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I haven't found Manhattanites to be any more/less friendly than folks from anywhere else in this country. That could be because I am always friendly. I start conversations. Yup, looks like the cashier is having a rough day, I commiserate with him/her. The customer in front of me was really rude or obnoxious; apologize to the customer service rep for having had to listen to it or compliment him/her for how it was handled - instant friend. Next time I go, I'm treated like a special customer. I've struck up conversations with folks on the subway, standing in a ticket line, you name it. I noticed an elderly man with what appeared to be Parkinsons trying to cross a busy street - everyone in the crowd had pushed past him and he was the last as the light changed - so I ran into the street and blocked traffic while helping him, 3 others came to help. New Yorkers can be friendly and helpful, often are.
And there are just as many nasty, vile, arrogant folks too. It's no different in the south except that there's more physical space for fewer people. Personal space is at a premium in NYC, so people have a larger "do not enter zone" around them. It isn't necessary in the south. Each take time to adjust.
You've been a big fish in little ponds and getting used to being the guppy in the ocean takes some mental adjusting. If you prefer being the whale in the lake, then NYC is not for you and even an outerborough is not going to help much.
Way to go! I feel like the OP sometimes, and your post makes ma realize that it's the lak of space and extreme number of ppl that makes this attitude more pronounced in NYC. I still don't accept it tho- therefore, we live in residential parts (L.I.). It's a much better compromise.
OP, I feel your pain 100%. I understand where you're coming from, but just give the culture shock a chance. Don't let it defeat you, and dont leave based on emotion. You might like it after a few people are really good to you and change your mind. I've been living here 4 years and originally from Miami, it was a huge change. I probably cried the first year straight. I found comfort and happier times in the 'burbs living in Long Island. I've worked in Manhattan every day that I've lived here, so I still don't like it and wont ever live in Manhattan. But coming home to less stress and attitude is comforting.
People are less in your face in Jersey and Long Island. You might be able to relate even though your commute will be longer.
I am the 1950s definition of the typical American. 4th Generation in the country, English as a first and only language, white, Northern European background, like hunting, fishing, camping, NASCAR, bowling and golfing. Low key, laid back, traditional values, religious and wholesome.
Unlike many NY'ers I am not rude, a con man, multi cultural, in your face, full of bravo or always trying to score a deal. I am regular folks!
Admittedly, your self-description, while common in other parts of the country, is more of a rarity over here. And your complaints aren't without merit -- NYC is a tough town where a lot of events that would drive people nuts in other parts of the United States are considered "occupational hazards". With the major lack of personal space, and (thus) easy violation of such space, it's easy for folks to get emotionally hurt, so many of us put up a Stoic front as a first line of defense (myself included). This can very easily be read as "rude" or "uncaring" to new arrivals.
You seem like you're burning out on the NYC experience pretty fast, but I have a few suggestions:
Why not find and meet others with a similar background, interests, and viewpoint in NYC? There's a good amount of Southerners here, and not all are hipsters. Seems like you need to let off some steam with others who would better understand where you're coming from. A very basic suggestion would be websites like Meetup.com to start. As for churches, there are quite a few here. Some of the better-known ones are Redeemer Presbyterian, Times Square Church, Brooklyn Tabernacle, and Hillsong Church (NYC outpost). Many historic cathedrals, too, if you're Catholic.
Moving to other neighborhoods/boroughs, as others have mentioned, might also help. Not everywhere in NYC is like Times Square, Park Avenue, Brownsville, or Williamsburg. Try looking at neighborhoods like Riverdale, Forest Hills, Bayside/Douglaston, or most of the borough of Staten Island. The suburbs should also be a serious consideration if even the more low-key neighborhoods of the city are too much for you -- you might face a longer commute to work, though.
The city, of course, isn't for everyone. Many folks either love it or hate it -- it can really run the gamut. My cousin's dating a girl from a small town in Georgia who's been living here for several years. She loves the city, as she couldn't wait to leave what she termed "utter boredom and monotony". Doesn't hurt, too, that she has a theater major, and NYC is a mecca for anyone interested in such. While one of my other cousins absolutely hates the city (he's from Rockland County), and only goes there if there is an real need, or a major event that he's interested in is there. He likes going to bars, and hates the bar/club scene in NYC -- in his opinion, it's impersonal, rude, condescending, petty, and definitely NOT a thrilling or relaxing experience. And he felt that there was highway robbery with the cover charges/drink/food prices. I'll say this much -- I agree with him on the "highway robbery".
OP: best of luck to you, you definitely sound like you need it
I am the 1950s definition of the typical American. 4th Generation in the country, English as a first and only language, white, Northern European background, like hunting, fishing, camping, NASCAR, bowling and golfing. Low key, laid back, traditional values, religious and wholesome.
Unlike many NY'ers I am not rude, a con man, multi cultural, in your face, full of bravo or always trying to score a deal. I am regular folks!
You obviously haven't met enough New Yorkers. Except for NASCAR, that's just not acceptable here.
I am the 1950s definition of the typical American. 4th Generation in the country, English as a first and only language, white, Northern European background, like hunting, fishing, camping, NASCAR, bowling and golfing. Low key, laid back, traditional values, religious and wholesome.
Unlike many NY'ers I am not rude, a con man, multi cultural, in your face, full of bravo or always trying to score a deal. I am regular folks!
I could've told you from reading your "1950s typical American" description that there would be a high probability that you wouldn't like it here before you moved. Just stay in the city because the boroughs are way more multiracial and multicultural than Manhattan. Get your experience and go back down south where there are "regular folks".
I am the 1950s definition of the typical American. 4th Generation in the country, English as a first and only language, white, Northern European background, like hunting, fishing, camping, NASCAR, bowling and golfing. Low key, laid back, traditional values, religious and wholesome.
Unlike many NY'ers I am not rude, a con man, multi cultural, in your face, full of bravo or always trying to score a deal. I am regular folks!
LOL. Didn't you look into NYC at all before moving? Your words almost sound like code for closet racism, little or no tolerance for those unlike yourself. Does it bother you to live somewhere with immigrants of other colors, who speak other languages? Did you, with your high grades in school, somehow fail to realize that NYC is the cultural melting pot of the world?
As many others have said, New Yorkers are not rude. It's a misconception and what you consider 'good manners' others view as fake. Just because you couldn't adjust to the culture change doesn't make you a failure, it just means you are narrowminded and set in your ways. And should go back home.
L Your words almost sound like code for closet racism, little or no tolerance for those unlike yourself
Gee ya think? It's the seething resentment at "multi cultural" that really gives it away.
I was going to cut this clownschool a break but now I see that his allergy to NYC is just standard issue Sarah Palin style "real America" bull puckey.
Yo, Regular...your "4th generation" makes you a rank newbie American in my eyes. My ancestors were in colonial Virginia in 1650, makin' money on tobacco. I'm Sons of the American Revolution on mother's and father's side. When your great great grandfather was still starving on potatoes in Ireland and trying to scrape up the money for passage to the USA, mine was chasing down Rebel partisans in his Union Army cavalry unit. So if anyone speaks for "regular folks", it would be me---not you. And as regular folks I say take your creepy, intolerant, bigoted NASCAR ass back to Dixie stat. You won't be missed.
Well, NYC isn't for everyone. Out of curiosity, I checked the population of Athens, and it's teeny, compared to NYC. If you want sweet, happy, leisurely people, you're unlikely to find them here. If you want the homogeneity of people who are all like you, you won't find it here. This is really a city for people who want energy, breadth, culture, exposure to new things, and, really adventure. On the other hand, I think you're wrong about cliques - it's probably easier to have friends in other groups; it's just that those other groups probably didn't exist for you in Athens. Or maybe they were on the other side of the tracks, and you avoided them.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with not liking NYC, and certainly you shouldn't force yourself to stay if you are miserable.
Actually, your post reminds me of the Fitzgerald story "The Ice Palace" - have you read it?
I stay in Manhattan in my upper West Side (70s) Apartment. I am pretty much stuck here because I have a lease and would hate to commute in from the suburbs or Brooklyn or Queens. It is an easy commute to my office in midtown which is a plus. I talk to coworkers who commute in from Westchester (which has lots of trees and grass and huge lawns) but they appear burned out from the long commute.
I love my job but hate living in a dog eat dog culture of NYC.
* Yes, there are a few nice folks in NYC who I can chat with but if you took 1000 people at random here in Manhattan and rated them for niceness and compared them to 1000 people from Athens GA, the Georgia folks would win out 10 fold!
I wonder if there are other people on this board that live in NYC for the great paycheck, corporate office job, power, prestige but hate living in NYC for all the reasons I mention.
Southern hospitality can be fake, New Yorkers can be raw, but they are real. Keep in mind, most the people you are dealing with aren't even New Yorkers, they are transplants fighting their way through crowds, just like you. Some people love the rat race, others not so much.
Socially, you will need to take the initiative, as most of your coworkers/neighbors are established and set in their ways. Post an ad in a meet up group, so you can get together with people with whom you share common interests. If you are waiting for someone else to break the ice, it might never happen. Good luck.
"Unlike many NY'ers I am not rude, a con man, multi cultural, in your face, full of bravo or always trying to score a deal. I am regular folks!"[/quote]
No, multi cultural (we marry the new & different), in your face (keeping it real), full of bravado & always looking to score a deal are the defintive characteristics of NY'ers! That's the regular folks who keep this city of 10M running.
"Regular folks" is defined by your upbringing. Your regs are just different from mine -- neither better nor worse.
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Neither better nor worse
