always mean some women dig a guy who wears Hello Kitty. Interestingly, it seems to be the women over 30, mothers(in most cases), or lesbian women who seem to be the most open-minded. I went to a place one night because it was my friend's birthday. It was the women over thirty who were the nicest and most open-minded towards me.
I don't know how true this is, but I am no alpha male. I am of small stature as well. Even for me, at age 23, some women try to avoid me. I find it somewhat odd that it is the "weird" types like myself that some women avoid pursuing. According to someone I met there, many people at clubs adhere to stereotypical thing. In short, because I am an African-American male who isn't "ghetto", "alpha male", "no ebonics", and in general,not living up to a stereotype, some women(of all races) avoid me. It was really odd. It was the alpha male types that didn't make some of the women uncomfortable. It was quiet, direct me that scared two women and made another one go for my friends and not me. How does this tie into your situation at the bus stop? I see some of the same things happen in real life outside of clubs. Some of the women seem more afraid of the softer types of men than the rougher types.
I am going to be very blunt: I have my way of doing things. I have my own fashion. In some cases, I will sport something with Hello Kitty on it, such as my pink bicycle helmet. I also consider a trench coat a fashion statement. I don't give into "alpha male". I have noticed that while many women might find Hello Kitty "cute", and might outwardly applaud a straight male who has the guts to wear something with Hello Kitty on it. It doesn't always mean some women dig a guy who wears Hello Kitty. Interestingly, it seems to be the women over 30, mothers(in most cases), or lesbian women who seem to be the most open-minded. I went to a place one night because it was my friend's birthday. It was the women over thirty who were the nicest and most open-minded towards me.
Listen here, lose the alpha male shyt. Boring beyond friggin belief to hear guys talk about it.
Just approach a woman and be casual. That's all you need to do.
In short, because I am an African-American male who isn't "ghetto", "alpha male", "no ebonics", and in general,not living up to a stereotype, some women(of all races) avoid me. .
Your problem might be you living in the ATL metro area. I have visited there several times to see friends and family. It seems many black men down there have it like hell, with women of all races!!
Your problem might be you living in the ATL metro area. I have visited there several times to see friends and family. It seems many black men down there have it like hell, with women of all races!!
It might very well be. I a stuck here for now because of the economy and I am trying to finish school. Afterwards, I don't plan on staying.
It might very well be. I a stuck here for now because of the economy and I am trying to finish school. Afterwards, I don't plan on staying.
Nothing wrong with that. BTW, good luck to you in school, and stay focused. I knew to many bm, who went to college, and dropped due to being sidetracked by lousy women!!
Nothing wrong with that. BTW, good luck to you in school, and stay focused. I knew to many bm, who went to college, and dropped due to being sidetracked by lousy women!!
Thanks. I know a few people who got sidetracked as well. It was mainly women I knew who dropped out of school and then got married. I know three people who went to college for a year or two, dropped out, got married, and then had kids. I keep in mind that if a woman doesn't have my best interest in mind, I shouldn't bother with her.
Your problem might be you living in the ATL metro area. I have visited there several times to see friends and family. It seems many black men down there have it like hell, with women of all races!!
I concur with this. It's the same in the city of DC. where most non-blacks see all black men as monsters and savages, and where most blacks who are part of "the community" see non-ghetto blacks as weak beta males by default.
To pirate_lafitte, though you really need a confidence booster, I feel as if you also need to get out of an area where blacks are seen and/or expected to be thugs. That can damper any man's self-esteem particularly if they don't have some sort of subculture who cherishes their personality. There are places, like Seattle (where you're formerly from) that aren't as bad towards blacks, so there goes a clutch. If nothing else, you can finally start working on some things that will rid you of your fears and hence boost your confidence level.
Thanks. I know a few people who got sidetracked as well. It was mainly women I knew who dropped out of school and then got married. I know three people who went to college for a year or two, dropped out, got married, and then had kids. I keep in mind that if a woman doesn't have my best interest in mind, I shouldn't bother with her.
Brother you have the right mind set. If only I knew things like this when I was around 20, then I would have graduated college a year earlier then I did. I nearly messed myself up on a woman who did not give a damn about me. This female would later go on to cause hell for other men, that was not as nearly as bad as I experienced. It was then and there I realized not to spend so much time worrying about females. Things like bringing my GPA up, and finally graduating had become much more important. With your mindset, you may have to wait longer to get a woman, but it will be well worth it. Because you know what you want. I think when men do realize that life is not all about getting with women, he becomes more selective in who he approaches and dates!!
I concur with this. It's the same in the city of DC. where most non-blacks see all black men as monsters and savages, and where most blacks who are part of "the community" see non-ghetto blacks as weak beta males by default.
That's how thing were in New York, when I was growing up. People used to try that, "You're not black enough" crap with me plenty of times, even whites!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Fairfaxian
To pirate_lafitte, though you really need a confidence booster, I feel as if you also need to get out of an area where blacks are seen and/or expected to be thugs. That can damper any man's self-esteem particularly if they don't have some sort of subculture who cherishes their personality. There are places, like Seattle (where you're formerly from) that aren't as bad towards blacks, so there goes a clutch. If nothing else, you can finally start working on some things that will rid you of your fears and hence boost your confidence level.
One of the best things I ever did in my life was get out of inner city New York, probably saved my sanity. I currently live in Maine, and the people here pretty much keep to themselves and have no problem at all, despite me being one of the few blacks in town!!
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