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I hope I'm posting this in the right place. Our Mom has terminal brain cancer. She is in her final days now. We have a sister who lives across the country who is not planning on attending the funeral. My other siblings are extremely upset by this. The sister who is not attending told me that she wants to mourn in her own way and doesn't believe that she HAS to come to the funeral. I tend to agree with her. Does anyone here think she is being selfish or callous for not attending? I know there will be hurt feelings from my other siblings, but I do believe that it's a very personal decision.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. If your sister doesn't want to attend, she should be able to make that decision without repercussions. It's nobody's business how or where she wants to mourn.
I was called by my mom to travel to my moms home, surroundings, and country before she died.
She knew she was going to go to new pastures, she phoned and told me that I had to hurry to see her.
I was fortunate enough to get there 4 days before she died. She saw my sister and I for the Thursday , traveled by plane to her eldest son's house on the Friday night, and went by car to her youngest son's house on Saturday night.
She died on Sunday morning, peacefully, with a smile on her face.
She knew. But she saw all her kids before she went.
I went to the wake, a celebration of her LIFE.
I could not bring myself to go to the funeral.
No one lacked respect for my decision. Neither my remaining parent, siblings, nieces, nephews, or close family/political families.
My vision of her doing her interior decorating, writing books on gardening, and never having a sick day in her life, digging holes, hating the kitchen but being a wonderful cook and sharing quality time will always remain with me.
I was called by my mom to travel to my moms home, surroundings, and country before she died.
She knew she was going to go to new pastures, she phoned and told me that I had to hurry to see her.
I was fortunate enough to get there 4 days before she died. She saw my sister and I for the Thursday , traveled by plane to her eldest son's house on the Friday night, and went by car to her youngest son's house on Saturday night.
She died on Sunday morning, peacefully, with a smile on her face.
She knew. But she saw all her kids before she went.
I went to the wake, a celebration of her LIFE.
I could not bring myself to go to the funeral.
No one lacked respect for my decision. Neither my remaining parent, siblings, nieces, nephews, or close family/political families.
My vision of her doing her interior decorating, writing books on gardening, and never having a sick day in her life, digging holes, hating the kitchen but being a wonderful cook and sharing quality time will always remain with me.
My sister has always been extremely self-centered. She never calls Mom to ask how she is doing, she never visits her. I am sure that the day she dies (my mom), she won't even attend the funeral. Yes, I think your sister is being selfish. Not showing up, is a sign of not caring. There are exceptions, but the truth is plain and simple. When a person doesn't care, they never visit you in the hospital or call you or send you a get-well card. Not going to your funeral is a major diss, because it is a ceremony about you even though you are not alive. If she went to the wake, then it would be okay not to go to the funeral, but to not go to either, is a sign that the person just doesn't care to honor her memory.
My sister has always been extremely self-centered. She never calls Mom to ask how she is doing, she never visits her. I am sure that the day she dies (my mom), she won't even attend the funeral. Yes, I think your sister is being selfish. Not showing up, is a sign of not caring. There are exceptions, but the truth is plain and simple. When a person doesn't care, they never visit you in the hospital or call you or send you a get-well card. Not going to your funeral is a major diss, because it is a ceremony about you even though you are not alive. If she went to the wake, then it would be okay not to go to the funeral, but to not go to either, is a sign that the person just doesn't care to honor her memory.
Yep. And all the "mourn in your own rhetoric" in the world does not change this fact. Good grief, I hate pop psychology.
I do not do funerals. I think they are barbaric and horrific. My mother does not want one (thank goodness) and when I go I will not want one either. I don't blame anybody for not going to a funeral if they don't want to.
Better to have a CELEBRATION of life, much more positive. But to each his own.
Even though you are siblings, you each have your own way of saying good by. I have lost my best Friend in May of this year, My Mother, i was in the room when she passed, and still having a very hard time with this issue, I have not gotten over my lost yet. Being at her funeral was a way for my siblings and myself, to get closure, and too say our LAST GOOD BY. I miss my Mother terrible, and she is my hero, for being so brave, strong, and her will to live and not to leave us, even in her end. She still had humor and made us laugh, till, that last week, which i so am having a hard time forgetting. Don't take it personel, even our siblings, have a hard time of letting go, I even wrote a poem, and read it for my mom, at her funeral, my knees were shaking, and i had goosebumps, but i did it for her and for my PEACE OF MIND.
I have taken care of my mom for years, got her a car, bought her a new home, paid her a salary for helping me with my kids, even made sure she had health insurance. I saw her every day and believe me we had words and argued but I was always there for her. My sister never called her for years, the last time was two years. Grandma has not talked to her kids more than twice in two years, and has never seen the great grandson and he lives an hour away and is now 2.
Now that mom is not well, the drama queen is here. She hasn't worked in two years and no longer has a vehicle so wince mom is in the hospital she has claimed stake to it, also got ahold of moms purse and I am sure she is feeding the car gas off of moms credit cards. So mom is in a coma and I took her to the hospital and stayed for the first day but I cannot go, physically and emotionally cannot go. I have given everyone my numbers and I am available 24/7 but I cannot go there. I do not know why, I am sure it has something to do with that person (my sister) there but I also do not want to see mom there in a coma and going south fast.
I have already deceided that if mom passes I will not go to the funeral, I will have a dignified ceramony with our close family friend and priest, but I am not sitting in a funeral home with that whole clan of drama queens, aka known as my sister and her three daughters crying over the loss of mom and putting on a ridiculous show.
Just to let you know how sincere my sister is, she did the same thing when my dad died, on the way home from the funeral breakfast she and her then hubby stopped and cleared out dads house of anything valuable.
Please do not think I am selfish or non carring but I just want to remember mom in my own way and not have any bad memories that my sister will certainly cause.
I have taken care of my mom for years, got her a car, bought her a new home, paid her a salary for helping me with my kids, even made sure she had health insurance. I saw her every day and believe me we had words and argued but I was always there for her. My sister never called her for years, the last time was two years. Grandma has not talked to her kids more than twice in two years, and has never seen the great grandson and he lives an hour away and is now 2.
Now that mom is not well, the drama queen is here. She hasn't worked in two years and no longer has a vehicle so wince mom is in the hospital she has claimed stake to it, also got ahold of moms purse and I am sure she is feeding the car gas off of moms credit cards. So mom is in a coma and I took her to the hospital and stayed for the first day but I cannot go, physically and emotionally cannot go. I have given everyone my numbers and I am available 24/7 but I cannot go there. I do not know why, I am sure it has something to do with that person (my sister) there but I also do not want to see mom there in a coma and going south fast.
I have already deceided that if mom passes I will not go to the funeral, I will have a dignified ceramony with our close family friend and priest, but I am not sitting in a funeral home with that whole clan of drama queens, aka known as my sister and her three daughters crying over the loss of mom and putting on a ridiculous show.
Just to let you know how sincere my sister is, she did the same thing when my dad died, on the way home from the funeral breakfast she and her then hubby stopped and cleared out dads house of anything valuable.
Please do not think I am selfish or non carring but I just want to remember mom in my own way and not have any bad memories that my sister will certainly cause.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It's just sickening to see what vultures some people are. My grandmother has four sisters, and they were permanently torn apart when their mother became ill. All the bickering about money and possessions and who was entitled to what ... some of this in front of their own mother! Two of the sisters lived in the same town and for about 20 years afterward, they never forgave one another and almost never spoke or even acknowledged the other's existence. That's so sad.
I don't blame you for wanting to avoid your sister if she is doing the things you say.
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