Do you call out older relatives if they say something offensive? (wedding, funerals)

[LilyMae521]

I always call them out, albeit privately and kindly, as appropriate. And I hope others do the same for me.

It is a good thing for us all to keep up with changes and improvements in our language, of which there have been many recently.

Even older folks, like me. It keeps us engaged. If we are not interested in the changes and improvements in our society, we are left behind of our own accord.

This thread brings to mind the expression -

If I'm not part of the solution, I'm part of the problem.

[Hollytree]

I didn't find his particular "offenses" to be worth some young person's ire or correction.
Had he been my relative, I would not have found him offensive enough to be criticized by me. I'd just keep an eye on him and wait to see if he got to the point where he was being truly bigoted.

Also, proper PC terminology can change rapidly. You're not short- you're height challenged, etc. You're never just dumb, just learning disabled. What about people who want to do away with "he" and "she" in speech so that everyone is "gender neutral".

I'm NOT advocating bigotry or insulting people based on race, etc.- just pointing out that it is also offensive for some people to push their own beliefs on everyone around them to the level of finger pointing and/or censorship. Almost as annoying as having Jehovah's Witnesses at the door.

[Serious Conversation]

Depends on the nature of the itself. Sometimes I would. Sometimes I wouldn't want to deal with the hassle and wouldn't.

[CEN2RION]

Originally Posted by emotiioo

We had dinner with a relative who is solidly in the BB generation. He went on about "orientals" and loudly mentioned "that black waitress" who was serving us several times: at one point I saw her cringe when he said it. I took him aside and said politely that the term "oriental" is applied to objects and no longer a term that is used to describe a person, and as there was only one waitress serving us, it was not necessary to refer to her race; besides that she had told us her name. This relative said that he is "too old to worry about this" and that "younger people should not correct a Baby Boomer because they have no idea about life." To which I replied that I did not mean to embarrass him, but wanted to help him and changed the subject.

He complained to a friend of ours who was dining with us but did not hear me say this to him. My friend later told me that she "didn't think it was worth it" to try to educate him or really any older person who does things that are offensive or racist. I tried not to make a big deal about it and talk to him privately, but I do wonder if it was worthwhile.

So if you are in a situation where an older person says something like this, do you call them out? Do you let it go? Has it ever gotten a positive response or do you think its just not worth it?

I am a BB and was corrected by a family member when I said ‘Orientals’ and mentioned that the term now used was Asians, I’ve been using the term Asians ever since. So they called me out and I would do the same in private if someone else does it but if the habit continue I would not be out in public with the offender

So I think it has nothing to do with being a BB, but more to do with a person who set in his way who is stubborn believing he is self entitled in deserving to get away with things because he earn it due to his age.

[Miss Blue]

I am a few years older than the BB generation.

I came of age during the Civil rights, VietNam and Womens rights generation. I probably would have been in many of the war protest marches and maybe burned my bra with them, but since they were nursing bra's I needed them

I cried when the first group of Viet Nam troops stepped off the airplane after the war and there was a large crowd booing them

It saddens me now that so many of us now are all stereotyped into either Dementia or hater/bigot/insulter type people. Most of us who are still healthy of mind and body continue to believe those things fought so hard for in the past. We haven't changed our minds. We still help fight some of those wars and new ones.


I have learned that it is inappropriate for me to publicly "call out" anyone unless it is strictly one of my own in a private setting. Why call any more attention to someone else's own hate or misguided judgements.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by emotiioo

I only mentioned that because of his response, as well as his insistence that he should be given a pass to do what he wants because of his age/generation. I used to hear my grandmother say things like "life was different then" or "that person is from a different time and place" to gloss over episodes like this, but she would have rather died than called someone out.

Yeah, well, the era of Baby Boomers is also the Civil Rights era, the Women's Rights era, the EEOC era, etc. and it was Baby Boomers who ushered this change in, so his generation is not a valid excuse.

[Vacanegro]

Originally Posted by LilyMae521

I always call them out, albeit privately and kindly, as appropriate. And I hope others do the same for me.

It is a good thing for us all to keep up with changes and improvements in our language, of which there have been many recently.

Even older folks, like me. It keeps us engaged. If we are not interested in the changes and improvements in our society, we are left behind of our own accord.

This thread brings to mind the expression -

If I'm not part of the solution, I'm part of the problem.

That is fine in theory but if you have a racist family member, as many do, who only exhibits these behaviors at the occasional holiday gathering then sometimes for the sake of harmony it is better to let things go.

Of course it depends on the nature of the comment. Some things I just can't let pass.

[gg]

Originally Posted by CatzPaw

Being "solidly" a Baby Boomer has little to do with it.

Yep, using the term "baby boomer" in such a manner is just as bad as the baby boomer himself, so I really feel the OP is about the same as the subject the way this was presented.

There are all kinds of people in every generation. Older sets of people can be set in their ways, or not. To judge any group with such a broad stroke is prejudicial. Seems both are in the wrong if you really think about it.

Now if someone mistakenly uses the term "Oriental", that doesn't automatically make them racist. They are ignorant about the use of the word. Not saying the man wasn't racist, but don't automatically assume racism because of ignorance of correct use of terms.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by gg

Yep, using the term "baby boomer" in such a manner is just as bad as the baby boomer himself, so I really feel the OP is about the same as the subject the way this was presented.

There are all kinds of people in every generation. Older sets of people can be set in their ways, or not. To judge any group with such a broad stroke is prejudicial. Seems both are in the wrong if you really think about it.

Now if someone mistakenly uses the term "Oriental", that doesn't automatically make them racist. They are ignorant about the use of the word. Not saying the man wasn't racist, but don't automatically assume racism because of ignorance of correct use of terms.

Agreed. That was an acceptable term for Asian people before "Asian" became preferred.

Another one is "mentally retarded". My aunt was born in the 1930s, and she was mentally retarded. She died at 61, just before "developmentally disabled" became the replacement buzzword. "Retarded" fell out of favor because it was being used as a epithet and therefore the word itself seemed to carry negative connotations beyond its original meaning.

Dr. Langdon Down wrote a paper entitled "Observation on an Ethnic Classification of Idiots". We don't call people with Down's Syndrome "idiots" these days, but once upon a time that was the term in use.

[Soccernerd]

Honestly by the time the shock of what they said has worn off, it’s kind of too late to say anything. If someone says something inappropriate, then you need to say something immediately for it to be effective. I guess you could also take them aside privately later, but I just don’t think that that’s effective.