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We had dinner with a relative who is solidly in the BB generation. He went on about "orientals" and loudly mentioned "that black waitress" who was serving us several times: at one point I saw her cringe when he said it. I took him aside and said politely that the term "oriental" is applied to objects and no longer a term that is used to describe a person, and as there was only one waitress serving us, it was not necessary to refer to her race; besides that she had told us her name. This relative said that he is "too old to worry about this" and that "younger people should not correct a Baby Boomer because they have no idea about life." To which I replied that I did not mean to embarrass him, but wanted to help him and changed the subject.
He complained to a friend of ours who was dining with us but did not hear me say this to him. My friend later told me that she "didn't think it was worth it" to try to educate him or really any older person who does things that are offensive or racist. I tried not to make a big deal about it and talk to him privately, but I do wonder if it was worthwhile.
So if you are in a situation where an older person says something like this, do you call them out? Do you let it go? Has it ever gotten a positive response or do you think its just not worth it?
My older relatives call each other out when they say offensive things, and they have called me out when I did. I am actually very grateful that they did. It's important to speak up in these kinds of situations, even if the person doesn't like being corrected. I would also have apologized to the waitress for the older relative's behavior, in front of him.
My older relatives call each other out when they say offensive things, and they have called me out when I did. I am actually very grateful that they did. It's important to speak up in these kinds of situations, even if the person doesn't like being corrected. I would also have apologized to the waitress for the older relative's behavior, in front of him.
In that situation it's true than saying nothing appears as an endorsement.
The older I get, the less I care about whether I should be the one to say something. I generally do.
In this case I would spend a little energy apologizing to theserver and would probably chip in extra on the tip.
The boorish one may never change. I'm sure he was raised that way but if he saw solidarity among his family in disapproval, he may hold his tongue next time. Maybe.
Not saying something implies approval. No. That's not comfortable for me.
We had dinner with a relative who is solidly in the BB generation. He went on about "orientals" and loudly mentioned "that black waitress" who was serving us several times: at one point I saw her cringe when he said it. I took him aside and said politely that the term "oriental" is applied to objects and no longer a term that is used to describe a person, and as there was only one waitress serving us, it was not necessary to refer to her race; besides that she had told us her name. This relative said that he is "too old to worry about this" and that "younger people should not correct a Baby Boomer because they have no idea about life." To which I replied that I did not mean to embarrass him, but wanted to help him and changed the subject.
He complained to a friend of ours who was dining with us but did not hear me say this to him. My friend later told me that she "didn't think it was worth it" to try to educate him or really any older person who does things that are offensive or racist. I tried not to make a big deal about it and talk to him privately, but I do wonder if it was worthwhile.
So if you are in a situation where an older person says something like this, do you call them out? Do you let it go? Has it ever gotten a positive response or do you think its just not worth it?
So your generation has decided, on behalf of others, that “oriental” is now a slur? For your information, my wife, who is an Oriental, prefers the term to “Asian”, noting correctly that its meaning is “from the Orient/East”, which she is. Do you have similar objections to the term “Occidental”, which describes those of us who are of Western/European ancestry?
Finding new ways to accuse others of prejudice, where none exists, may be satisfying in your brave new world of virtue-signalling. But it does nothing to bring us together as humans who celebrate and name our culture with the terms WE choose, rather than having them dictated to us by our “betters”.
You would do well to examine your own prejudices against the “BB” generation (and that's a nice little slur, by the way, that dehumanizes millions of people, and disrespects those older than you) and re-examine your own sense of self-importance.
Yeah, well, the era of Baby Boomers is also the Civil Rights era, the Women's Rights era, the EEOC era, etc. and it was Baby Boomers who ushered this change in, so his generation is not a valid excuse.
Exactly. And not all Boomers have moved to the right politically.
But many of my generation never were particularly progressive in their thinking. Just look at the old fashioned lawmakers in Congress.
There are some terms and phrases I won't put up with (slang terms for different races for instance, often vulgar - we all know what they are). I won't put up with gross generalizations which are really prejudices on parade - from ANYONE of ANY age (unless they are in a nursing home - then all bets are off because dementia is a real thing and tends to remove all filters).
But words like "colored" or "Oriental" or something like that - nyahhh, I don't waste my time trying to "teach" someone older how to talk today's politically correct speech. Heck, I am 56 years old myself and very well traveled and well read, but several years ago, I used the world "oriental" rather than "Asian" and was immediately corrected by someone younger than me. I was open to it but I learned from it in two different directions - 1) I learned it was not a politically correct phrase any longer and 2) I learned that most people using that term are probably not intentionally being offensive.
I don't want to offend anyone so it's easy for me to switch from "Oriental" to "Asian" with no skin off my nose, but I can see how being accused of being a racist would be just as offensive as racism, if that makes sense.
There are some terms and phrases I won't put up with (slang terms for different races for instance, often vulgar - we all know what they are). I won't put up with gross generalizations which are really prejudices on parade - from ANYONE of ANY age (unless they are in a nursing home - then all bets are off because dementia is a real thing and tends to remove all filters).
But words like "colored" or "Oriental" or something like that - nyahhh, I don't waste my time trying to "teach" someone older how to talk today's politically correct speech. Heck, I am 56 years old myself and very well traveled and well read, but several years ago, I used the world "oriental" rather than "Asian" and was immediately corrected by someone younger than me. I was open to it but I learned from it in two different directions - 1) I learned it was not a politically correct phrase any longer and 2) I learned that most people using that term are probably not intentionally being offensive.
I don't want to offend anyone so it's easy for me to switch from "Oriental" to "Asian" with no skin off my nose, but I can see how being accused of being a racist would be just as offensive as racism, if that makes sense.
Of course it makes sense. And such accusations from people who are young and largely ignorant of the world we live in, but seek to impose their constipated and accusatory view of life and language on the rest of us, are doubly absurd and smack of fascism.
Congratulations! You have turned a completely apolitical topic about conversational courtesy into one with a political bent. Someone always does.
The discussion of the term "Oriental" in this thread never had anything to do with "conversational courtesy". It was only about enforcing rules in a mean-spirited fashion ("calling out"). The fact that the rule in question is totally bogus goes right to the heart of the matter. "Oriental" is not offensive.
Last edited by hbdwihdh378y9; 10-20-2018 at 12:57 PM..
The discussion of the term "Oriental" in this thread never had anything to do with "conversational courtesy". It was only about enforcing rules in a mean-spirited fashion ("calling out"). The fact that the rule in question is totally bogus goes right to the heart of the matter.
Even if one were to concede everything you've written here (which I don't,) your previous comment regarding the "Left" has politicized a non-political discussion. Someone always does. It must be sad to see politics in everyday things having nothing to do with politics, god knows we have way too much of that already.
I don't "correct" people. It's not my job and it wouldn't help anyway. They are who they are. Just creates needless conflict. Choose your company carefully.
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