Do you call out older relatives if they say something offensive? (present, holiday)
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At 61, i'm on the "younger" end of the baby boomers. There have been a few occasions when I have gently informed an older relative that the word or phrase they used was considered inappropriate in today's conversation. I try to do it in a way that neither embarrasses nor chastises. I only do this if I know the person isn't bigoted or racist, and would be horrified to sound that way to someone who didn't know them. Normally the person thanks me, and we often shake our heads while we talk about trying to keep up with politically correct terms.
Just a few weeks ago, I used a term that i didn't realize was no longer PC, and one of my sons pointed it out. I thanked him.
I know a few people who truly are racist, bigoted, sexist, etc. and frankly, I don't bother with them. If what they say is offensive to someone in the area, i will make a point to apologize to that person on behalf of the offender, but it would be a rare instance that i would say anything to the offender. I've noticed that many many people who like to denigrate others with language also enjoy it when someone calls them on it, because then they can go immediately into the victim role. I refuse to play that game.
At 61, i'm on the "younger" end of the baby boomers. There have been a few occasions when I have gently informed an older relative that the word or phrase they used was considered inappropriate in today's conversation. I try to do it in a way that neither embarrasses nor chastises. I only do this if I know the person isn't bigoted or racist, and would be horrified to sound that way to someone who didn't know them. Normally the person thanks me, and we often shake our heads while we talk about trying to keep up with politically correct terms.
Just a few weeks ago, I used a term that i didn't realize was no longer PC, and one of my sons pointed it out. I thanked him.
I know a few people who truly are racist, bigoted, sexist, etc. and frankly, I don't bother with them. If what they say is offensive to someone in the area, i will make a point to apologize to that person on behalf of the offender, but it would be a rare instance that i would say anything to the offender. I've noticed that many many people who like to denigrate others with language also enjoy it when someone calls them on it, because then they can go immediately into the victim role. I refuse to play that game.
Insightful..
I sometimes ignore the bigot for the reason you stated, but sometimes there is a way to make them
embarrassed for their stance ..Always looking for that angle.
I sometimes ignore the bigot for the reason you stated, but sometimes there is a way to make them
embarrassed for their stance ..Always looking for that angle.
Yep There is always a way to call someone out without giving them the sAtisfaction of victimhood .
We had dinner with a relative who is solidly in the BB generation. He went on about "orientals" and loudly mentioned "that black waitress" who was serving us several times: at one point I saw her cringe when he said it. I took him aside and said politely that the term "oriental" is applied to objects and no longer a term that is used to describe a person, and as there was only one waitress serving us, it was not necessary to refer to her race; besides that she had told us her name. This relative said that he is "too old to worry about this" and that "younger people should not correct a Baby Boomer because they have no idea about life." To which I replied that I did not mean to embarrass him, but wanted to help him and changed the subject.
He complained to a friend of ours who was dining with us but did not hear me say this to him. My friend later told me that she "didn't think it was worth it" to try to educate him or really any older person who does things that are offensive or racist. I tried not to make a big deal about it and talk to him privately, but I do wonder if it was worthwhile.
So if you are in a situation where an older person says something like this, do you call them out? Do you let it go? Has it ever gotten a positive response or do you think its just not worth it?
I am a baby boomer... granted at only 58, the end of the boom.... but would never even THINK of referring to an Asian as an Oriental......
the oldest of the BB generation are in their latter 70's, I'm guessing.... but weren't many of them the hippies of the 60's??
was your relative one of the straight arrows that maybe went to Vietnam and did not participate in the the whole hippie thing??
Truly it depends on who they are and their age. My FIL is horribly racist and says awful things. He has completely lost his filter. Usually someone will say “that’s enough of that talk” and he’ll stop.
My mom I’ll stop her mid sentence and correct her. She is not racist, just old and insensitive.
My mother once told my niece, her granddaughter, who is black/white biracial, not to take the route to her house through Paterson (NJ) because there are so many black people there now.
My niece just kind of laughed and let it pass because it's Grandma.
I am a baby boomer... granted at only 58, the end of the boom.... but would never even THINK of referring to an Asian as an Oriental......
the oldest of the BB generation are in their latter 70's, I'm guessing.... but weren't many of them the hippies of the 60's??
was your relative one of the straight arrows that maybe went to Vietnam and did not participate in the the whole hippie thing??
The oldest Baby Boomers were born in 1946, making them 72 today. That's not old enough for anyone in good health to be given a pass on being offensive.
And there were plenty of people in the 1960's, the majority in fact, who were neither "participants in the whole hippie thing" nor "straight arrows."
I am a baby boomer... granted at only 58, the end of the boom.... but would never even THINK of referring to an Asian as an Oriental......
the oldest of the BB generation are in their latter 70's, I'm guessing.... but weren't many of them the hippies of the 60's??
was your relative one of the straight arrows that maybe went to Vietnam and did not participate in the the whole hippie thing??
No, I am one of the older Baby Boomers, and I was born in 1946..My DH is 76 and he is not a boomer, as he was born in 1942. BBs are not in their late seventies.
I believe we should call people by the name they wish to be called. Categorizing a person unecessarily by their perceived race or appearance is rude and often hurtful.
Yes I called them out when I was still around them because I've been called out before. Hell I struggle with negative beliefs about a certain group of people too. We should always call others out and even ourselves.
So if you are in a situation where an older person says something like this, do you call them out? Do you let it go? Has it ever gotten a positive response or do you think its just not worth it?
I wouldn't say anything about it. If they want to look like a jerk, it is their option to do so; however, I think there is more important things to worry about like the continuance of our country as a world power over the words people choose to use in conversation.
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