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Yeah, I sort of understand that. I wasn't thinking in those terms, though.
I was thinking that if it's one or two minor things they notice, if it's a friend or coworker, they could pull me aside and address it. I don't really understand how this is both so minor that it would not be appropriate to mention, and it is also such a major concern that it has gotten me reprimands. That makes no sense from this teacher's perspective. If my students, for instance, are doing things in my classroom that they should not be doing, of course I'm going to mention it to them. Why don't people handle these kinds of situations the same way? My coworker apparently thought me leaving my purse in her classroom was a big enough issue to tease me about it publicly, and I eventually caught on and stopped bringing my purse. She knew how to play on my self-consciousness then. I'm not saying I want to be teased to correct these things; it was very uncomfortable to have that happen at work. I was afraid my boss was going to see how forgetful I was and fire me on the spot. The point is, however, she showed no hesitation in finding a semi-socially-appropriate manner to address the situation and make me eventually deal with it. I usually make an effort to correct the things that are mentioned to me, and I think most people know that.
There is a big difference between asking your friends and trusted co-workers to let you know about things that you do wrong and expecting strangers to do that for you.
And, don't just assume that your friends and trusted co-workers know that you want/need their help. Tell them exactly what you want them to do.
then hire someone to do these things for you if you can't/won't do them for yourself...hire a personal assistant/babysitter/pseudo-mom.
If you came to work looking like you just rolled out of bed, we'd talk to you about it. If it continued, and we kept talking, you would eventually get terminated.
You know you need help and no one here or in real life can force you to get help. It's up to you to reach out and find some help.
How do think this kind of living is going to play out when you get a roommate?
She makes $20K/year. Do you really think she can afford to hire an assistant?
I've been really depressed, and I've never had a schedule unless I made it up myself. I'm woefully inconsistent in most things, though. That's why I feel like I need to take a class to learn new skills; I'm bad at managing my own time and teaching myself. In fact, part of my motivation for becoming an educator was the idea that I would master the time management and organization skills I've been craving. That hasn't happened, yet.
My mom would tell me about my beauty and hygiene issues constantly, when she was alive. I thought she was just nagging me and willingly rebelled against it. My dad was too busy to notice that it was an issue, and, personally, I think he's on the spectrum, too. Plus, when I was in school, it seemed like the other kids would leave me alone if my habits were too weird, so I thought I had figured out a solution to the bullying I was receiving. My parents never knew how bad it was for me at school.
My mom did a lot of stuff for me that I took for granted, including:
*washing my clothes every week
*waking me up in time for school
*fixing my hair (I took over this responsibility as soon as possible, and she often got upset at me for doing it incorrectly)
*picking out outfits for me
*going shopping with me (I never got into it until one day we went shopping for my prom dress. I found a beautiful one with a nice price tag, but I decided against it for some reason. I don't remember if it was because I thought my parents probably didn't have enough money or what the reason was.)
*arranging "play dates" for me
*encouraging me
Mom was my micro-manager! I didn't like her that much, though, because she never took the time to actually get to know me. She treated me a little like a non-person (maybe she thought I wouldn't notice?) I want to say that she didn't even hug me until I was close to taking my own life. I really appreciated that embrace. When I had that breakdown, my parents knew there was something wrong, then, but they didn't know what it was or how to help me. My mom was putting up with her own struggles that she didn't tell me about, and I think I pushed her over the edge by acting out. My mom and dad separated shortly after that, and my life was never the same. One time, my mom went off somewhere and neglected me for weeks.
I don't know what to tell you. People with ASD thrive with schedules. It's unfortunate that you didn't get more help from your parents, but you are an adult now. Even with ASD, you have to be able to get up at the right time, shower, and comb your hair. I'm sorry, I just don't understand.
Figure out what works and write it down. Post a copy in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen.
6:00 - Alarm
6:10 - Shower
6:20 - comb hair
6:30 - get dressed (clean, right side out)
6:40 - eat breakfast
7:00 - go to work
Or whatever works. Look at each step every day and make sure you do each thing on the list.
Do you only have enough clothes to last 1 week? After you wear them, put them in the dirty laundry. Don't take clothes out of the dirty laundry to wear! It's not hard to avoid wearing dirty clothes.
then hire someone to do these things for you if you can't/won't do them for yourself...hire a personal assistant/babysitter/pseudo-mom.
If you came to work looking like you just rolled out of bed, we'd talk to you about it. If it continued, and we kept talking, you would eventually get terminated.
You know you need help and no one here or in real life can force you to get help. It's up to you to reach out and find some help.
How do think this kind of living is going to play out when you get a roommate?
I don't know. At first, I thought it was maybe because I was a lazy, abnormally shy, college student. Now, though, I'm thinking it is inexcusable. Of course, I can't afford a personal assistant on only 20K per year, but I have hired friends to help me clean my apartment once in a while, and I occasionally take advantage of the beauty college students who want practice to get help with my hair and appearance. It's just frustrating when I leave things out and have no idea what they are or that they are a problem.
I've lived with plenty of roommates; they either cleaned up after me or insisted that I keep the mess confined to my space.
I understand those analogies, but I don't understand why you persist in sayingthat some of my dreams are "magical thinking" when they are within reach for "normal" people. Yes, though, I have some challenges, but if I convince myself that they will always get in the way, that will stop me from even trying, and why should I settle for being A,B, C, or D when I really aspire to become E,F, or G? I became an English teacher with the idea of becoming a professional writer in my spare time. I don't think that's too far out of reach, really. Yes, I was off-base when I thought teaching school was like acting school; I really wish someone would have explained that to me before I became the teacher few students want. I imagined they were going to teach us the art of presentation, catching attention, dealing with students with various learning disabilities in the regular classroom with live examples, etc. In the actual program, presentation and all of that stuff wasn't covered to the extent I imagined, yet we were still expected to know and be able to apply it. I got marked down for failing to present properly and found it really frustrating. My professors didn't really know how to help me, either. When I pointed out that I felt I was doing poorly, they usually just encouraged me.
But, some of your dreams are out of reach because you are not "normal people", you have ASD. And, some of your dreams may be out of reach because only the top one half of 1% of people who attempt that dream are successful and those top .05% have had unbelievable breaks and extraordinary talent and many other advantages.
Someone that I know wanted to be a professional ballerina since she was a child. Her mother was a well known, professional ballerina and my friend started dance classes almost as soon as she could walk. And she was a gifted ballerina when she was young. However, when she hit her teens, she started to grow both in height and in her body. No matter how much she starved herself she could not stop from growing to, a very unballerina-like 5'8" with a large build and extremely large breasts. Even if she had breast reduction surgery there was nothing that she could do to make herself shorter or have a smaller bone structure. Perhaps, if it had been just one thing but all three made it impossible for her to become a professional ballerina. She was devastated. At 18 she had already prepared for what she had hoped to be her future career with 16/17 years of dance classes. So, she modified her dream and became an exotic dancer. She turned her problems (being tall with big breasts) into assets.
I mention this story for several reasons. First, you need to actually work towards your dreams for a long time. My friend had 16 or 17 years of dance classes by the time that she graduated from HS. Next, you have to have some lucky breaks or advantages. Because, my friend's mom was a professional ballerina she could help her daughter every step along the way. In addition, because Mom taught dance at the dance studio, her daughter was able to get her very expensive dance lessons for free or at a much lower cost.
But, for reasons beyond her control (height, bone structure, breast size) my friend needed to give up her lifelong dream of being a professional ballerina. But, she changed her dream into something that was possible for her to achieve, being an exotic dancer. And, sometimes you need to accept that you have to give up or modify your dream.
I don't know what to tell you. People with ASD thrive with schedules. It's unfortunate that you didn't get more help from your parents, but you are an adult now. Even with ASD, you have to be able to get up at the right time, shower, and comb your hair. I'm sorry, I just don't understand.
Figure out what works and write it down. Post a copy in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen.
6:00 - Alarm
6:10 - Shower
6:20 - comb hair
6:30 - get dressed (clean, right side out)
6:40 - eat breakfast
7:00 - go to work
Or whatever works. Look at each step every day and make sure you do each thing on the list.
Do you only have enough clothes to last 1 week? After you wear them, put them in the dirty laundry. Don't take clothes out of the dirty laundry to wear! It's not hard to avoid wearing dirty clothes.
It's my fault. I don't have a lot that fits me, and I sometimes wear repeat outfits because it's convenient. Some of this is just basic stuff, I know. I can write a schedule, but following it is honestly a different story. I've made plenty of lists and chore charts for myself; it almost always turns out to be more work than I expected. I know I sound lazy, but I'm pretty busy already. On some days, I don't get home to rest until 10:00 or later, and my day usually starts, whether I like it or not, around 4:00 or 5:00.
It's my fault. I don't have a lot that fits me, and I sometimes wear repeat outfits because it's convenient. Some of this is just basic stuff, I know. I can write a schedule, but following it is honestly a different story. I've made plenty of lists and chore charts for myself; it almost always turns out to be more work than I expected. I know I sound lazy, but I'm pretty busy already. On some days, I don't get home to rest until 10:00 or later, and my day usually starts, whether I like it or not, around 4:00 or 5:00.
On your break, email a female friend and ask for her help. ASAP, (hopefully within the next week) go to Goodwill and have her help you find several outfits that fit and are in good enough condition to wear to work. Or go to Target or another store to find & buy some new clothes that fit.
It helps to coordinate colors, such as buying black or navy blue slacks or skirts, so that any color shirt or top will match. Or go with dresses, so you don't have to search for a matches when you get dressed. Don't forget that you need enough well fitting bras, underpants, socks and shoes, too.
Make sure that you have enough clothes that you can wear a clean, appropriate outfit to work each day.
Regarding schedules. Yes, it may be hard in the beginning, but after a short time it will become second nature to just follow the chart.
Regarding chores. Yes, it may be hard in the beginning to organize your bedroom & closet but once it done and you continue putting ALL the dirty clothes in laundry basket, washing ALL the dirty clothes at least once per week, and folding and putting away or hanging up the clean clothes as soon as you return home. It will soon seem simple and easy to follow.
Ask a friend to help you get started with cleaning & organizing your bedroom. Wash everything this weekend. If you have clothes that don't fit right now, but may in the future, pack them in a box or put them in garment bag in the very back of your closet so they don't confuse you when you are getting dressed each day. If you feel that the clothes will never fit right or are not appropriate for some other reason (perhaps, too short) donate them to a charity. Throw them away if they are too worn or ripped & unfixable.
I think I would know a means to my end, though, if I had the organization and social skills. I've met at least a few people pursuing their fantastic dreams and having success, maybe not as much as they had hoped, but still success. If you want it badly enough, you might be able to do at least a little of it, if you know what to do, or maybe that's just the kind of thinking I get from hanging around kids all day. In reality, you're probably right about my present circumstances.
You are not those people. The sky is the limit for some. Not for you (or me to be honest).
You have issues with basic things other people do automatically. I don't want to put you down, but you ARE somewhat unemployable. Most workplaces would not deal with a smelly person with uncombed frizzy hair, stains on clothes and periode all over their pants and an unorganized desk and clothes who don't fit. They just won't. Coworkers/customers complain, you'll get a warning, no improvement, and that is the end.
I would make a list of jobs you could accept and who would you accept the way you are because it seems like you will not be able to get your hygiene in order. Let's be realistic here.
I stick with my opinion that work from home would be great for you. You have an education degree, can't you put that to work somehow? THere are so many online colleges everywhere, and you have experience in teaching, your grammar/spelling is excellent, why not focus on a career in doing something online?
I teach ESL through a college's online stream. It requires stronger organization and time management skills than in the classroom. There is nobody down your back guiding you and hundreds of weekly emails/assignment submissions. Only strong classroom teachers can hack it, IMO. 90% of the work is outside the online class (as compared to 50/50 when I taught in a physical classroom). Yeah, I could do it without showering I guess lol.
When you're admitting to working in period blood and dreaming about zoology with $100k+ in debt, professional help is the only option. Remember, this OP has been here years and no intention of taking advice. She's way beyond a forum.
I teach ESL through a college's online stream. It requires stronger organization and time management skills than in the classroom. There is nobody down your back guiding you and hundreds of weekly emails/assignment submissions. Only strong classroom teachers can hack it, IMO. 90% of the work is outside the online class (as compared to 50/50 when I taught in a physical classroom). Yeah, I could do it without showering I guess lol.
When you're admitting to working in period blood and dreaming about zoology with $100k+ in debt, professional help is the only option. Remember, this OP has been here years and no intention of taking advice. She's way beyond a forum.
Yes, I agree that OP needs more structure and a rigid schedule than others, not less. If she worked from home she'd never work, she'd lay on the couch and daydream of being a famous actress to escape the fear. At least now she is forced to face the fears somewhat and go out into the world. She just resists the piece of the puzzle that is most central to its structure, which is a shame.
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I really wish someone would have explained that to me before I became the teacher few students want. I imagined they were going to teach us the art of presentation, catching attention, dealing with students with various learning disabilities in the regular classroom with live examples, etc. In the actual program, presentation and all of that stuff wasn't covered to the extent I imagined, yet we were still expected to know and be able to apply it. I got marked down for failing to present properly and found it really frustrating. My professors didn't really know how to help me, either. When I pointed out that I felt I was doing poorly, they usually just encouraged me.
