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Did you ever stay home raising kids? You kind of sound like someone who doesn't have them yet.
No one's not arguing it doesn't have parts that are fun, and great, and amazing. I love doing stuff with him and we do have lots of fun - reading, crafts, outings, those are all fantastic and wonderful.
Unfortunately - that's only one part of parenting. It's not all lollipops and rainbows, as ANY parent will tell you. There are plenty of others that aren't nearly as fun or rewarding. What about the tears, the tantrums, the whining, the disciplining? Constantly making sure they aren't getting into something they shouldn't be, making sure they don't hurt themselves, dealing with them when they're sick? What about bedtime battles, mealtime battles, tv battles, clean-up battles? There is PLENTY that comes with the territory of raising kids that's not all pleasant or fun or easy. And yes, it gets very tiring and draining when you do it without a break, in and out every single day.
Yes, because work is all fun-fun-fun!
And you actually have plenty of breaks, you just don't utilize it correctly.
Did you ever stay home raising kids? You kind of sound like someone who doesn't have them yet.
No one's not arguing it doesn't have parts that are fun, and great, and amazing. I love doing stuff with him and we do have lots of fun - reading, crafts, outings, those are all fantastic and wonderful.
Unfortunately - that's only one part of parenting. It's not all lollipops and rainbows, as ANY parent will tell you. There are plenty of others that aren't nearly as fun or rewarding. What about the tears, the tantrums, the whining, the disciplining? Constantly making sure they aren't getting into something they shouldn't be, making sure they don't hurt themselves, dealing with them when they're sick? What about bedtime battles, mealtime battles, tv battles, clean-up battles? There is PLENTY that comes with the territory of raising kids that's not all pleasant or fun or easy. And yes, it gets very tiring and draining when you do it without a break, in and out every single day.
No -- I didn't have that luxury, my income was always needed or the only income and yes I had kids -- a few more than one and I would have had more.
My kids have been and still are the funnest part of my life. I can't say I ever viewed them as some chore. I really think little boys are about the funnest people to be around. I love their high activity levels, I admire how one can jump on the bed for 30 minutes straight, then run down the steps, out the door, climb trees, ask about how birds fly, if ants go to sleep at night. All they really want to do is explore the whole world and they're really pretty fun people to hang around.
I find 3 year olds to be a lot easier to deal with than co-workers, especially if you have to manage or supervise them. And they're easier to deal with than stressed out bosses who are about to snap.
And you actually have plenty of breaks, you just don't utilize it correctly.
If you're referring to weekday evenings, than I'll repeat again, that the reason I use that time for errands/chores is because that's the only way DH will watch him during that time without being too grumpy. So at least I get *some* time alone, even if it's doing something else. The thing is, if I tell DH I need to make dinner or run out to the store, he might sigh and grumble a bit but he'll generally be ok with watching DS (though I do need to rush and make it home in under an hour, because any longer and it'll be 'you were gone for so long, I'm tired too, blah blah'). IF, however, I get my shopping and cooking done during the day (much more of a pain with DS underfoot), and then tell DH that I'm going out for an hour in the evening to have a coffee and read a book, there's no way on earth he'll let me go off without major resentment. Sad, but this is how it is. I supposed I could lie and tell him I need to do shopping and go have coffee instead, lol, but I don't feel good about that.
Weekends - pretty much same deal. He'll grudgingly spend a bit of time with DS if I'm actively busy with chores at that time, if I ask him to just give me a break to do whatever, it tends to lead to a fight...
Yes, they are more fun than going to work, I'm the first to agree on that.
However, they are also EXHAUSTING little monkeys sometimes, and if you aren't spending the entire day with them every day, you're not quite getting that.
Actually I would prefer spending the entire day with them (I did get to enjoy whole days when I had days off, weekends, and vacations) over the people I do spend work hours with -- I like my co-workers well enough, at least most of them but they really aren't what you'd call fun and inquisitive or especially active people. A lot of them are jaded, they're fibbers but not in the cute way a 3 year old might be.
I really think being unhappy when your child is 3 means you're missing out by not realizing these are the BEST years of your life. The years are going to fly by and you can never get that time back. In no time he's going to be dressing himself, tying his own shoes, he won't need you for that, and he'll soon be spending long days at school, and playing with friends he's made instead of with you. Now is the time to enjoy him because you and your husband still have him all to yourselves. It won't be that way for much longer.
No -- I didn't have that luxury, my income was always needed or the only income and yes I had kids -- a few more than one and I would have had more.
My kids have been and still are the funnest part of my life. I can't say I ever viewed them as some chore. I really think little boys are about the funnest people to be around. I love their high activity levels, I admire how one can jump on the bed for 30 minutes straight, then run down the steps, out the door, climb trees, ask about how birds fly, if ants go to sleep at night. All they really want to do is explore the whole world and they're really pretty fun people to hang around.
I find 3 year olds to be a lot easier to deal with than co-workers, especially if you have to manage or supervise them. And they're easier to deal with than stressed out bosses who are about to snap.
You've never had to discipline your kids, they never ever misbehaved or threw a tantrum or did something they weren't supposed to or whined for hours on end or got hurt or sick?
Actually I would prefer spending the entire day with them (I did get to enjoy whole days when I had days off, weekends, and vacations) over the people I do spend work hours with -- I like my co-workers well enough, at least most of them but they really aren't what you'd call fun and inquisitive or especially active people. A lot of them are jaded, they're fibbers but not in the cute way a 3 year old might be.
I really think being unhappy when your child is 3 means you're missing out by not realizing these are the BEST years of your life. The years are going to fly by and you can never get that time back. In no time he's going to be dressing himself, tying his own shoes, he won't need you for that, and he'll soon be spending long days at school, and playing with friends he's made instead of with you. Now is the time to enjoy him because you and your husband still have him all to yourselves. It won't be that way for much longer.
I do get that, however, again, that doesn't mean I'm a robot and that I don't get tired or need breaks.
But also, I'm more of a baby person than a toddler person I think, I found the first year to be a lot easier than everyone said, but the toddler years just killed me, once we had to start dealing with the discipline and the stubbornness and the tantrums and the mind games, lol.
If you're referring to weekday evenings, than I'll repeat again, that the reason I use that time for errands/chores is because that's the only way DH will watch him during that time without being too grumpy. So at least I get *some* time alone, even if it's doing something else. The thing is, if I tell DH I need to make dinner or run out to the store, he might sigh and grumble a bit but he'll generally be ok with watching DS (though I do need to rush and make it home in under an hour, because any longer and it'll be 'you were gone for so long, I'm tired too, blah blah'). IF, however, I get my shopping and cooking done during the day (much more of a pain with DS underfoot), and then tell DH that I'm going out for an hour in the evening to have a coffee and read a book, there's no way on earth he'll let me go off without major resentment. Sad, but this is how it is. I supposed I could lie and tell him I need to do shopping and go have coffee instead, lol, but I don't feel good about that.
Weekends - pretty much same deal. He'll grudgingly spend a bit of time with DS if I'm actively busy with chores at that time, if I ask him to just give me a break to do whatever, it tends to lead to a fight...
You give your husband too much power. If he grumbles or start wielding that sword of guilt, handle it like any guy would. In one ear, out the other. Walk away if needed. He's got you trained real well. There's nothing "fair-minded" about giving in to your husband like that-- it's called being a pushover. You just have to realize there's nothing wrong with asserting your needs-- especially when you both have discussed on and on and on and on and on....
Just assert yourself, say your piece and do what you gotta do.
P.S. Most women I know would say "shopping" because that's supposed to be a code word for therapy.
Yes, they are more fun than going to work, I'm the first to agree on that.
However, they are also EXHAUSTING little monkeys sometimes, and if you aren't spending the entire day with them every day, you're not quite getting that.
So you think working moms don't understand that young children are exhausting? I'm sorry but I think we do. I understand everyone has a need for a little alone time. But I also think you should listen to malamute. These are the best years of your life. When your little boy grows up and is in school, you will have plenty of time alone. If you really don't enjoy your child at this age I seriously think you should consider working. Not everyone is cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I also found trying to entertain my three-year-old to be exhausting at times. But I knew my strengths and weaknesses and staying home all day every day was not one of my strengths. Just food for thought. I probably would have done my son more harm by staying home reluctantly then I did by going out and working. I remember staying home with an unhappy stressed-out mother when I was young and it was certainly no fun.
I also think that it is possible to live closer to your family that is where you would be happiest.
You've never had to discipline your kids, they never ever misbehaved or threw a tantrum or did something they weren't supposed to or whined for hours on end or got hurt or sick?
Yes, of course I disciplined them but they were easy kids I would have to say. I disciplined them but I find it impossible to really be angry at a 3 year old. I like how they're starting to get their own thoughts and opinions, I think it's cute when they're defiant, although I set certain limits and wasn't afraid to swat a rear end now and then. I think a 3 year old throwing a tantrum is funny but I don't find an 8 year old throwing a tantrum funny.
What I did for tantrums is get out the camcorder so I could show them how funny they were later on, but it makes them stop immediately as soon as they spot that I have the camera. It's funny to show them how mad they looked and ask them why were they kicking the floor but kids seem to really dislike seeing their mad looking faces on camera. They know they look funny, and they hate to have a parent laughingly showing them their mad face. Or when they're throwing a tantrum, grab a pencil and paper and draw a picture of them, show them looking super angry, and tell them that's how they looked, a mad looking stick figure will do.
As far as when they go to whining, I think that's time for a good long walk. Probably they're tired and it's best to bring along a wagon or something for them to sit in. A little fresh air and sunshine, pointing out rocks, flowers, dogs in fences, yard ornaments, etc along the way gets a 3 year old to stop whining, and a walk always relieves stress. Find a stream and show them how to throw rocks and make the water splash. Or a park with climbing bars and slides. Try to physically exhaust them, they need that sometimes.
I think if your husband sees you stop viewing it as a chore he must do, and you make it appear to be great fun, tell him all the things your child did or saw or commented on, he may want to become more involved. Just stop arguing since it's not working, and let him feel like he's missing out instead. It might take a little time but in the meantime, you really can be having a lot more fun with your 3 year old. The worst thing for little boys is to have them indoors all the time, they do a whole lot better being outdoors a lot.
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