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Really, it's gotten to the point where we can't even say someone "died" anymore. I know "passed away" sounds softer and gentler, but it's the cycle of life...and death.
When I'm giving condolences, I say "passed away" because it IS softer and gentler but when I speak of Earl or my parents I say "died". I notice most people cringe, look away or back up from me. They are very uncomfortable with the "brutality" of my using the word "died" instead of the softer words "passed away". Heck, they are MY people and if I can say "died", they shouldn't be so squimish. Then again, I'm a "tougher broad" then they are I guess.
Wow, this thread has generated a lot of interest...and opinions. I agree it was tacky and inappropriate of the niece to take pictures of your mother in the casket, at least without asking. However, I did take photos of my mother in the casket and here's why:
I had been very worried about how my mother would look -- would they do her hair in an old-lady style (she was old but her hair was very casual and stylish)....would they do her makeup right (I had been to several recent funerals where the deceased had no eye makeup and looked awful because they normally wore it in real life, or in one case they parted the hair on the wrong side)....my mother looked awful without makeup so I gave them a whole bag of her own makeup.....I gave them five photos of her so they'd get it right....etc. etc. etc. I talked to a friend whose mother had recently died, and I asked if you're allowed to "tweak" the hair or makeup if it's not right. She said yes, and she said actually her mother had looked so beautiful in the casket, she wished she had taken a picture. I remembered that.
I get to the funeral home a half-hour before the viewing starts. I am taken aback by how beautiful my Mom looks. A couple things need tweaking -- lipstick needs to be lightened, hair needs to be changed a little on the sides -- and the funeral lady helps me with the last-minute changes. I actually put a touch more eyeshadow on her. Did I feel creeped-out? Nope. My mother was long gone. She had been in a coma for six days and even then, she was long gone. I was adamant that she look perfect in that casket, and she did. The flowers around the casket were color-coordinated with her soft pink top. She would have been pleased with how she looked. I have no siblings so I did it all myself.
The next morning, before anyone came in, I remembered what my friend had said. With no one else in the room, I took some photos. I wanted to remember how pretty my Mom had looked. I didn't know whether I'd ever look at the pictures, but I didn't want to regret not taking them. I printed them at home on my own printer, and I deleted the images from my camera. The pictures are in an envelope in the memory book. No one has ever seen them but me. I did look at them once or twice since she's been gone.
So my point being, if you want to take photo of your loved one, do it. As long as it is done in a respectful, dignified way, I don't see a problem with it. It's your loved one.
I remember those days... My mom suffered with cancer for over a year before passing, and definitely was not looking herself. Truth be told, I may have looked at her once in the casket. I guess the funeral home did a good job. Hopefully my brothers and sisters paid attention to that.
The only think I wanted them to do is keep rubbing Oil of Olay on her skin, her hands is where they put it. They did it when we were not around, and when others were not around.
From the time I was a little girl, it is what my mother smelled like. I thought it was a good idea, and it was, for the most part. After that, I could not use Oil of Olay or smell it without getting choked up.
It took me years to be able to use it again, but now I am back to using it.
I don't remember what my father looked like. I couldn't even tell you what he was wearing. I was devastated. I am not sure if he even had a suit coat on. I know what my mom was wearing because my sister and I as well as my sil went and bought it before she passed. Gosh it is pretty hard thinking back to all of that.
My ex husband took the pictures of my gma in the casket, and I never knew why. Maybe his mother suggested it to him, I have no idea.
When I look at those pictures I do not get choked up. I see them and it is obviously not my grandmother. The life she carried in her body was gone and it was not her. When I think back, I guess it was that way for all of my family who have passed.
When I'm giving condolences, I say "passed away" because it IS softer and gentler but when I speak of Earl or my parents I say "died". I notice most people cringe, look away or back up from me. They are very uncomfortable with the "brutality" of my using the word "died" instead of the softer words "passed away". Heck, they are MY people and if I can say "died", they shouldn't be so squimish. Then again, I'm a "tougher broad" then they are I guess.
Right, yeah, that's what I do, too. I don't feel there's anything wrong with saying "died" but some people aren't comfortable with it. When I talk about my Mom, I just say she "died". Not afraid to say it.
BTW, I'm sure I wouldn't have taken a photo if my Mom had been sickly or emaciated. The reason she looked so strikingly beautiful is that she hadn't worn makeup much in her later years, especially mascara....so, suddenly seeing her "like the olden days" with hair done and full makeup, including mascara, was breathtaking.
When my husband passed away and the funeral home made him up for burial, I didn't think he looked at all like the man I had known. He looked much better and reminded me of a TV anchorman (perfect hair and makeup). I would never dream of taking his picture in the coffin and didn't even want to remember him like that. My one stepson, however, took several photos, and I was appalled. I've never had the nerve to talk with him about it and wonder what, if anything, he did with them afterwards.
Our family has always done that and never thought twice about it . Everyone I mean everyone in our family takes pictures of the deceased in their coffins . It does not bother me at all and I dont think it bothers everyone or anyone in our family .
Our family has always done that and never thought twice about it . Everyone I mean everyone in our family takes pictures of the deceased in their coffins . It does not bother me at all and I dont think it bothers everyone or anyone in our family .
What do you do with them? Do you take them out years later or what?
Im thinking I m going tO tell my people now no pics in coffin
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