U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-27-2008, 10:43 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
3,398 posts, read 7,144,125 times
Reputation: 2845

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast View Post
We've tried to create our own traditions. But our family is so pushy, they end up inviting themselves over and then the stress begins. And I do know I have a choice, but even when I'm firm about it, the guilt gets to me. What to do?
Learn to "uninvite" them as soon as they get to the door ( or before if possible).

Dont feel guilty...embrace the lack of headaches instead!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-27-2008, 10:48 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,735,176 times
Reputation: 7409
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colddiamond102 View Post
Learn to "uninvite" them as soon as they get to the door ( or before if possible).

Dont feel guilty...embrace the lack of headaches instead!
Chig some ipecac about 5 minutes before they get to the house and you will start violently vomiting...that should do the trick
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-27-2008, 11:12 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,415,427 times
Reputation: 6958
be sure to aim the vomit at your relatives.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Chig some ipecac about 5 minutes before they get to the house and you will start violently vomiting...that should do the trick
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2008, 12:31 AM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,608,889 times
Reputation: 8780
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenMachine View Post
I have nowhere else to go, so I usually go somewhere to be alone.

Does anyone else have a toxic family? I think one of the reasons people in families go crazy is because of all the lies and denial that goes on. Some minds can't handle it. Is anybody else struggling? Send me a PM if you can't post here.
Wow. Hey, I'm sorry to hear this.

Though I'm pretty damn opinionated, I'm pretty much a "let sleeping dogs lie" kind of person and my parents were the consummate nags...each in their own way. This woke up the dog (me) and I would bark until they backed down. Sometimes, they were ridiculous.

It's amazing that I'm not this way with most of my friends and coworkers/subordinates. If they disappoint me, I walk away. They have to keep on disappointing me for me to "blow up." In fact, most of the time, when I get work that isn't done correctly and I think the person doing it is hopeless (but I can't fire them), I take it back and do it myself rather than have a "blow out." They usually get fired later, anyway, after working for and exasperating a string of people.

My Dad is deceased, but I do go to check in on my Mom for most of the major holidays. What can you do, parents are the hand one is dealt.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2008, 12:33 AM
 
3,597 posts, read 7,705,204 times
Reputation: 2878
I really miss GreenMachine
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2008, 12:38 AM
 
Location: southern california
55,659 posts, read 74,604,692 times
Reputation: 48167
phone calls and mail gifts are much much better. meeting not at home but a restaurant or other neutral ground is much much better. boundaries is the name of the game. for some insane reason family does not feel they owe members as good a treatment as their dog, esp during holidays.
i kid you not. in care facilities many many old people die after "family visits" during holidays.

Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 09-28-2008 at 12:59 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2008, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,530 posts, read 8,736,156 times
Reputation: 840
Huckle: Now the restaurant idea is a great one. Family can't act as bad as they would at home. Thanks for that idea.

And the ipepac (sp.?) idea, great!

I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. And exactly because of robert's post. We don't choose our family and someday they won't be here anymore, so it's really in my best interest and theirs to at least try. ugh.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2009, 06:34 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,964 times
Reputation: 10
Default Family difficulties at the Xmas season

I have great difficulties with both my in-laws and my own family. My own family, I can take care of...but my husband's family is more difficult since I want to take his feeliings into consideration.

But what about my feelings. I am going to speak to him about my feelings....I don't think we can entirely not see his toxis parents on Christmas....but I think we could change what we usually do, which is ALL OF THE WORK...for both Christmas Eve dinner -- the turkey bit -- and then the Christmas dinner which is different but just as difficult to make...we do all of the dishes and clean up...all we do is work...and I get criticized and ignored...I don't want that anymore and my therapist has made a suggestion that I don't go...but I think I will say that we go down to the retirement home dinner that they cook on Christmas for the residents--my in-laws are residents...and that way I won't be slaving all of the time and then we GO HOME THE NEXT DAY...so we are only staying one day...which I think is fair and then my husband and I can have our own Christmas....

I think if you try to change the circumstances somehow and think about the part that bothers you the most about being with family, you might get by. Also I like the idea of coming up with other things to do that one wise person posted....the husband didn't really get that she was doing it to avoid and she succeeded.

autumngold
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2009, 07:09 PM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,761,579 times
Reputation: 26716
I can only handle one holiday with my family so I used to book a vacation by myself to the islands or cancun for Thanksgiving for 3 or 4 days and then called after I was there. I would spend my Thanksgiving being served right on the beach of shrimp cocktail and Pina Colodas for breakfast, while they were all home yelling and ripping each other apart.

I used to have holidays like Christmas at my house, but no more. So that frees me up to either go or not go someplace else. If you are married tell each side you are going to the other's houses for the day.

If you want to be around people, I go back to a previous post of driving around until you find a house with the most cars and slip in as crazy cousin sally or weird aunt edna.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2009, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Bon Temps
1,743 posts, read 4,008,900 times
Reputation: 1831
Yea, I really wish there was a way to avoid inlaws for holidays! Anytime we are around my inlaws my husband acts like a different person (and not a good one). I don't particularly like his family, but it is almost worse dealing with him around them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top