Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Can Asians continue this trend of care for their parents though? For example with China, ever since the "one child rule" took its effect, you now have a situation where it's "1-2-4".... 1 working adult taking care of 2 parents and 4 grand parents. This is sort of akin with the baby boomer generation and Social Security... back when they were working, there were 5 people paying into SS for every one person taking out of it. With the baby boomer generation in retirement around a decade ago, it's now 2 ppl paying in for every 1 person on SS.
As for my situation, alas, my job stability isn't in ruins, but it's not solid either. Push come to shove, they would much prefer I focus on my career than to be impeded by them. However, they have hinted if I could find something closer so that I can make a 3 to 5 hour trip to visit them, making visiting them MUCH MORE practical and something I could do more often than not.
Another situation I'd like to comment on in this thread is if you have elderly who are hard to care for, it may be better for all... that elder, the healthcare system, hospital, friends, and family to let him die. One criticism, at least in the US is that it's one thing to prolong the life of an old person on your own dime, but it's a strain on the healthcare system here.
I know in Asian culture its a must as a honor to the family to take care of the elderly, as you see no Asian people homeless,
, but in American culture seems like children put their parents to Nursing home, and they themself will end up in nursing homes and the cycle continues.
I am not asian nor american but yes i do feel obligated because they raised me.
Not all Oriental cultures treat their parents with the same reverence and respect as others. Still I see your point and agree for the most part.
I am not sure I agree with the way you framed the question, since I do not feel it is an obligation, rather a desire to help when I can. Others might call it a labor of love which would also fit.
After all, my parents took care of me well beyond anything I will be doing for them in return. Since they are my close family and a select few people I can say that I honestly love, I think it is done out of love, not obligation.
I think there are ways to help and provide care even if they don't come to your house to live. My 2 sisters and I helped our parents stay in their home longer by bringing by food and doing chores around their house. Eventually we had to convince them to have someone help them IN their home, to make some meals, etc. My father was adamantly against it, but by the 2nd day was totally sold as the assistants were really great people who made some fabulous good!. Eventually they had to go to assisted living (health problems, falling, etc).
I think part of it is seeing what YOUR parents did with THEIR parents; then you tend to believe that's how it's done. Kind of how it worked out in my family.
I will help my parents out when the time comes, yes. They are the only thing that ever stood between me being who I am versus the ****ing scumbag I might easily have been, had I been born to different parents.
I definitely would do what I could, luckily for me my parents both have taken steps to be set for life and then some. I joke that my retirement is my inheritance
But my parents are good to me, if they were terrible I wouldn't give them a second thought.
At some point if your Parents have dementia you will be unable to care for them unless you can easily pick up someone weighing 150-200 lbs from the floor. You are not doing them favors unless you can quit your job and be with them 24/7 and I don't know of many capable of pulling that one off.
Actually, I'm one of the people capable of carrying that off (at least to date). My mother doesn't have dementia, she has orthopedic issues that are so severe she needs assistance just to walk and is at constant risk of falling or overdosing on her pain medications. She also, nearing 90, has many illnesses, too. She has lived in my home for nine years now. Five years ago I lost my job when the company that employed me went bankrupt. As a family, my siblings and I made the decision that i would care for Mom instead of getting another job because just about the time I was home all day it became clear that she absolutely required 24-hour assistance.
Had I not lost my job, we would have had no choice but to move Mom to a care facility because every adult in my family works full time and with kids in college everyone needs the income. But even though I take care of my mother (and I assisted my father through his final illness), I have NO CRITICISM WHATSOEVER of people who make the decision not to care full-time for a very elderly parent.
I'm exhausted, have developed serious back problems, and have to take medication for depression. I am also enduring financial ills as her healthcare costs mount. This is a very hard job. It is no mystery to me why elder care costs SO much. I spend the better part of every single day attending to my mother's needs. My two best friends are also responsible for their 80-plus-year-old mothers. One has had to put her mother in a dementia care facility, the other is still trying to provide daily care for her mother's COPD even though they live in different houses.
My main point is: we all have to make decisions based on our ability to provide care. None of us asked to be born. If we feel we "owe" our parents, that's good, we should do whatever we can. But if their needs are beyond our abilities — whether that be physical, emotional, financial, or historical — it's not up to me to criticize. No matter what a culture might demand.
Because you need a special license in FL ALFS and in an ALF you are not even permitted to have a resident with a grade 3 or more. WITH actual NURSES there.
Now imagine that patient is incontinent and bed ridden on TOP of it and mentally ill on TOP of THAT. And you're broke. And so are they.
What are these acronyms? Does FL stand for Florida in this context? And I have no idea what ALFS means. Please consider spelling out acronyms the average person wouldn't know the meaning of.
My ninty year old dad lives with me after havng a stroke 1 1/2 years ago. It completely changes your life but he is my father. My sister gave up her home and moved in to my aunt's home, she is 88 and has Alzheimers, requiring 24 hour supervision. It's a sacrifice, no denying it, but both were adamently opposed to nursing homes so don't we owe it to our parents to care for them when the time comes? I will say it has changed my perspective about my own plans when I cannot care for myself. I will go to a nursing home, rather than expect a family member to care for me, only because I can appreciate the burden. But I would never put my dad in a nursing home unless I can no longer keep him safe in my home.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
