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As a single late 30s professional woman, I disagree with this whole heartedly, but do agree that more women today have outgrown the 50s housewife gender role previously assigned to them.
I personally subscribe to evolved gender roles. I am a strong, professional, educated woman. The two most important traits for me in a man are respectability and security.
At the end of the day though, I do expect the man to be the head of the household, regardless of whose job pays the bills.
You basically set yourself up- but in both a good and bad way.
You are looking at things from your own inner space with a narrow subconscious lens. In short, you are seeing things from a women's pov that hasn't experienced dating from a man's point of view. You see, for an old fashioned male such as me, growing up in the US within a Caribbean house hold, and having been exposed to the American way of life, you are ideal- matter of fact more than ideal for the "evolved gender role" advocate. Women like you have a sense of self while understanding the essence of inherent gender role- play. Meaning, you are tough enough to hold the family together on your own during hard family times, but at the same time are able to identity when it is time to relinquish the “I am a strong, professional, educated woman” and let the man handle his biz and cook him a good steak (as you have pointed out in previous posts).
However, situation dictates. We are in DC where the texture and landscape does not allow for the cultivation of the above described. Sure, a few may possess these qualities but it isn’t the general make-up of the land. Therefore, you get a lot of what Chriz describes- women that have been chasing their careers and have finally decided to take dating seriously. Likewise, you get a lot of classist obama and fake jock-like types that have been adored their entire lives and have no idea how to keep a relationship. But unfortunately they are so independently conditioned that it will take a miracle (most likely prenuptial) to be able to at least live together as a family on the basis of the children or other current combined assets.
There is no secret, no defending, no nothing. Those that thrive with the texture here do well. Those that have natural talent will succeed. Those that don't thrive and or pair with the types that DC attracts will fail. However, nobody can defend the fact that DC is NOT, I repeat, NOT like any other city.
"We’re not alone. More than 70 percent of the D.C. population is unmarried. But strength doesn’t necessarily come in numbers; as you might have experienced, with more single people comes more people who just want to be single. Whatever your theory, you’ll likely agree with this: Dating in D.C. has its own identity. Its own code.
A lot of people (myself included) have hypothesized about the root of the trouble with Washington’s dating scene:
“D.C. brings some terrible people here, what with the K Street crowd and Hill folks.”
“Nobody wants anything serious, because they’re ready to up and leave for the next big opportunity.”
No seriously Im just kidding I agree that younger women today are more modern and liberal and less conservative and traditional.
They want careers and power instead of children and family. Young women today would have a hard time baking cookies, cooking a nice dinner, they are not into any of that.
Do YOU cook, bake cookies, etc.? Why is the female role?????? Maybe she would rather be tuning up the car, cutting the grass, whatever....
Why do you care so much about what other peoole do? Wouldnt you like someone for being a person, are you going to date their job?
Having a degree is wonderful but what if the guy of your dreams had a serious liking toward you and he turned out to be an electrician, would you care? Do you even know how much a skilled tradesman can make? My uncle lives in a 950,000 dollar home, has a fishing cabin, brand new truck, 2 Harley's, he's an electrician contractor.
I've been following this thread for awhile and I've come to a conclusion, the reason why ya'll cant date in DC is because of ya'll. Get over yourself and for the love of Macy's dont expect getting a nice girl being a Nancy Hipster. Girls want guys to be guys and this whole trendy haircut metrosexual thing I just dont get. I grew up men being men and women being women.
I've been following this thread for awhile and I've come to a conclusion, the reason why ya'll cant date in DC is because of ya'll. Get over yourself and for the love of Macy's dont expect getting a nice girl being a Nancy Hipster. Girls want guys to be guys and this whole trendy haircut metrosexual thing I just dont get. I grew up men being men and women being women.
This was funny, I could see you slamming the desk!
Quote:
Originally Posted by STEVEN 1
Having a degree is wonderful but what if the guy of your dreams had a serious liking toward you and he turned out to be an electrician, would you care? Do you even know how much a skilled tradesman can make? My uncle lives in a 950,000 dollar home, has a fishing cabin, brand new truck, 2 Harley's, he's an electrician contractor.
The only thing I would say to this is to be careful not to conflate the two different lifestyles. This is DC we are talking about. There aren't many blue collar contractors running to their fishing cabins and taking Harley rides down the strip. The ones I know live further south near triangle and Maryland.
As a single late 30s professional woman, I disagree with this whole heartedly, but do agree that more women today have outgrown the 50s housewife gender role previously assigned to them.
Please remember that there has always been a portion of women who were driven to be more than a homemaker. I think that percentage has merely increased in the last couple decades so that there are more professional women than there are homemakers. I also think the severe increase in cost of living drove some of them to become professionals as being a homemaker wouldn't get the bills paid (just saying).
I personally subscribe to evolved gender roles. I am a strong, professional, educated woman. The two most important traits for me in a man are respectability and security. He can be a bus driver for all I care so long as he treats it as a career and isn't changing jobs every 6 months. At the end of the day though, I do expect the man to be the head of the household, regardless of whose job pays the bills.
The notion of equality in a relationship just means that the woman's opinion has equal weight in decisions. I'm sure we all know relationships, perhaps in older generations, where the man makes decisions absent of the woman's input because "he's the man." Being treated like an inferior being is the part of inequality I take issue with. Respect my mind and opinions in the same way I respect yours.
I agree with you.
But increasingly.. a lot of women want to run the show and they don't respect men's opinions or desires.
I'm not into gender roles at all. Which is why I cringe whenever a woman says something along the lines of: "You're the man so you should [insert expectation]". And it happens more often than you think. And it happens most often with women who don't follow traditional female gender roles at all themselves lol.
I just don't like hypocrisy. It used to make me really mad when I was younger. Now I just kind of ignore it and do whatever I want anyway.
You basically set yourself up- but in both a good and bad way.
You are looking at things from your own inner space with a narrow subconscious lens. In short, you are seeing things from a women's pov that hasn't experienced dating from a man's point of view.
Therefore, you get a lot of what Chriz describes- women that have been chasing their careers and have finally decided to take dating seriously.
How am I doing?
you should be happy that I've not experienced dating from a man's POV... I mean, can you just imagine the questions that would raise!?!? LOL
OK - so let's look at what you're saying about the OTHER women, the careerists who are now looking to date. I think it is absurd to think that strong women have to fake being needy in order to meet a potential mate. What is it about society's inherent make up that dictates that women must be weak to seem appealing to men? Sure there are all sorts of nuances - some of those strong women can be demeaning to men, etc., and possibly even intimidating.
But honestly, what is the turn off of dating a strong woman for you men? What is it about us that makes us unappealing?
professional match makers say we are intimidating, we aren't vulnerable, etc. Do you really NEED to be the hero so badly that you will pass up a woman who would make an excellent partner? Maybe it's just me, but having a partner in life is much more appealing than having to carry the load for the weak.
Which is why I cringe whenever a woman says something along the lines of: "You're the man so you should [insert expectation]".
You realize this goes both ways, right? "you're the woman, go do the laundry, cook dinner, blah, blah, blah."
Saw a meme the other day that fits this.
Picutre it: 20ish man in kitchen at stove cooking.
At the top: "men cooking..."
at the bottom: (crossed out with a big fat NOPE written across it) "because the last generation o mothers didn't teach their daughters ****"
The text box added in the middle: "Men cooking because you're living f*cking beings who need to learn how to make your own d*mn food and not rest on thousands of years of oppression of women to justify why you can't take care of yourself."
You realize this goes both ways, right? "you're the woman, go do the laundry, cook dinner, blah, blah, blah."
Saw a meme the other day that fits this.
Picutre it: 20ish man in kitchen at stove cooking.
At the top: "men cooking..."
at the bottom: (crossed out with a big fat NOPE written across it) "because the last generation o mothers didn't teach their daughters ****"
The text box added in the middle: "Men cooking because you're living f*cking beings who need to learn how to make your own d*mn food and not rest on thousands of years of oppression of women to justify why you can't take care of yourself."
******
That meme kind of made my week.
Yes it has to go both ways. If we have to cook they should help change the tires on the car, take out the trash, put my name on her bank account, pay for the wedding, etc.
you should be happy that I've not experienced dating from a man's POV... I mean, can you just imagine the questions that would raise!?!? LOL
I think it is absurd to think that strong women have to fake being needy in order to meet a potential mate.
What is it about society's inherent make up that dictates that women must be weak to seem appealing to men?
But honestly, what is the turn off of dating a strong woman for you men? What is it about us that makes us unappealing?
I purposely threw in the man's line perspective so I could wrap it- I knew you were going to respond-
Nowhere did I infer anything about strong women having to fake being needy in order to meet a potential mate. Or that society's inherent make up dictates that women must be weak to seem appealing to men. It may have been that you have taken my post out of context. But I have a strong feeling that it comes from a subconscious wall built in you (many strong women) that reads - “I am a strong, professional, educated woman”. Remember now, it is coming from a man's perspective. It’s a defense mechanism by career women that as we man notice. NO MATTER how much you try to suppress it, it always shows up to MEN. We also gauge in how much you are going to let us MEN do our jobs to care for you. It’s natural and part of our make-up.
What I stated was that “we are in DC where the texture and landscape does not allow for the cultivation of what you would find in areas where this is more work/family balance. DC attracts a certain group of people. And sure, a few may possess balanced qualities but many have worked their entire early lives to arrive here- and continue to be leaders amongst their peers. Therefore, also men, but since I am speaking from a man’s perspective , women that have been chasing their careers and have finally decided to take dating seriously, are behind the curve ball. They lack the early stages of dating. If you don’t use it, you lose it. And if you have been bossing people around your entire career, it's hard to shut it off. It’s learning to date all over again. That is why dating coaches make a whole heap of money and why you have match sites for careerists. Most people aren’t naturally good at dating and meeting their soul mates. It takes time.
But let me tell you a secret, the more you start to regurgitate the "why do men feel that strong women have to fake being needy", the more you are showing your cards. ESPECIALLY since I didn't even go there. I never mentioned anything regarding that women should be simple.
Furthermore, since you have thrown the "I am strong and educated" card as well as the "why are men intimidated by strong women" card, I gotchu because now YOU have shown your hands. Often only career women speak as such...
This is the original cat daddy you dealing with here...
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, women that have been chasing their careers and have finally decided to take dating seriously, are behind the curve ball. They lack the early stages of dating. If you don’t use it, you lose it. And if you have been bossing people around your entire career, it's hard to shut it off. It’s learning to date all over again. That is why dating coaches make a whole heap of money and why you have match sites for careerists. Most people aren’t naturally good at dating and meeting their soul mates. It takes time. 
