Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Some people are so entrenched in their experience(s) that they are unable to offer sound advice to OP. If the OP was unable to care for her family think of who the husband would need to hire to cover for her work... nanny, baby-sitter for when the nanny was off work, night nurses (OP said he doesn't help at night), maid, cook (or increase the take-out budget), personal assistant and errand runner, etc. There have been many, many articles written about this recently and I believe the cost of replacing those people is upwards of $175k because he would have to cover all hours of the day and weekends (overtime). One person suggests dad needs time to rest because he is the breadwinner. When does mom rest? She is a breadsaver, if that's how we need to break this down! They are of equal importance in the household because one cannot function well without the other. I gather that the person who is offering their opinion is a working mom and doesn't respect sahms, which is sad because I know many working moms who do. Why do we have to continue to bash other women for their choices? This is truly what the feminist movement was about - CHOICE. I am a college educated sahm who will transition her career once the kids are in school. This is my family's choice. I deserve just as much respect as a working mom because I AM WORKING. I'd like to see you tell a room full of maids and nannies that what they do isn't real work!
My six figure earning financial manager wife just told me a day home with baby is way more tiring than any day of work. And she is considered the hot shot, bad ass work horse at her company.
Naps? He takes 2 30 minute naps.
Sleeps 12 hours a night, but does not care for naps.
I find my work to be much more strenuous than being at home with him, but my job is 10 hours straight on feet, no breaks, and constant life/death stress.
My six figure earning financial manager wife just told me a day home with baby is way more tiring than any day of work.
Naps? He takes 2 30 minute naps.
Sleeps 12 hours a night, but does not care for naps.
I find my work to be much more strenuous than being at home with him, but my job is 10 hours straight on feet, no breaks, and constant life/death stress.
Still tough. Home chores + baby is a tough day.
Probably because she enjoys the financial manager job and maybe even finds it fun and interesting but views playing with a toddler or baby as a difficult chore.
It's all on how one looks at it or feels about it. If snuggling on the couch with a little one is a difficult task that you really don't enjoy, or sitting at a table with books and crayons is unbearable work, or grabbing a stroller or wagon and taking kids out to explor the world isn't fun then you will see it as hard work.
Some people really enjoy spending time with their kids and don't view it as "work" but rather fun and interesting. If one parent views the child as dreary chore that he or she wants to pass off on the other, the other parent may also begin viewing the child as a chore he or she also doesn't want.
However if the parent is positive and sees parenting as fun and interesting and challenging, even more fun than being a financial manager, then the whole family may seem less as who fights over and wins and who is dumped on by having to take care of the baby.
He doesn't sit and do anything.
He is in constant motion.
And we like spending time with him
He is hilarious, fascinating, and he learns so freaking fast.
She is indignantly demanding I post that sitting at a desk or meetings all day isn't 1/10th as physically demanding as hanging with the kiddo. Lol...I will leave out the swear words.
Parenting one's child is not in the same catagory as scrubbing the floor. Period.
Exactly!
I have no idea where the last posters are getting the idea that I'm expecting DH to take over half the chores, or shove a broom and dish towel in his hands as soon as he walks through the door, when if you read my posts, I have repeatedly said he does no chores at home aside from grabbing the garbage when he leaves in the morning, nor do I ask him to do any chores. He'll barely put his own dishes in the dishwasher, most of the time he'll just leave them at the sink. I do consider it my job, and I don't expect him to do much.
Parenting, however, is a very different story. I didn't sign up to raise a child on my own, and I firmly believe that a child, especially a boy, absolutely needs that relationship and interaction with his father and a strong paternal role model in his life for healthy development. I also do need a break from the 24/7 parenting duty - I love spending time with my son, but sometimes, especially if he's had a bad day, I'd honestly rather hand him over to DH in the evening and cook or clean or shop, it's at least not as emotionally exhausting as dealing with a bossy three year old, lol. But also I would like at least an hour or two a week where I'm not doing chores, I want to be able to send them outside for a couple of hours on a weekend and just be alone in blessed silence, haha. AND not have to listen to whining and guilt-tripping for weeks afterwards. All I ask of him is to entertain DS for a bit - 99% of these times I'll get DS dressed, bag packed, potty, snacks, everything, I ask nothing else of him - just for god's sake's get out of the house and give me some time to breathe, lol!
Some people are so entrenched in their experience(s) that they are unable to offer sound advice to OP. If the OP was unable to care for her family think of who the husband would need to hire to cover for her work... nanny, baby-sitter for when the nanny was off work, night nurses (OP said he doesn't help at night), maid, cook (or increase the take-out budget), personal assistant and errand runner, etc. There have been many, many articles written about this recently and I believe the cost of replacing those people is upwards of $175k because he would have to cover all hours of the day and weekends (overtime). One person suggests dad needs time to rest because he is the breadwinner. When does mom rest? She is a breadsaver, if that's how we need to break this down! They are of equal importance in the household because one cannot function well without the other. I gather that the person who is offering their opinion is a working mom and doesn't respect sahms, which is sad because I know many working moms who do. Why do we have to continue to bash other women for their choices? This is truly what the feminist movement was about - CHOICE. I am a college educated sahm who will transition her career once the kids are in school. This is my family's choice. I deserve just as much respect as a working mom because I AM WORKING. I'd like to see you tell a room full of maids and nannies that what they do isn't real work!
He doesn't sit and do anything.
He is in constant motion.
And we like spending time with him
He is hilarious, fascinating, and he learns so freaking fast.
She is indignantly demanding I post that sitting at a desk or meetings all day isn't 1/10th as physically demanding as hanging with the kiddo. Lol...I will leave out the swear words.
I also have kids and boys and work outside the house. To me the kids are more fun than anything else. The best times of your life are when the kids are little. Well-- work for me is also fun but I see the kids as more fun. With boys, the more time you take them outdoors to play, the better. Nothing funner than an active 3 year old boy. Take them for a good 2 mile hike and they'll manage to sit still for a few minutes after.
Probably because she enjoys the financial manager job and maybe even finds it fun and interesting but views playing with a toddler or baby as a difficult chore.
It's all on how one looks at it or feels about it. If snuggling on the couch with a little one is a difficult task that you really don't enjoy, or sitting at a table with books and crayons is unbearable work, or grabbing a stroller or wagon and taking kids out to explor the world isn't fun then you will see it as hard work.
Some people really enjoy spending time with their kids and don't view it as "work" but rather fun and interesting. If one parent views the child as dreary chore that he or she wants to pass off on the other, the other parent may also begin viewing the child as a chore he or she also doesn't want.
However if the parent is positive and sees parenting as fun and interesting and challenging, even more fun than being a financial manager, then the whole family may seem less as who fights over and wins and who is dumped on by having to take care of the baby.
Did you ever stay home raising kids? You kind of sound like someone who doesn't have them yet.
No one's not arguing it doesn't have parts that are fun, and great, and amazing. I love doing stuff with him and we do have lots of fun - reading, crafts, outings, those are all fantastic and wonderful.
Unfortunately - that's only one part of parenting. It's not all lollipops and rainbows, as ANY parent will tell you. There are plenty of others that aren't nearly as fun or rewarding. What about the tears, the tantrums, the whining, the disciplining? Constantly making sure they aren't getting into something they shouldn't be, making sure they don't hurt themselves, dealing with them when they're sick? What about bedtime battles, mealtime battles, tv battles, clean-up battles? There is PLENTY that comes with the territory of raising kids that's not all pleasant or fun or easy. And yes, it gets very tiring and draining when you do it without a break, in and out every single day.
I also have kids and boys and work outside the house. To me the kids are more fun than anything else. The best times of your life are when the kids are little. Well-- work for me is also fun but I see the kids as more fun. With boys, the more time you take them outdoors to play, the better. Nothing funner than an active 3 year old boy. Take them for a good 2 mile hike and they'll manage to sit still for a few minutes after.
Yes, they are more fun than going to work, I'm the first to agree on that.
However, they are also EXHAUSTING little monkeys sometimes, and if you aren't spending the entire day with them every day, you're not quite getting that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
