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Old 07-17-2013, 05:09 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,068 posts, read 17,922,814 times
Reputation: 18380

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Quote:
Originally Posted by montanamom View Post
A close family member of mine died just a few weeks ago. She was just in her early 50's and had fought a brave battle with cancer.

At her request, once she took her last breath, her sisters bathed her, fixed her hair, and applied a little bit of make-up and nail polish before her mother saw her for the last time, and before the funeral home came to get her.

This sounds odd. But this is how they honored those who had passed away generations ago.

This had to be hard for her sisters to do, but they did it out of love.

We are so afraid of the inevitable in the country, aren't we?
What good sisters. That doesn't sound weird to me. The funeral home is going to make a person up anyway if there is a wake.

I told the funeral home my mom never wore make up in her life but they put make up on her anyway. She did not look like my mother. Fortunately that image did not stick in my mind.
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Old 07-17-2013, 05:13 PM
 
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Do what you wish---there's no right or wrong way.

In my family, we took pictures of the deceased---immediate family, that is. Why? Why not?

Its the immediate family's decision, they don't have to explain or defend it to anyone else. Hey, they are paying for that ceremony! At my father's funeral, I hesitated to take pictures, for fear of offending others. Then I realized they should worry about offending me! If you find the pictures "creepy" or otherwise distressful, you can always throw them away, but you will never have another chance. Actually, I asked the funeral home to take pictures, which they sent later---I forget if they charged, they usually charge for every little thing, but like I said, its the only chance for such pictures.


I found my father's funeral to be so stressful I nearly had a stroke. When it was my mother's turn, I had a private funeral, then notified all the ghouls later. I believe I said something like "pictures available upon request"---lol!

Last edited by MaryleeII; 07-17-2013 at 05:28 PM..
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Old 07-17-2013, 05:16 PM
 
9,415 posts, read 14,843,882 times
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I inherited an old Victorian family album. There's a picture of a little girl that I couldn't identify, then I realized, it was post-morteum---she was dead!

Back in those days, they oftentimes would photograph the dead in lifelike poses---not in their coffins. Sometimes it was the only photo of the person ever taken. Now, when I see Victorian photos, I try to analyze them to see if they are dead!

Last edited by MaryleeII; 07-17-2013 at 05:37 PM..
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Old 07-17-2013, 05:28 PM
 
9,415 posts, read 14,843,882 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ferretkona View Post
Death always brings out the best in people.

My grandmother passed away in 1982, she had boxes and boxes of pictures of family in their coffins. I think the thought goes back to the age of pictures of Lincoln and Billy the Kid in their coffins.

If you still have them and have no emotional attachment to the pictures, you could try selling them on Ebay. Believe it or not, there is a brisk market for such pictures!
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Old 07-17-2013, 05:36 PM
 
9,415 posts, read 14,843,882 times
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I did find the pictures were appreciated by those who couldn't attend the funeral. I only sent them to those who requested (and sent a SASE--lol, JK)

For some, it gave them closure, and a sense of comfort that protocol was followed. My father's family battled poverty in their youth, and it was very important to them to appear to be well-off. My father's sister was especially grateful to see that her favorite brother "was done up proper".

For others, pictures would either not be desired, or even distressful. If anyone is in the least bit of doubt, ask the funeral home to arrange to take pictures, then you can view them later and send them to those who would appreciate them. Like I said, if you decide the pictures were a mistake, you can always destroy them later. But I would NEVER take pictures of someone other than immediate family----that's ghoulish
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Old 07-17-2013, 05:57 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,068 posts, read 17,922,814 times
Reputation: 18380
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Do what you wish---there's no right or wrong way.

In my family, we took pictures of the deceased---immediate family, that is. Why? Why not?

Its the immediate family's decision, they don't have to explain or defend it to anyone else. Hey, they are paying for that ceremony! At my father's funeral, I hesitated to take pictures, for fear of offending others. Then I realized they should worry about offending me! If you find the pictures "creepy" or otherwise distressful, you can always throw them away, but you will never have another chance. Actually, I asked the funeral home to take pictures, which they sent later---I forget if they charged, they usually charge for every little thing, but like I said, its the only chance for such pictures.


I found my father's funeral to be so stressful I nearly had a stroke. When it was my mother's turn, I had a private funeral, then notified all the ghouls later. I believe I said something like "pictures available upon request"---lol!
Hey, I'm not saying anything to anyone about their practices. I am just stating that I find it creepy and I will continue to feel so. Must be because I've never heard of it in modern times.

Whatever rings your chimes.
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Old 07-17-2013, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,368 posts, read 21,395,920 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WychyWoman View Post
Please accept my sympathy for your loss. I can understand your choice, but others may handle grief in a different way. There are actually organizations that do exactly this, such as:

https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

Ther assisted the Duggar family:

Duggar Dead Baby Photo Taken By Charity Organization

The photographers are volunteers and they help capture and create a lasting memory despite only having moments with the deceased child. The website lists their mission statement: “To introduce remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby with the free gift of professional portraiture. We believe these images serve as an important step in the family’s healing process by honoring their child’s legacy.”
There are service organizations which provide clothing for stillborns and infants who never go home. Many of them are hand fashioned.

I probably wouldn't think of taking a photo if I had been in that situation though I might have been grateful if someone else did.
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Old 07-18-2013, 12:16 AM
 
9,415 posts, read 14,843,882 times
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My mother's first child was stillborn. That was back in the days before they took pictures, etc. She just went home with nothing. I think it would have helped to provide closure if a picture was taken, perhaps to be viewed at a later date. At least preserve one's options for a later time to decide.

My deepest sympathies for all thos who have lost children here
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Old 07-18-2013, 12:48 AM
 
Location: Washington D.C.
552 posts, read 924,360 times
Reputation: 772
i never thought it was anything unusual. i mean it wasnt like she was taking pics of her at a gruesome crime scene of her. the U.S. had a very normal custom of not only displaying their loved ones in their parlor but also photographing them also. they were very classy and beautiful pictures



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Old 07-18-2013, 01:28 AM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,793 posts, read 6,448,645 times
Reputation: 4740
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
This was a not uncommon custom in the 19th century, but as far as I know it was largely defunct in the 20th century, except among older members of some ethnic groups.

When my neighbor's husband collapsed and died (1950's) with no previous history of heart problems his wife was in her late thirties with a young grade school son. Her in-laws-laws were on the whole ten or more years older. She had his picture taken, and she had a framed copy in her living room along with other family pictures.

As far as other people suggesting it to me in this era, it seems so over-the-top that I am afraid I might laugh at the person, but I cannot imagine having the hostile feelings that some people seem to have had. If this was the dumbest or the worst thing that people did it would be a paradise of a world....be grateful that some folks are just wonky, and not psycho.
If someone wanted a photo to keep for a memory I wouldn't have a problem being taken to put in an album or something.But in the living room? I don't think I would be visiting much. I'm a senior citicen and never heard of that before.
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