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15 years ago, I was called out for saying "digger pine zone", a term I learned in botany to describe an area of the Sierras.
The name has fallen out of favor because the trees were named for the settlers' name for the local native population, and the area and trees are now called by another name.
I promptly forgot the new name, so still think of it by the old name.
But if it came up in conversation occasionally (it doesn't), I would make an effort to learn the new name.
So I can understand people having trouble changing the labels they've used for decades, but I can't agree that they shouldn't try.
I appreciated the correction, so I won't sound like a dinosaur. I suspect most people don't want to offend and would appreciate a gentle reminder.
People who insist on using the older terms because they're old...well, they're old farts. Tell them you're concerned they're losing it and want to have the doctor check them out.
There was an incident on my local social media page where people were trying explain to an older gentleman that the word "squaw" is not a polite synonym for "Native American woman." He was not having any of it, and it turned into a ridiculous discussion where he ended up accusing other posters for being racist for promoting the local Italian-American festival.
If someone is using a word to insult someone, I will, and have, say something immediately. I don't care who is listening. Using a word that has been replaced with a more acceptable word, that is something I would either let slide, or mention in private if I thought it would make a difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollytree
Also, proper PC terminology can change rapidly. You're not short- you're height challenged, etc. .
This is not a thing.
Hand-waving changing language with a "who can keep up with all of this nonsense?" is being deliberately obtuse.
I'd just like to point out that we often see threads here where the poster asks if they should "call out" or "confront" someone about some thing or another.
Both of those terms are quite aggressive in themselves.
If there is a situation that you feel you need to address, in most cases (as has been demonstrated in many of the responses to this thread by people who said they had been corrected) taking someone aside and gently informing them of your concern, that is – attempting to have a reasonable conversation – will not cause the other person to become defensive, dig in and fight back.
You rarely have to go from zero to 60 or turn it up to 11 right off the bat. Your goal should not be scorched earth unless you want to be a jerk, too.
A few years ago, in conversation with my oldest son, I referred to someone or other as "oriental". It was never my intention to be offensive, and didn't know at the time, that it was offensive.
Most def, my son corrected me. I was a bit embarassed, and was thankful that the correction happened at home, as opposed to out in public, but overall, was thankful for the correction.
While I'm sure some people would get offended, and maybe double down on their ignorance...a lot of us are happy to adapt, when we're corrected.
It is never my intention to offend people, based on race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. If you tell me you prefer to be referred to as "blue chair in the corner" than I'm going to do my darndest to call you that.
Reminds me of a comedian who said when he yelled, "Honey, the pizza guy is here, do you have the money?" the guy snarled, "I'm not a pizza guy! I'm an actor between jobs right now."
"Honey, the actor who brought us the round bread with the tomato sauce and cheese on top is here..."
You rarely have to go from zero to 60 or turn it up to 11 right off the bat. Your goal should not be scorched earth unless you want to be a jerk, too.
I recently read an essay by a trans man who said that in dealing with people, he's taken the attitude of "assume goodwill." Some people have a hard time with the issue of pronouns and gender--things are changing so quickly, but he can tell if they don't mean to offend and are willing to learn or if they're just being jerks about it.
We had dinner with a relative who is solidly in the BB generation. He went on about "orientals" and loudly mentioned "that black waitress" who was serving us several times: at one point I saw her cringe when he said it. I took him aside and said politely that the term "oriental" is applied to objects and no longer a term that is used to describe a person, and as there was only one waitress serving us, it was not necessary to refer to her race; besides that she had told us her name. This relative said that he is "too old to worry about this" and that "younger people should not correct a Baby Boomer because they have no idea about life." To which I replied that I did not mean to embarrass him, but wanted to help him and changed the subject.
He complained to a friend of ours who was dining with us but did not hear me say this to him. My friend later told me that she "didn't think it was worth it" to try to educate him or really any older person who does things that are offensive or racist. I tried not to make a big deal about it and talk to him privately, but I do wonder if it was worthwhile.
So if you are in a situation where an older person says something like this, do you call them out? Do you let it go? Has it ever gotten a positive response or do you think its just not worth it?
Call them out every time. They'll eventually get the point that NO ONE ELSE wants to hear it.
Especially when asking questions such as "when are you having kids?" to women who are having trouble conceiving.
I recently read an essay by a trans man who said that in dealing with people, he's taken the attitude of "assume goodwill." Some people have a hard time with the issue of pronouns and gender--things are changing so quickly, but he can tell if they don't mean to offend and are willing to learn or if they're just being jerks about it.
Yup. I did it and so can EVERYONE. It was Christmas, 1965 and I was defending the civil rights movement, and lambasting the police with their fire hoses flipping protesters off their feet, the horses, billy clubs used on the marchers on the Edmund Pettus Bridge, ok i was young, idealistic and didn't realize the depth of hatred and bigotry in this country (STILL)..... and I told off everyone, my parents, Uncle Joe, Aunt Claire, Uncle Steve, Aunt Rainey who were mocking and calling black people spear chucking jungle bunnies. I was 16 years old. I refused to go the Christmas celebration the following year, because they mocked the hell outta me and I fought back, refused to be silenced. In 1968, my first year in college, I wasn't even invited to attend the family gathering at Uncle Joe's house and was told until I apologized to my aunts and uncles, I wouldn't be welcome at their houses.
I never apologized. Never saw hide nor hair of my relatives ever again, never was invited to weddings, nor allowed to attend funerals. My divorce in 1993 only solidified their belief I was a loser, a fallen woman. I never missed any of them. I dearly loved my Aunt Claire, who was the only adult family member who stood by me through the heinous abuse my mother, her sister, heaped on me all my childhood, but she didn't have the right to up-end Uncle Joe's prohibition on my membership in the "family". fine. i never lost sleep over it. it was sad, but I knew all my life my attitude was correct, and their bigoted racist views were wrong. OP i hope your relative will come around someday.... and it is always WORTH IT to stand up for what is right and try to put an end to something wrong.
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