This is a rant by someone who feels somewhat "unemployable." Please read it (work, company)

[oldtrader]

Certainly avoiding the central issue here that medications and therapy exist here to mitigate her symptoms however that will be a choice. In my mind it should be the 1st one...but that is just my 2 cents

Again, you are not considering it is ASD. There is no cure, or control developed for ASD. There are some medicines that have been used to control things like depression, etc., but knock one nearly ouyt and stop normal functions when taken and person taking must be under observation. The problems the OP says she has, such as mind wondering, inability to concentrate, making errors, can not be controlled by medicine. I know this, because if it was possible to control the problems the OP has I would buy them for my grandson, who has the same problems the OP says she has when attempting to work. The medicines do not make them a functional person for jobs, but are used to prevent suicide, and other effects of serious depression. And there is no effective therapy that solves the problem.

Patches403---Nearly all that list of jobs, are not jobs that the OP would be able to handle. Example Bank Teller. The OP says she was fired working in fast food restaurants. She would insult customers. She would get them their food, and forget to take the money, etc., etc. A bank teller would not be a solution, as it is even more dependent on clear thinking than fast food restaurants. And the same for for many other jobs you listed.

Simple jobs on the list such as taxi driver are out. Imagine a passenger gets in with a driver that hast the ASD problem, and their mind wonders, and they drive the person to the other side of town instead of the correct destination. Or the ASD drivers mind wanders, and they stop and walk away from the Cab. The people with severe ASD problems like the OP, also don't pass tests for Commercial Drivers Licenses, and insurance companies would not insure the driver and cab this person was driving.

Would you want to hire an accountant, that says she has problems concentrating when working, whose mind wanders away from the job, who admits she is very prone to making errors, such as forgetting to take the customers money at fast food restaurants, and has been fired from several fast food restaurants because she forgets, makes a lot of mistakes, and gives the food away.

Remember she is working at a very simple very low pay job, and constantly gets reprimands.

I feel her pain, as I have a grandson with the same problems the OP has, and have known several others. I have hired several for simple jobs such as janitor, and someone had to watch them and keep them on track.

Again you are thinking of a normal person. The OP is not a normal person. She is an intelligent person, probably smarter than a lot of the people giving her advice. But she does not have the control to stay concentrated on what she is doing as she has stated several times. It is not her fault, as she was born that way. She has the desires to work, and to prosper, but does not have the ability to follow through on her desires. She does not want to have the problems life has forced onto her, and has a hard time not being able to do the things she would like to do.

She wants a normal life, like the average person has. Like a college graduate with a masters degree expects to have. She is intelligent, which makes it harder for her to understand her limitations and ability to stay focused and work like an average person. She does not like getting fired from the simple jobs, and constantly getting reprimands, due to her lack of being able to control her thoughts, to stay on track when performing work, and makes a lot of mistakes.

You don't need to go back to school. You need to use what you have and get your rear in gear and do something to self-start. You're wasting your life with debt, and you're in debt for no good reason.... buying degrees that you aren't even using. You could have become a prison guard with a high school diploma for petes's sakes. Even a GED. What did you burn up 120K for? It would have been smarter to spend it on beer.

No she could not have gotten a Prison Guard job. She would not have been safe in that position. She could not control prisoners, and when her mind wandered away from what she was doing, she could have been a danger to herself and others.

[krmb]

Originally Posted by ocnjgirl

OP has had many, many interviews but does not get hired due to the ASD and the way she comes across as well as the fact she did not do well in student teaching and has NO references recommending her. OP subbed for several years, badly, and was unable to control even a kindergarten class. She cannot use anyone from those jobs as a reference, either, because she performed so poorly.

OP wears clothes that don't fit and doesn't wash them often, in fact there is a thread where she wore dirty pants to school and didn't realize they smelled until the kids starting mocking her for it and holding their noses. She has heavy dark facial hair and doesn't do anything about it nor do anything to create a favorable impression including something as simple as making her hair nice. This is not laziness, she simply is clueless when it comes to social norms, literally does not know she is violating them until something happens. This is why she needs professional help so badly that she keeps making excuses not to seek.

KMB, Germaine, in another thread, suggested you need to start at the very basics such as hygiene and basic living and social skills, things that other kids just pick up naturally from the cues and feedback the world gives us constantly, but you need to be taught step by step due to the ASD. You really need to align yourself with an Autism group and start pushing to see what help you can get, because I don't believe for a second there is none, as I have found it for you on more than one occasion and on more than one venue, to which you respond "I guess I'll call but it really won't help and I don't actually think my ASD is that much of a problem anymore" (more magical thinking, which doesn't serve you).

Again, regarding the teaching, OP does not know what level any of the kids in her class are functioning at, she doesn't know how to make a lesson plan nor do assessments despite her degree, the kids hate her and often say she's not a "real teacher", because frankly, she's not. They sit in front of a computer program all day. She doesn't work with the kids who need help, she doesn't know how to even begin to do that. These kids liked their last teacher, it is not the setting it is KMB. She thought teaching is standing in front of a class playing an actor doing a performance, and believed that social skills training was somehow going to be a part of getting a teaching degree. She does not know how to interact with kids or other staff. She can't even keep track of the kids' work folders. The only reason she still has this job is that these kids don't have parents to demand her removal.

This is ALL ASD, KMB. You may try to differentiate yourself but you are typical ASD, sorry for that. Up to you to get help or keep making threads where you tell half the story and then glom on to the advice that doesn't take your ASD into consideration.

Your ASD is THE reason you haven't succeeded...repeat that as many times as you need to until you can accept it, then maybe you'll put some effort into getting help.

Mostly, you've told the truth. I don't notice that something is a problem until people mention it several times and in different contexts. I didn't do anything about my hygiene and appearance problems as a kid, and I only started trying to fix things when my students started complaining. I feel like I've improved, even though I still don't do my laundry every week and usually just opt to hand wash things. People have still complained of weird odors from time to time but it isn't really that frequent. I would guess that I'm taking better care of my hygiene than I was before. Today, though, I made another mistake. I didn't wear a bra to work. I really didn't think anyone would notice, but yeah, someone did. They told me they weren't going to report me, but I was warned to make sure I do it from now on. I get that no one is picking on me, and that these little things really do matter. When I was a kid, I wasn't emotionally mature enough to accept that, so I assigned blame to the people accusing me. Now, though, I'm starting to get it. It really isn't fun, though, to leave the house and not even know how other people are going to perceive you. I thought I was worried about nothing, but, no, all of it is real. My appearance is super important on this job, and it's just defeating when I think everything is fine and someone finds some glaring error that I've missed, like "uncombed" hair (my hair frizzes naturally, so how can they even tell?), unwashed clothes, clothes being worn improperly (like inside-out, shirts as skirts, and other silly clothing mistakes that apparently only I make), improper undergarments (how they spotted that I still have no idea). I've also been warned about how I keep my classroom. I finally asked someone to spell it out to me, because although I know it's disorganized, I don't really know how to keep it organized.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by kmb501

Mostly, you've told the truth. I don't notice that something is a problem until people mention it several times and in different contexts. I didn't do anything about my hygiene and appearance problems as a kid, and I only started trying to fix things when my students started complaining. I feel like I've improved, even though I still don't do my laundry every week and usually just opt to hand wash things. People have still complained of weird odors from time to time but it isn't really that frequent. I would guess that I'm taking better care of my hygiene than I was before. Today, though, I made another mistake. I didn't wear a bra to work. I really didn't think anyone would notice, but yeah, someone did. They told me they weren't going to report me, but I was warned to make sure I do it from now on. I get that no one is picking on me, and that these little things really do matter. When I was a kid, I wasn't emotionally mature enough to accept that, so I assigned blame to the people accusing me. Now, though, I'm starting to get it. It really isn't fun, though, to leave the house and not even know how other people are going to perceive you. I thought I was worried about nothing, but, no, all of it is real. My appearance is super important on this job, and it's just defeating when I think everything is fine and someone finds some glaring error that I've missed, like "uncombed" hair (my hair frizzes naturally, so how can they even tell?), unwashed clothes, clothes being worn improperly (like inside-out, shirts as skirts, and other silly clothing mistakes that apparently only I make), improper undergarments (how they spotted that I still have no idea). I've also been warned about how I keep my room. I finally asked someone to spell it out to me, because although I know it's disorganized, I don't really know how to keep it organized.

kmb, the more that you post, the more certain that I am that you need to start at the very basics. You may be surprised to hear this, but every special education classroom in my school, including early childhood (age 3 to 5) has a full length mirror beside the classroom door. The children are taught to check their appearance before they leave the classroom. There may even be a check list, hair combed, clothes clean, pants zipped and things like that. Older children that may need extra help in getting dressed independently, often have checklists at home. (of course, at the early childhood level it is different than with a 2nd grader or a 4th grader, but it is surprising how often a 3 or 4 year old will notice that they took off their shoes and forgot to put them back on or they forget to put on their coat before going outside in winter or something similar just by looking in the mirror.

I am thinking that you may need someone to help you make some checklists for you to follow, or you may be able to find checklists in a book that you can modify to meet your specific needs. It may seem silly but you may need a list to follow each morning when you get dressed. For a grown 30 year old woman to forget to wear a bra means that you really, really need help in this area. Also, if someone noticed it and warned you about it, it must have been pretty obvious to everyone that you weren't wearing a bra. Considering that your job is in a detention center I am surprised that the boss did not send you home for the day or make you go home and come back when you were properly dressed.

Perhaps a list something like this
1.Shower, wash hair, dry off & put on deodorant
2. Put on clean underwear and bra
3. Comb hair, put on make-up
4. Put on clean, matching clothes & shoes
5. Put on outerwear suitable for the weather
6. Take your purse, bag lunch and work materials

And then check in a full length mirror. Perhaps a friend can help you coordinate outfits and take a photograph of the matching outfit. All you would need to do is match those clean clothes to the photograph when you get dressed. Or put the shirt, skirt & matching tights on the same hanger so that they are together. There are techniques that people who are blind or visually handicapped use to always have matching, appropriate outfits, perhaps some of those would work for you.

You probably also need lists about washing clothes, getting haircuts, cutting your fingernails, shaving your legs or other grooming skills.

Perhaps something like.
Wednesday. Wash every piece of clothing in the dirty clothes basket. (of course you need to have put your dirty clothes in basket) Dry, hang up or fold and put away in drawers.

Saturday. Wash every piece of clothing in the dirty clothes basket. Dry, hang up or fold and put away in drawers.
Wash the bedding and all the towels in the bathroom & kitchen. Dry, remake the bed and hang up clean towels in the bathroom & kitchen

I am sorry that you did not learn these things as a child or teen, but better to learn them now than to never learn them.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

kmb, the more that you post, the more certain that I am that you need to start at the very basics. You may be surprised to hear this, but every special education classroom in school, including early childhood (age 3 to 5) has a full length mirror beside the classroom door. The children are taught to check their appearance before they leave the classroom. There may even be a check list, hair combed, clothes clean, pants zipped and things like that. Older children that may need extra help in getting dressed independently, often have checklists at home.

I am thinking that you may need someone to help you make some checklists for you to follow, or you may be able to find checklists in a book that you can modify to meet your specific needs. It may seem silly but you may need a list to follow each morning when you get dressed. For a grown 30 year old woman to forget to wear a bra means that you really, really need help in this area.

Perhaps a list something like this
1.Shower, wash hair, dry off & put on deodorant
2. Put on clean underwear and bra
3. Comb hair, put on make-up
4. Put on clean, matching clothes
5. Put on outerwear suitable for the weather
6. Take your purse, bag lunch and work materials
7. Go to the bathroom every hour if you need to or not (OP has stated on different thread that she has frequent accidents)

And then check in a full length mirror. Perhaps a friend can help you coordinate outfits and take a photograph of the matching outfit. All you would need to do is match those clean clothes to the photograph when you get dressed. Or put the shirt, skirt & matching tights on the same hanger so that they are together.

You may also needs lists about washing clothes, getting haircuts, cutting your fingernails, shaving your legs or other grooming skills.

OP, get all this in order, work your job for a while and THEN look for something else.


Most jobs would not tolerate what you are doing aka your lack of hygiene, so I would be pretty thankful if I was you, despite the low income.

[krmb]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

OP, get all this in order, work your job for a while and THEN look for something else.


Most jobs would not tolerate what you are doing aka your lack of hygiene, so I would be pretty thankful if I was you, despite the low income.

TMI Warning

Yeah, the "frequent accidents" only occur during a certain time of the month. That's a medical issue, but it does add more laundry. I usually just wear dark bottoms and hand wash soiled clothing. Going to the bathroom every hour or so wouldn't really be practical, and it doesn't matter if I use pads or tampons; I still sometimes manage to stain clothing. I usually just take an extra bathroom break while the kids are having snack time if I don't think I can wait until lunch time. I try to minimize accidents, but it is true that they do happen, and, no, nothing else really works. I usually take synthetic hormones prescribed by my doctor to keep it from getting serious, but I usually wait until it lasts longer than usual to get them prescribed to me. (I really wish these things were obtainable over the counter. Doctors' appointments are a little inconvenient with my schedule.) One time I let it get so bad, though, that I actually had to accept a few pints of blood for my iron loss. That was actually kind of funny in a morbid way. The moral of that story is always take care of your health, regardless of if you think you can afford it or not. Sometimes, you can't afford not to. I need to start taking iron supplements again, I think. I think most of my tiredness may be from being anemic.

My hygiene issues are what I would describe as minimal, but maybe I think that because no one points them out to me on a regular basis. In my opinion, I'm cleaner than a few of my friends who are supposed to be "normal" people.

[krmb]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

kmb, the more that you post, the more certain that I am that you need to start at the very basics. You may be surprised to hear this, but every special education classroom in my school, including early childhood (age 3 to 5) has a full length mirror beside the classroom door. The children are taught to check their appearance before they leave the classroom. it's not too odd; the kids at the detention center where I work have a standard of hygiene and grooming they have to meet before coming out for class, too. I'm thinking that's probably why they complained about me so much at the beginning. I wasn't following the rules. There may even be a check list, hair combed, clothes clean, pants zipped and things like that. [i]I used to keep a full-length mirror in my room, but I don't have one right now. I could fix that, but, honestly, when I look in a mirror, sometimes I guess I just don't see what's wrong. For example, I went to work with my hair uncombed one day, thinking it would not be a big deal, only to get called into my boss's office for a talk. I'm still not sure what they consider "acceptable," and, well, since no one will tell me unless it becomes a serious issue, I don't really know what to do but just continue to guess, check, and re-check.[/I]Older children that may need extra help in getting dressed independently, often have checklists at home. (of course, at the early childhood level it is different than with a 2nd grader or a 4th grader, but it is surprising how often a 3 or 4 year old will notice that they took off their shoes and forgot to put them back on or they forget to put on their coat before going outside in winter or something similar just by looking in the mirror.I WISH someone would have worked with me on this when I was a child! I remember getting teased by the kids one day in kindergarten, because I wore a dress with big holes in it and didn't even notice until I was tripping over them! I also had this weird habit where I would walk over my shoes. Today I wear rubber ones that don't bend out of shape if I inadvertently walk on them. I never understood how other people keep from bending their shoes while walking, but it seems like other people walk with a different gait or something.

I am thinking that you may need someone to help you make some checklists for you to follow, or you may be able to find checklists in a book that you can modify to meet your specific needs. It may seem silly but you may need a list to follow each morning when you get dressed. For a grown 30 year old woman to forget to wear a bra means that you really, really need help in this area. I didn't exactly "forget," I just thought it wouldn't matter. I wore a sort of over-sized poncho, so I actually thought nothing was visible Also, if someone noticed it and warned you about it, it must have been pretty obvious to everyone that you weren't wearing a bra. Considering that your job is in a detention center I am surprised that the boss did not send you home for the day or make you go home and come back when you were properly dressed. the first time I did it, they did. The person who warned me, though, said she didn't want me to get written up again. I'm learning that educators have to protect themselves from the threat of all sorts of liabilities. Some of these precautions I would have never thought about on my own.

Perhaps a list something like this
1.Shower, wash hair, dry off & put on deodorant I keep a brush, a comb, a stick of deoderant, a razor, and body lotion in my car
2. Put on clean underwear and bra [i]I don't wash my clothes every week, and that means I usually wear bras that are not so clean I guess I need to start[/I]
3. Comb hair, put on make-up my skin breaks out; makeup is usually a "no." I thought it was optional?
4. Put on clean, matching clothes & shoes again, I don't do laundry every week, so sometimes my clothes aren't clean.
5. Put on outerwear suitable for the weather where I live, there are extreme differences in temperature possible this time of the year. "Dressing for the weather" is nearly impossible. There's a good chance you will either be too hot or too cold. I usually just wear fall outfits year-round. I'm indoors, so it doesn't seem to hurt.
6. Take your purse, bag lunch and work materials. one of the older teachers started teasing me about leaving my purse, so I stopped carrying one. I usually just carry my bag, which contains my teaching materials, lunch (if I brought one; I usually just buy out of the cafeteria), and wallet.

And then check in a full length mirror. Perhaps a friend can help you coordinate outfits and take a photograph of the matching outfit. All you would need to do is match those clean clothes to the photograph when you get dressed. Or put the shirt, skirt & matching tights on the same hanger so that they are together. There are techniques that people who are blind or visually handicapped use to always have matching, appropriate outfits, perhaps some of those would work for you.Another issue that you aren't considering is I often get up around 2:30 AM or earlier. I wish I could get this sleeping issue straightened out. I'm often extremely tired, and it's much more difficult for me to do my daily grooming routine because of feeling like I need more sleep. I don't know if you noticed, but some of my posts on C-D were written at around 3:00 or so in the morning. My mind is really active and often keeps me awake.

You probably also need lists about washing clothes, getting haircuts, cutting your fingernails, shaving your legs or other grooming skills. yes, a schedule is what I need. I often forget when I did such and such grooming procedure, so I usually go to work without doing it. Oddly, no one has said a thing about my hairy legs. I was trying to cover them up, but no one has warned me or complained. I do try to take care of them when I remember and feel like I have time, though.

Perhaps something like.
Wednesday. Wash every piece of clothing in the dirty clothes basket. (of course you need to have put your dirty clothes in basket) Dry, hang up or fold and put away in drawers. Wednesday is a super-busy day for me. I usually don't get home until about 10:00.

Saturday. Wash every piece of clothing in the dirty clothes basket. Dry, hang up or fold and put away in drawers.you are right about me needing a routine. It looks like some kind of animal has been living in my room. The worst part is I don't even know how it gets like this. I clean it, but I can never remember to maintain it, even though I want to maintain it.
Wash the bedding and all the towels in the bathroom & kitchen. Dry, remake the bed and hang up clean towels in the bathroom & kitchen

I am sorry that you did not learn these things as a child or teen, but better to learn them now than to never learn them. yeah, when I was a kid, my mom would tell me to do certain chores and then get upset when I wasn't doing them right. I remember once she commented on me not sweeping the floor correctly. Eventually, I just started ignoring her when she asked me to do chores. That may be one reason why I don't regularly clean up after myself today.

Thanks for the advice. I really do want to start following it. People don't see me as the goofy little kid or the naive charming young adult anymore. I'm a full adult with a lot of important responsibilities, and I should either find ways to meet those challenges or look into getting on disability. I really want to improve. I hate that I sometimes have weird smells coming from my clothes and I don't know how they got there, a room full of clutter that I can't account for, and various things that say, "I don't really care about anything," although that's not true!

I'm actually a little upset at how people like me are evidently perceived. I once had a boss who told me he hired a lady who was on drugs and tried to give her every chance he could, even though he knew she did drugs, sometimes even in the parking lot at work. Of course, there was no mention of this lady getting fired over her drug use, at least not for the first offense. That's how people like me are perceived, worth less than known criminals. I genuinely have no concept of why, though.

[jade408]

I don't think people should look to work for life fulfillment. Very few people find that in work. But you can use work to fund life fulfillment for you.

How can you add fun and excitement to your life outside of work?

I find that making sure I am doing what I want outside of work makes work a lot easier.

[Bungalove]

Originally Posted by kmb501

Thanks for the advice. I really do want to start following it. People don't see me as the goofy little kid or the naive charming young adult anymore. I'm a full adult with a lot of important responsibilities, and I should either find ways to meet those challenges or look into getting on disability. I really want to improve. I hate that I sometimes have weird smells coming from my clothes and I don't know how they got there, a room full of clutter that I can't account for, and various things that say, "I don't really care about anything," although that's not true!

I'm actually a little upset at how people like me are evidently perceived. I once had a boss who told me he hired a lady who was on drugs and tried to give her every chance he could, even though he knew she did drugs, sometimes even in the parking lot at work. Of course, there was no mention of this lady getting fired over her drug use, at least not for the first offense. That's how people like me are perceived, worth less than known criminals. I genuinely have no concept of why, though.

Oh come on now, KMB. Even if you got on disability, that doesn't exempt you from maintaining basic standards of cleanliness and personal hygiene. You aren't a cute small furry animal living in a den in the hillside; you have an apartment. Even worse, you want to actually move into a bigger apartment and get a roommate. Who on earth do you think is going to want to rent a place with you if you don't have good hygiene, have dirty unwashed clothing about, and stuff laying around so that it looks like an animal lives there? Even with OCD and ASD you can make checklists of the minimum things you need to do.

And if you can't visualize how you should reasonably look and dress, you are certainly computer literate enough to google various hairstyles and fashions that are popular and available. You certainly spend enough time on C-D - put that time to better use improving your personal appearance and your immediate surroundings.

[tnff]

Originally Posted by kmb501

...That's how people like me are perceived, worth less than known criminals. I genuinely have no concept of why, though.

Maybe some people do. But not everyone. And not those of us here. All of us who've been following you for some time really, badly, want you to succeed. But we can't do it for you.


So, I'll ask this very directly: Have you contacted any of the helping agencies or specialists you've been given by OCN and others? First thing in the morning call one. Set up an appointment. And then come back on here to tell us that you have done it. You need help from an ASD specialist. Heck, I suspect there are enough folks on here who care enough that if someone lived next door, they would drag you to the appointment. But we can't. All we can do is urge you to do so.

[Blitzmark]

Well, first of all, move the hell out of the deep south. That will radically change your mindset. And if you can't, well then your screwed.