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Good post. When I got out of the service I looked into contracting and such but after research I found how unstable defense and other government related contracting jobs could be. I looked into an entrylevel assembly job with Lockheed Martin once, and it was lay off city.
I went into private sector and never collected unemployment, survived the financial crisis of 2008, bought a house, have had brand new cars, and so on, never needed a government job, served my country, discharged honorably, moved on to different things.
DMV men need to stop acting like they are in college especially considering the high rate of STDs in the DMV area. If you are a married man please do not go on online dating sites!!! Get a divorce then date.
Wow, I have to admit as a lurker, this thread is like a soap opera! They could make a reality TV show out of it or something similar. lol I've only visited DC on business and couldn't help but notice a lot of attractive women. There was no way for me to tell if they were locals are just visiting on business as well. I'm not on the market, so I didn't bother to ask.
Bottom line: If things are as bad as the OP states, I recommend moving out of the area if its feasible to do so. It sounds like the cards are stacked against you there. If so and you are looking for a meaningful, lasting relationship, why stay? So what if some 'others' have a different experience. Most are guys responding. They are not living in your shoes. Their big counterpoint boils down to the fact that people are people wherever you go. Will things really be any different somewhere else? Then you have to add on top of that the layers of sub-culture which makes DC unique to the overall social environment. I can honestly see both sides. Places do vary in terms of dating scenes 'generally' speaking. But then in almost all of them, it really comes down to the individuals in question. If you know what you want and the DC men you are meeting are not it, why limit yourself to *one* area only? Seriously. Think about that for a moment. There is nothing wrong with casting a wider net and considering longer distance relationships. Wouldn't it be worth dating someone from another area if you found the type of guy you were looking for?
I dated my wife from a distance and it worked out great for us. I know couples who have dated across state lines.
I noticed you posted in the CA forum and there weren't many responses. At least nothing like here where I think you struck a nerve. Granted, the other post was a bit more vague and too difficult to generalize over such large populations (all of SF and SD). So it was harder to provide a reasonable answer. Don't give up hope or limit yourself. There is no reason to stay stuck in DC beyond job. I know many professional women who end up married to their work. Ask yourself if that is what you really want. If not, get out and explore other places. What have you got to lose?
Derek
Last edited by MtnSurfer; 11-26-2015 at 10:28 PM..
Wow, I have to admit as a lurker, this thread is like a soap opera! They could make a reality TV show out of it or something similar. lol I've only visited DC on business and couldn't help but notice a lot of attractive women. There was no way for me to tell if they were locals are just visiting on business as well. I'm not on the market, so I didn't bother to ask.
Bottom line: If things are as bad as the OP states, I recommend moving out of the area if its feasible to do so. It sounds like the cards are stacked against you there. If so and you are looking for a meaningful, lasting relationship, why stay? So what if some 'others' have a different experience. Most are guys responding. They are not living in your shoes. Their big counterpoint boils down to the fact that people are people wherever you go. Will things really be any different somewhere else? Then you have to add on top of that the layers of sub-culture which makes DC unique to the overall social environment. I can honestly see both sides. Places do vary in terms of dating scenes 'generally' speaking. But then in almost all of them, it really comes down to the individuals in question. If you know what you want and the DC men you are meeting are not it, why limit yourself to *one* area only? Seriously. Think about that for a moment. There is nothing wrong with casting a wider net and considering longer distance relationships. Wouldn't it be worth dating someone from another area if you found the type of guy you were looking for?
I dated my wife from a distance and it worked out great for us. I know couples who have dated across state lines.
I noticed you posted in the CA forum and there weren't many responses. At least nothing like here where I think you struck a nerve. Granted, the other post was a bit more vague and too difficult to generalize over such large populations (all of SF and SD). So it was harder to provide a reasonable answer. Don't give up hope or limit yourself. There is no reason to stay stuck in DC beyond job. I know many professional women who end up married to their work. Ask yourself if that is what you really want. If not, get out and explore other places. What have you got to lose?
Derek
The OP is not interested in actually fixing her problem. Haven't you noticed?
Whenever a person blames everyone and everything for their issue but themselves, you know they have no interest in an actual solution. They have no interest in anything that requires them to make any adjustments or do any work. She is the biggest part of her own problem. But she refuses to accept that. So nothing can really help her until she does.
The OP is not interested in actually fixing her problem. Haven't you noticed?
Whenever a person blames everyone and everything for their issue but themselves, you know they have no interest in an actual solution. They have no interest in anything that requires them to make any adjustments or do any work. She is the biggest part of her own problem. But she refuses to accept that. So nothing can really help her until she does.
One thing I can see from firsthand experiences is that online dating is awful. I've dabbled on and off on online dating sites and the quality of women is horrible. They lie about their body types, that they don't play games and ignore (these are the ones who are guilty of ignoring usually), etc. I've found meeting women in person is the way to go and I think it goes the same for women. Meeting someone organically is the best. The OP has mentioned online dating in some of her posts which I think is a mistake. Sure its possible to meet someone online but you typically have to date a ton of people to find someone you click with. It's just not a natural way to meet someone. By getting off the online dating sites I've upped my wardrobe and notice I get a lot of attention from women by putting more effort into myself in person. Perhaps the OP should stay away from the online dating sites and put more effort into her appearance. Not trying to be shallow but I love a well put together woman and women feel the same about us.
The OP is not interested in actually fixing her problem. Haven't you noticed?
Whenever a person blames everyone and everything for their issue but themselves, you know they have no interest in an actual solution. They have no interest in anything that requires them to make any adjustments or do any work. She is the biggest part of her own problem. But she refuses to accept that. So nothing can really help her until she does.
Let's just entertain for a moment the scenario she has described as if there were some truth to it. What if not only her, but many other attractive, professional women were struggling finding a decent man in the city? Decent meaning not living in grandma's basement, gainfully employed, not a player looking for merely a quick romp and then on to the next one or cheating on his wife, etc... What if there were other places where these somewhat stereotypical losers were not in such high abundance? Could a women do better there even if she did 'nothing' to improve herself but to show up to the party? I think you follow the logic. It's an appealing concept.
I mean let's be completely honest for a moment. If there was a place where the ratio of attractive single females were higher than single males, men would be interested that place! That is why some American men are dating women abroad. They simply do not like their odds here in the states as much. Or they like women from other cultures who value other qualities in a man, especially if he is not the greatest looking. Maybe they like more traditional values: male, female roles, etc... That's why Russian bride businesses do so well with American men.
All I'm saying is there is nothing wrong in trying another place to potentially increase one's odds. That being said, I hear loud and clear what the guys are saying about being willing to work on oneself. Exercise, fitness, dress, etc... can go a long way toward improving one's odds. Then, yes, attitude is another Big factor as well. Even a beautiful women with a strongly jaded attitude can be spotted a mile away. And sometimes that is enough to turn away many men, some of whom may have been a good potential match. In these cases the attitude can become a self-fulfilling prophecy were the only men willing to date such a women (tolerate the attitude) are the kinds she wants to avoid. It becomes a vicious cycle.
Maybe simply moving will give her a new start, a different perspective and renewed willingness to consider both internal and external factors? If someone truly feels stuck in a rut, its sometimes best to just go explore new horizons. This principle applies to many places, not simply the DC region.
I think all these factors and more come into play in this complex process of finding a long-term partner and soul mate. Other factors can include common interests, goals, values, expectations, upbringing, personality types, etc...
Derek
Last edited by MtnSurfer; 11-27-2015 at 10:20 AM..
One thing I can see from firsthand experiences is that online dating is awful. I've dabbled on and off on online dating sites and the quality of women is horrible. They lie about their body types, that they don't play games and ignore (these are the ones who are guilty of ignoring usually), etc. I've found meeting women in person is the way to go and I think it goes the same for women. Meeting someone organically is the best. The OP has mentioned online dating in some of her posts which I think is a mistake. Sure its possible to meet someone online but you typically have to date a ton of people to find someone you click with. It's just not a natural way to meet someone. By getting off the online dating sites I've upped my wardrobe and notice I get a lot of attention from women by putting more effort into myself in person. Perhaps the OP should stay away from the online dating sites and put more effort into her appearance. Not trying to be shallow but I love a well put together woman and women feel the same about us.
I agree.
Online dating is terrible in every city and terrible in general.
Let's just entertain for a moment the scenario she has described as if there were some truth to it. What if not only her, but many other attractive, professional women were struggling finding a decent man in the city? Decent meaning not living in grandma's basement, gainfully employed, not a player looking for merely a quick romp and then on to the next one or cheating on his wife, etc... What if there were other places where these somewhat stereotypical losers were not in such high abundance? Could a women do better there even if she did 'nothing' to improve herself but to show up to the party? I think you follow the logic. It's an appealing concept.
I mean let's be completely honest for a moment. If there was a place where the ratio of attractive single females were higher than single males, men would be interested that place! That is why some American men are dating women abroad. They simply do not like their odds here in the states as much. Or they like women from other cultures who value other qualities in a man, especially if he is not the greatest looking. Maybe they like more traditional values: male, female roles, etc... That's why Russian bride businesses do so well with American men.
All I'm saying is there is nothing wrong in trying another place to potentially increase one's odds. That being said, I hear loud and clear what the guys are saying about being willing to work on oneself. Exercise, fitness, dress, etc... can go a long way toward improving one's odds. Then, yes, attitude is another Big factor as well. Even a beautiful women with a strongly jaded attitude can be spotted a mile away. And sometimes that is enough to turn away many men, some of whom may have been a good potential match. In these cases the attitude can become a self-fulfilling prophecy were the only men willing to date such a women (tolerate the attitude) are the kinds she wants to avoid. It becomes a vicious cycle.
Maybe simply moving will give her a new start, a different perspective and renewed willingness to consider both internal and external factors? If someone truly feels stuck in a rut, its sometimes best to just go explore new horizons. This principle applies to many places, not simply the DC region.
I think all these factors and more come into play in this complex process of finding a long-term partner and soul mate. Other factors can include common interests, goals, values, expectations, upbringing, personality types, etc...
Derek
True. But people need to have realistic expectations too. I think a lot of people let TV and movies dictate their expectations of the opposite sex too much.
We also have to take into account how shallow a lot of people who complain "they can't find someone" are. For instance a woman like the OP might meet a "decent man" not living in grandma's basement, gainfully employed, not a player looking for merely a quick romp and then on to the next one or cheating on his wife. Yet..... she might not want to date that man because he is too short, the wrong race, bald etc.
Of course men who look like a young Brad Pitt will take advantage of that and enjoy many different women. Why not? If a woman wants to settle down, she needs to be realistic about what she offers compared to what she wants a man to offer. No young Brad Pitt is going to settle down with just any attractive professional woman unless that woman stands out from the others in a big way.
This is why I asked the OP earlier in this tread how she stands out from other women in DC. If you expect a lot you have to offer a lot. This is just how the world works.
True. But people need to have realistic expectations too. I think a lot of people let TV and movies dictate their expectations of the opposite sex too much.
We also have to take into account how shallow a lot of people who complain "they can't find someone" are. For instance a woman like the OP might meet a "decent man" not living in grandma's basement, gainfully employed, not a player looking for merely a quick romp and then on to the next one or cheating on his wife. Yet..... she might not want to date that man because he is too short, the wrong race, bald etc.
Of course men who look like a young Brad Pitt will take advantage of that and enjoy many different women. Why not? If a woman wants to settle down, she needs to be realistic about what she offers compared to what she wants a man to offer. No young Brad Pitt is going to settle down with just any attractive professional woman unless that woman stands out from the others in a big way.
This is why I asked the OP earlier in this tread how she stands out from other women in DC. If you expect a lot you have to offer a lot. This is just how the world works.
Yes, I agree with this. Now, lets take that same train of thought a step further. Let's say that a single man of similar physical condition, appeal, professional success, etc... can attract women who are 10+ years younger, better looking, with just as good a career or better in the DC area? Then, what realistically is the 'equivalent' women left with in that case? Well, to meet someone with lasting potential she would need to greatly reduce her expectations and lower her standards. Look for a guy 10+ years older, in worse physical condition with less hair and potentially other concessions as well. To what degree of concessions or lowering of ones' apparent 'high standards' does this become a losing proposition? In other words, when would the women be better off single with at least the hope of something better (somewhere/some day) than living in a sub-par relationship?
I probably look at this a little differently now that I am both a husband and more importantly father of daughters. I would rather my daughters wait for the right man for them rather than settle into a form of unhappiness just because. Of course, being realistic not expecting a Brad Pitt looking dude is important unless she is really 'all that' herself. Beyond simple looks comparisons, there are many other basics a women needs in a man for longer term relationships. Does she really need to date someone who can't hold a job, is 10+ years older (though for some this is fine), has different goals, values, interests, etc... just to find a partner? Maybe, maybe not.
Derek
Last edited by MtnSurfer; 11-27-2015 at 03:04 PM..
Online dating is terrible in every city and terrible in general.
While I agree with this generally speaking, I do know two happily married couples who met online. I would think successful online relationships are more rare, though I don't know of any stats indicating this. Here is something interesting from Pew Research:
They state that 5% of Americans who are in a marriage or committed relationship say they met their significant other online. That still leaves 95% who did not.
I simply prefer a more organic relationship first over something which begins with an online search. I would expand one's social circle of interests and explore those more. For example, volunteer work for a social cause, take a class, running, hiking, skiing club, church/synagogue singles activities, etc...
Derek
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They could make a reality TV show out of it or something similar. lol I've only visited DC on business and couldn't help but notice a lot of attractive women. There was no way for me to tell if they were locals are just visiting on business as well. I'm not on the market, so I didn't bother to ask.
