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I know in Asian culture its a must as a honor to the family to take care of the elderly, as you see no Asian people homeless,
, but in American culture seems like children put their parents to Nursing home, and they themself will end up in nursing homes and the cycle continues.
I am not asian nor american but yes i do feel obligated because they raised me.
The reality is that most people are not equipped to provide the specialized care that many elderly require. That's where nursing homes, whether of the intensive nursing, assisted living or independent living variety, come in.
With the changes in the workplace, women entering it, taking place over the last 40 years there's no one at home to take care of the parents.
And this is not a "new" phenomenon as many of you seem to believe. My grandparents were admitted to nursing homes over 50 years ago when they could no longer live at home and their needs required more intensive care.
One of my earliest, most distasteful, memories is being a small child (3/4) in the 1950s visiting the maiden great aunts in "The Home".
Only 5.3% of the US identified as Asian on the last census.
It remains to be seen what the cause of dementia is. Just like nobody knows why "all of a sudden" there's 1 in 87 on the autism spectrum. I wonder if that applies to Asians, too.
I know ONE person who had some form in the 1950s and he was a PISTOL. They had a wife and four sons to manage him, thankfully. He was a LIVELY feisty SOB. Driving heavy equipment, hiding tools all over the county etc
But the fact remains that you cannot always "help" no matter how much you want.
I'm pretty sure Asians wouldn't like their people setting fire to their houses, running down the street naked and having the police called all the time either. And regardless of ethnicity you just can't humanly pick up another adult all the time.
I think this is an interesting discussion b/c it brings up many issues of culture.
I do note that many Asians (in general) do not place their families in nursing home or assisted living facilities.
As a health care worker, I've noticed to be a true generalization across the board, perhaps over the past 8-10 years (that I've been in practice).
However, could it be true that they tend not to rely on these services because their family members have few severe ailments/comorbidities, and hence, they don't require these additional services?
Currently, many elderly Americans are riddled with heart disease, congestive heart failure, uncontrolled hypertension, hypercholesterolemia, kidney failure, need for hemodialysis, dementia, innumerable psychiatric issues, etc, which render them incapable of being able to appropriately care for themselves, after a certain time/age.....
At some point if your Parents have dementia you will be unable to care for them unless you can easily pick up someone weighing 150-200 lbs from the floor. You are not doing them favors unless you can quit your job and be with them 24/7 and I don't know of many capable of pulling that one off.
Yes I am obligated but I also don't mind in theory.
My parents also have made I it clear I am not to disrupt my livelihood to care for them if it comes to that. They don't want me to lose my good life to care for the end of theirs. I am a widow so I cant stop working. My mother took care of her mother and MIL but my parents are wealthy and my mom has never worked. It was doable. I won't be that lucky.
The most important thing is to have these important discussions while everyone is healthy.
I know in Asian culture its a must as a honor to the family to take care of the elderly, as you see no Asian people homeless,
, but in American culture seems like children put their parents to Nursing home, and they themself will end up in nursing homes and the cycle continues.
I am not asian nor american but yes i do feel obligated because they raised me.
Of course I would take care of them. They are my parents, and I love them. I would not even consider not doing so. But taking care of them certainly includes nursing homes and care facilities. If I cannot work, I cannot pay my own bills, and I certainly could not quit work in order to stay with them myself. I would not even have the skills to take care of them myself. I couldn't even pick my mother up off the floor if she fell down. I would want them to have someone there that was capable of taking care of them. That only makes sense.
I know in Asian culture its a must as a honor to the family to take care of the elderly, as you see no Asian people homeless,
, but in American culture seems like children put their parents to Nursing home, and they themself will end up in nursing homes and the cycle continues.
I am not asian nor american but yes i do feel obligated because they raised me.
Idk.. the words obligated and parents to me.. don't ring true. Perhaps cus I am Asian American, my roots are important to me. And the thought of taking take care of someone who raised me, loved me, and struggled through life with me isn't so much about honor nor obligation. It's more about staying loyal to the ones you love and love you back.
These people are not only your blood, but someone you've grown (hopefully) spiritually connected with.
These people, as imperfect at they are, are perfect for us in many ways, and why not take care of them when they too are weak and fragile?
To watch your own flesh and blood die and slowly suffer? The worst possible feeling. Ever.
What more than to be by their side while they are still left here on this earth? I think it's the one true devotion anyone can share with someone who raised, bathed and fed me when I too was weak and frail as a child.
It's like coming to a full circle- where one shows gratitude, dignity, and reverence to to the people we hold closest and dearest in our hearts.
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