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I think it's better for a friend to have a frank conversation with another friend rather than end the friendship over the matter-unresolved. I worked with a lady once who had bad odor and some snickered behind her back about it ( ) and others avoided her; meaning this lady had virtually no friends. It took a brave co-worker to tactfully take her aside and speak to her about it. She said the lady acted totally surprised and seemed to have no clue. Turns out she also had sinus issues and her sense of smell wasn't very good. She immediately remedied the situation.
I am astounded HR in the health care field won't address such issues.
If you truly are good friends and you care enough about this person--please tell her. It can be done tactfully and her dignity will be intact.
Very interesting. I worked with an attractive, petite woman for several years, but not at close quarters. I did hear my female office mate make remarks about the other woman's body odor. Later this first woman became my boss, and I learned first hand that sometimes she did have terrible body odor.
One day she asked me if I had put "this" on her desk. It was a deodorant roller. I said no (though I was certain who had), but then felt in a position to tell her that sometimes she had very bad body odor.
She was amazed and said that she showered every morning before coming to work, and used a deodorant. Then the clincher: She said, "I don't have any sense of smell, I just assumed it was working." Turned out as an aside it explained her indifference to food, eating out, etc......food was blah because it had no smell to her.
I suggested that since she did bathe and used a deodorant that perhaps the problem was some of her clothing. Maybe she wore some clothes too often and didn't realize that she had perspired in them too often and that they needed to be cleaned.
She was a computer genius, and so keeping records, being meticulous was in her nature. She began to keep a log of when she wore each piece of clothing and she washed or cleaned them. And damn if the problem didn't vanish....it was her clothes.
Although the issues are not laughing matters the scenerios and situations are tooo funny. Very rare to find yourself in a position where you're Damned if you Do and Damned if you Don't.
I would always suggest informing someone of issues such as odors and hygiene Tactfully. Although embarrassing I prefer knowledge of any B.O.,stains in my clothing,snot in my nostril.
I can not believe many are so sensitive and insensitive they would allow you to continue your day with such issues in a place of business.
I agree call family services. It's obvious that the Dad has problems too is also and doesn't give a crap. She is in denial about her odor because she is embarrassed by it. I would be too but I would do something about it. She's a young girl who has low self esteem, no real female figure in her life, no friends. I think she is also suffering from depression and that's why she has poor hygeine. She just doesn't care and if it's brought to her attention she gets defensive.
Not sure if your read my reply to another poster who gave about the same advise. This woman is VERY VERY Sensitive, she can't take anyone correcting her at work or advise given to her outside of work so that is why i thought about writing a anonymous note or just calling it a day and not be friends with her. But thank you for your input.
This woman may be VERY VERY sensitive, but surely she is not blind and owns a mirror, and her olfactory senses work properly. I would nevertheless take her aside privately and very gently tell her that she needs to address the problem, and let the chips fall where they may. She may avoid you entirely (problem solved - for you), or she may take it to heart and make the necessary changes. Coddling to her emotions is not a healthy or mature course of action, IMO. Her other co-workers probably smell her too, and she is bound to pick up on snickers or comments about her, especially if it is a small office. She needs to be told the truth, like an adult, not anonymously (you think that wouldn't upset her?) being very upfront and try to suggest things she could do, but just let her know how offensive it is. Fat people know they are fat, and are very defensive about it - she needs to own the truth and woman-up. You will be doing her a favor and at least you will be able to breathe easier.
Last edited by CFoulke; 06-15-2012 at 07:05 AM..
Reason: change of viewpoint
I apologize for not reading some earlier posts, but I gotta change my mind here...
This woman is clearly NUTS....I would immediately run the other way,avoid her, leave her alone, etc. She is bad news, and the help she needs is clearly out of your capabilities. Sorry....
LAVENDER, it was kind of you to call Animal Control. That cat will thank you, indeed. As for calling anyone else, please do not do that, you've stuck your neck out far enough. I am concerned about you getting too involved with these people at this point. Besides, Animal Control will often walk in on strange living situations and THEY will contact Social Services if needed. And actually, while some are unhappy about the joking around going on, these forums are innocent enough, and I personally think you handled the situation well, because you were getting advice here to go ahead and tell her, and you had an opening to say something, and you did your best. The woman is a little unglued and she overreacted and put you in a tough spot. Hopefully things will simmer down now, you've done all you can do, and I'm glad you came here to air your feelings because it's a safe place to do so.
LAVENDER, it was kind of you to call Animal Control. That cat will thank you, indeed. As for calling anyone else, please do not do that, you've stuck your neck out far enough. I am concerned about you getting too involved with these people at this point. Besides, Animal Control will often walk in on strange living situations and THEY will contact Social Services if needed. And actually, while some are unhappy about the joking around going on, these forums are innocent enough, and I personally think you handled the situation well, because you were getting advice here to go ahead and tell her, and you had an opening to say something, and you did your best. The woman is a little unglued and she overreacted and put you in a tough spot. Hopefully things will simmer down now, you've done all you can do, and I'm glad you came here to air your feelings because it's a safe place to do so.
I agree. Animal Control will get any other social services problems reported if they find anything amiss. For now, OP let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully one day this woman will come back to you and thank you, or not.
Although the issues are not laughing matters the scenerios and situations are tooo funny. Very rare to find yourself in a position where you're Damned if you Do and Damned if you Don't.
I would always suggest informing someone of issues such as odors and hygiene Tactfully. Although embarrassing I prefer knowledge of any B.O.,stains in my clothing,snot in my nostril.
I can not believe many are so sensitive and insensitive they would allow you to continue your day with such issues in a place of business.
I really would much rather have someone say, "Oh, by the way, you have a large booger hanging from your nose," than arrive home at 5 p.m., and then finding the thing festooned under my nose when I look in the mirror.....leave me wondering how many people looked at me that day and thought, "Yeck, gross!!"
I really would much rather have someone say, "Oh, by the way, you have a large booger hanging from your nose," than arrive home at 5 p.m., and then finding the thing festooned under my nose when I look in the mirror.....leave me wondering how many people looked at me that day and thought, "Yeck, gross!!"
Exactly my point! I have had a few moments where I arrived home or viewed myself in a mirror only to find something (dried snot, food particle,etc) on display. Totally ticked off as I conversed face to face with several individuals throughout the day. I always notify others of such issues, respectfully with tact.
Animal control called me with a update. They visited the father and met the cat. They agreed the cat was VERY VERY under weight and was having problems standing, was very scared and shaking and hiding wen put down he would run and hide under the furniture, and his furs were extremely matted and dirty, there was no cat food or a cat food bowl. father claims the cat eats once a day his left overs and does not feed the cat trad. cat food says he just throws the food on the floor . there was clean water but no litter box in sight. The father CLAIMED the litter box was under the bed what they did see is a plastic like bin/ basket but not a traditional litter box and stated there is no possible way that the cat can comfortably use the box under the bed. Father when asked about the cats health said he never has taken the cat for shots since it was born over 13 yrs ago.
The Animal control told me that the fathers house is a SHRINE to Elvis and loads and loads of memorabilia from the 50's 60's doo woop motown, music industry. Fact they said most of the itemsare museum quality and look they are worth a lot of money.....,the father was once a well known oldies DJ in Riverside Ca back in the 60's 70's and met a lot of well known talent and the walls are yellow brown from smoking cigars and has not been painted for 13 yrs.the carpet needs to be removed and the flooring in the kitchen needs removal due to the cats business.
llast they said that they are going to have the vet check him today or Monday and have a local groomer who volunteers bathe the cat and most likely will have to have his furs shaved off.
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) and others avoided her; meaning this lady had virtually no friends. It took a brave co-worker to tactfully take her aside and speak to her about it. She said the lady acted totally surprised and seemed to have no clue. Turns out she also had sinus issues and her sense of smell wasn't very good. She immediately remedied the situation.
