Deathbed confessions that have me reeling (This is horrible--warning) (father, children, sister) - Non-Romantic Relationships -Issues with friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances - Page 19 - City-Data Forum

silibran · 03-27-2013, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedasusual

I think we all feel that its time her saga has come to an end. But the docs, with this new course of meds, have extended her shelf life once again.

We are proceeding with a thorough psychiatric eval and have faxed over the incompetence order to the attorney that the docs signed when she entered the secure facility. The attorney assures us that this is what we need to have in place should she try to make changes to the will.

My sisters and I plan to try and get some family therapy. We are going to ask her psychiatrist if he or she will recommend someone. We may even have a session where we confront our mom. Who knows. But my sisters have not been going to therapy (as I have been for years) and I think its a fabulous idea to at least get them some sort of help.

When this is done, I am seriously thinking about writing a book. It would be perfect if each of my sisters would write their own chapter/novella. It would be difficult, but healing. I know (sadly, depressingly) that my story is in no way unique. Abuse creates a conspiracy of silence. I remember thinking when I was a little girl: "some day I will grow up and this will be different. If I can just wait til then. I have to just keep going." Perhaps if I can share this horrific tale, someone else out there will try to keep going and make things different in their own lives. So many of you are brave enough to share your experiences and the experiences of your loved ones. It has lifted me up so much during this time to understand that complete strangers care. The best case scenario would be to pay that forward.

I think you are doing remarkably well. I am glad you are seeking the incompetence declaration, so you and your sisters can make decisions jointly. There is no need to restate the obvious, that your parents failed you in so many ways. But I admire your perseverance and grace. I did not know that your abusing father worked in a school. I believe you are right to file the complaint. It is shocking that he is employed in such a place. He needs to be removed.

This time next year all of this will be over. Possibly sooner than that. And perhaps your sisters and you will have a stronger bond after.

God bless.

Yes, write a book.

jimj · 03-28-2013, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedasusual

Oh please.

I have a friend who actually works at the FBI. I can assure you that any tips, anonymous or otherwise, are full researched and handed over to the proper group. It can take YEARS to make a case against anyone. Every little bit helps.

I have no interest in defending my father, a man who continues to position himself to be in contact with kids (he works in a school), whose got two families full of daughters admitting he abused them (my sisters and I and his step daughters) who had to change school systems due to a complaint from a disabled kid about inappropriate contact, who approached my mother's sister when she was a 13 year old and tried to get her to engage in sexual play with him. There is far too much here to ignore, whether or not you are offended by the methods through which he might be reported.

You have posted several times in this thread defending my father. Perhaps you have some experience with baseless accusations, I am not sure. Yes, they can be life ruining. But I assure you, this is not a human being that deserves the benefit of your doubt.

I'm actually not trying to defend him, your situation is absolutely a horrible one and a situation I don't envy. I think YOU are doing what's right for YOUR particular situation (as described). What I am trying to point out to everyone else that's commented is the possible ramifications (in other situations) of doing what you've done without giving it a lot of thought. Not all cases are as clear cut or continuing as yours, unfortunately for your family it appears you've been faced with the worst of the worst. For that you've certainly got my sympathy and wishes that your whole family can get past it and have some peace.

The one thing that we may just have to agree to disagree about is the anonymous accusation site. I absolutely think if someone levels an accusation of this magnitude it absolutely needs to have a named accuser attached.

Royalite · 03-28-2013, 07:51 AM

I am so so so sorry this happened to you and in some ways I can certainly relate to this.

I thank God that you turned out to be OK, that you were able to succeed in life despite all that was said about and done to you. You deserved better and hopefully you'll continue to shine as time goes on.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP, but I am glad that the truth was made known to you as it certainly allows for more healing.

bcr229 · 03-28-2013, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimj

Even if there's no substance to the accusation you're now on a database which I'd bet would show up if a LEO does a background check.

You would lose that bet. Investigations don't show up, only arrests, indictments, and convictions. Plus, the authorities know well that people submit false and/or harassing tips all the time, so they have a lot of experience separating the wheat from the chaff.

I have an incredible amount of respect for the OP. I don't think I could have stayed sane if I were in her shoes.

NY Annie · 03-28-2013, 11:40 AM

Confused, you are incredibly strong and brave. I just hope your sisters have some of your mettle so that they, too, can begin their process of healing.

May this spring season also be your time of rebirth and growth through healing.

Irishiis49 · 03-28-2013, 07:47 PM

Your mother is/was a very sick woman...it's almost(not quite) as bad as being the actual abuser...any mother who puts a man before the welfare of their child earns a special place in hell...she will be held accountable in the end and she knows it...You sound like a remarkable young woman...I think writing about your life and triumph over such horrible treatment by both parents will help many other abused! Good luck...you are a better person than I...to even visit your mom!

whatisthedealwith · 03-28-2013, 07:59 PM

Moderator cut: snip
Whooohooo! You go OP!

Seriously, you did the best possible thing to protect yourself and report that monster at the same time. Its exactly situations like this that make anonymous tip lines necessary. This dude sounds like some bad business. He might come after you if he knew you were on to him.

confusedasusual · 03-30-2013, 11:15 AM

I have started writing. Its just sort of pouring out. I am thinking about giving it to one of my trusted friends to look at and edit. There are so many things to say. I just need to get it OUT of me.

I also wrote my mom a letter and entrusted it to my sister. If I am not there, she says that she will read it to mom. That is kind of what broke down the dam and now I just feel like the story wants to be told.

silibran · 03-30-2013, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedasusual

I have started writing. Its just sort of pouring out. I am thinking about giving it to one of my trusted friends to look at and edit. There are so many things to say. I just need to get it OUT of me.

I also wrote my mom a letter and entrusted it to my sister. If I am not there, she says that she will read it to mom. That is kind of what broke down the dam and now I just feel like the story wants to be told.

Do this!

MaggieZ · 03-31-2013, 03:24 AM

I bet there are many out there who have similar stories. One parent's fear to rock the boat or "ruin the family name" is all it takes for them to act like your mother. Co dependants are abused too. Not saying I excuse their behavior at all. Your book may help those who have kept silent all this time to feel less alone. Write it.