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Ralph and Edna
were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past
the hospital swimming pool. Ralph
suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool
and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled
him out. When the Head Nurse Director
became aware of Edna's heroic act she
immediately ordered her to be discharged
from the hospital, as she now considered
her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news
she said, 'Edna, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being
discharged, since you were able to rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and
saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays
sound mindedness. The bad news is,
Ralph hung himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you
saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself,
I put him there to dry. How soon can
I go home?'
It's the summer of 1956 and Harold goes to pick up his
date, Peggy Sue.
Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck
tail hairdo.
When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother
answers and invites
him in. 'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why
don't you have a seat?'
Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're
planning to do. Harold
replies politely that they will probably just go to the
malt shop or to
a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's mother responds, 'Why don' t you
kids go out and screw? I
hear all the kids are doing it.' Naturally this comes
as quite a
surprise to Harold and he says, 'Whaaaat?'
'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue's mother, 'We know
Peggy Sue really likes to
screw; why, she'd screw all night if we let her!'!
Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear.
Immediately, he
has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes
later, Peggy Sue
comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her
saddle shoes, and
announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his
date out the
front door while Mom is saying, 'Have a good evening
kids,' with a small
wink for Harold!
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue
rushes back
into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at
her mother:
'Dammit, Mom! It's the Twist! It's called The
Twist!
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices
> that
> the VERY handsome Cab driver won't stop stari ng at her.
>
> She asks him why he is staring.
>
> He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to
offend
> you.'
>
> She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I
> am And have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see
and Hear
> just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could Say
or ask
> that I would find offensive.'
>
> 'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
>
> She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
> have To be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'
>
> The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and
> Catholic!'
>
> 'OK',the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
>
> The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would Make a hooker
> blush.
>
> But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
>
> 'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
>
> 'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married
> and I'm Jewish.'
>
> The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a
> Halloween party.
I havent been keeping up with this thread so if this joke is already in here, I apologize.
Two men happend to bump into each other as they came around a corner in one of the depts at Lowes one afternoon. The older man apologized, explaining to the younger that he was looking for his wife and wasnt really paying attention. The younger, too, explained he was also looking for his wife. So he asks the older man to describe his wife 'maybe we can look for her together' he tells him. So he describes her. About 5'8"....grey hair..about 170 lbs, flowery blouse with bright green stretchy pants and a yellow purse. The younger then describes his wife. About 5' tall, 110 lbs, tight jean shorts, low cut blouse, long blonde hair, nice even tanned skin.
The old men then tells the younger 'lets forget about looking for my wife, lets look for yours!'
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,458 posts, read 25,995,249 times
Reputation: 59828
The Teddy Bear Collection
Beth and her friends are out clubbing one Friday night when she meets a handsome guy by the bar. They talk, connect, and end up leaving together. When they get back to his place, he shows her around his apartment.
One odd thing she notices is that an entire wall of his bedroom is devoted to a collection of stuffed toys arranged on shelves. The bottom shelf contains lots of small stuffed animals. The next shelf up contains slightly larger ones, and so on, all the way up to the top shelf, which contains gigantic teddy bears.
Beth is a little surprised that a man would have such a sizable collection of stuffed animals but she decides not to be judgemental. In reality, she is actually impressed that he is willing to show his sensitive side to someone he just met.
One thing leads to another and before long they are making love.
The next morning, after a night of intense passion, she wakes up next to him. As she notices him waking up also, she rolls over and asks, smiling, "was it good for you, too?" The man shrugs and tells her she can have any prize she likes from the bottom shelf.
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